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Joined: May 2012
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This is what I think she is thinking:
"He never wanted to do anything when we were together, and still doesn't want to do anything while we are apart. He hasn't changed. There is no point in going back."

or

"I think we need to reconnect as friends first. Having a drink together is a start."


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
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Posts: 934
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You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what she is thinking. That is why DB'ing involves focusing on yourself and not what your S is thinking.

Have you talked to a DB coach?

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What is YOUR objective for meeting? Remember the OM is still in the picture. I don't think this is step one in a reconciliation process. Make sure to be authentic to what you are driving towards. This certainly WILL NOT help detaching.

Or she is thinking, have some time to kill, who will keep me company. Or, or, or!


M 53, W 48
T 25, M 18
S 15, D 11
"I'me done!" 6/13/2010
Exit started 8/21/2011 ILYBNILWY
W consults with L 9/2011, no papers filed
Separated 1/16/2012
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As everyone is saying, you will make yourself crazy trying to figure out what she is thinking...you have to do what is best for you and for what gives you the greatest chance of actually generating a change in the relationship. Please talk to a coach to get the best advice on how to go forward to accomplish this. It is the quickest way to figure out how to go forward. Take good care and take advantage of special pricing today.


Karen, Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
karen@divorcebusting.com

Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
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I think W wants to make it a regular thing, we get together after work on Friday and have a drink. We did it last Friday.

OM is still in the picture, but I have heard he may be on the way out. His time spent overnight at W apartment is been cut dramatically.

Do I think I think she has some time to kill and I am filler?

Yes.

Do I think it can be an opening to more time?

Yes. My chance for her to see my changes.

Do I think she is trying to have her cake and eat it too?

Yes.

Will I meet her today for drinks?

No. She has been told I don't want to do things with her while she is with OM. Maybe she thinks this has changed. Maybe I need to remind her and tell her. However, we have plans to go to an amusement park with the Ds next weekend. I would prefer to avoid doing anything that may have her change her mind. This is a family day.


I have denied two of her requests to spend time with me this week. The first was a movie on Tuesday. She ended up going Wednesday night with (I assume) OM. Shared bank account that I don't use but saw charge. I only check bank account because I am in the process of moving all of my auto-drafts from the account we shared to my account.

Saturday night is my GAL night. I could offer to raincheck on drinks to Saturday night. However, she has the Ds that night so it isn't like she has any other option. But then that is me asking her, which is pursuing.


I would love to get a DB coach, but right now I cannot do it financially. W is own her own financially now, but it cost a lot to get her setup. I also pay all the daycare expenses. She took the bedroom set, so I need to buy furniture first. I look good moneywise for July, but June is tight.


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 186
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When I get down on my situation, I think about this song. My W sent me a text when this first started on how this was 'our' song. She quickly changed it to how it is 'my' song to her. But D13 tells me when it comes on the radio, she turns it up.

Jason Mraz "I Won't Give Up"

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up


Journaling:

D13 decided to spend the night with a friend. D4 is spending the night with her grandmother. That means it is just W and D3 tonight, which means OM will be there. Honestly, I don't care anymore. She is cut off financially because this is what she wants to do. I am not going to stand in her way.

When she came to pickup D3, she sat and wanted to chat a bit. She asked me what I was doing tonight. I told her I had plans. She asked if it was with a male or female. I simply told her "I don't ask you what you do on your nights, so I won't tell you what I do." I asked what she planned on doing tonight with D3 and she said "I think you know what I am doing". I just ignored it.

I told her I planned on going rollerblading tonight but the weather didn't cooperate. She said she wanted me to call her if I go on Sunday. I won't. I am not her Plan B. She has nothing else to do tomorrow since OM is a work.

This week will be pretty dim/dark until Sunday when I take the Ds to an amusement park and W is going.

I think I am doing ok. I sleep fine at night and don't worry about what she is doing. I am worrying about myself.


Overall, I think I am in a better place. I don't worry about her and OM.


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
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Posts: 149
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I hope you didn't invite her to the amusement park. I would stop doing anything with her that resembles a family, I wouldn't even chat with her... only important stuff about the kids, period! Make it clear that as long as there is OM in the picture, you will only be tolerating her, no friendship...


Me: 37 W:33
S: 2
M: 9/5/09
Suspected: 1/7/12
Confirmed: 2/10/12
Served: 3/29/12
W moved out 3/30/12
First court 5/17/12
HELP!
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I invited her weeks ago. If she wants to back out, I won't stop her.

If she does join us, it will be the first thing we do together in a couple of weeks.

Lesson learned. I see the error in my ways. The invite was pre-Plan B revelation.


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 149
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Have you split up property? My wige cleaned me out one weekend when I was busy, since she had not served me she could... take photos of everything
.. it will probably get real ugly before it gets better...


Me: 37 W:33
S: 2
M: 9/5/09
Suspected: 1/7/12
Confirmed: 2/10/12
Served: 3/29/12
W moved out 3/30/12
First court 5/17/12
HELP!
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 83
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Posts: 83
absolutely love that song... had been asking God for a sign about what to do after getting the "speech" from my WAW... went to mass with my son for his last day of school and the school choir sang that song!! totally a sign from God to not give up on my W... and I haven't yet... keep the faith...


M:40 W:31
S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship)
Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me
MO: 6/1/12
T:14
M:9
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