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kenva Offline OP
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We have now been separated 10 months. We still eat dinner together. I stopped telling her have a good day when I leave, only saying "See Ya", and the other day, she turns and tells me to have a good day. The other morning when she got up, I was in the study working, I didn't say anything to her like I used to. She started making yawning noises in the other room. Five min went by, I got more coffee and then told her good morning. Pretty obvious she was maybe trying to get my attention. I replaced some pics of us in the room I am sleeping in w other ones.What else can I do to detach myself from her, being in the same house? On her trip for the weekend, I left it alone, telling her last week that I would like to go. Guess she was expecting me to bring it up again, and I didn't.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,352
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Hi Kenva,

You are doing great!

I wish I had been able to detach while my W was living here. I think that Brit was right, they need to be able to separate from guilt about our feelings, so that they can sort out their own. While they are guilty, they feel as if their unhappiness is still tied to us and if they were free...

Sounds like your shifts have her attention. Keep shifting though, she could be testing your changes.

As Cadet says, time is your friend, Kenva.


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 214
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kenva Offline OP
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Last night at dinner, W reached over and grabbed my drink to take a sip. - ? - Still warm and cold to me.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 214
K
kenva Offline OP
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Posts: 214
So was this a test? Can anyone tell me how to respond to any of her tests.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Stop analyzing everything she does. You won't get an answer. Just take it for what it is and go from there.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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kenva Offline OP
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W took a picture of us when we were dating, that was on the counter, off and put it in drawer with others. She scolded me last night about having chocolate in the house for our son, for desert. I didn't argue back, I was calm and listened. I know I shouldn't, and I am thinking too much, but wondering if that is what triggered her to put picture away. I got real emotional when I saw that this morning.Can't help it, but seeing that and trying to GAL is really hard.I know that waking up one morning and everything being ok is just a dream, but all I want is for her to realize what she is throwing away, us and our sons normal family life, and for us to work on US. I love her so much it hurts really bad. I know I still have to work hard on GAL. I still pray every night and day, and from seeing how many people are on here, I say a little prayer for everyone else.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
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Posts: 1,219
"I know I shouldn't, and I am thinking too much, but..."

so, if you know you shouldn't, then don't. as mr. bond said. don't you think he's telling you this to help you? it's not good for your sitch nor is it good for you.

someone else on here talked about "but's". when you have a "but" in your sentence, you really need to think about what you're saying. you're justifying something and usually it's something you should stop doing.

peace to you.


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

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kenva Offline OP
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I came home late Fri night, she had left the lights on going upstairs again, going up to my room. Still getting hot and cold feelings from her. I also find out that she has told my sister inlaw that we are separated, going on a year.This is the first person that I know of that she has told that to. Today isn't a good day for me. I'm not into working out today also. This is the worst I have felt in a long time. Going to take a nap, then hopefully work out. I need to be chipery when she gets home.
WOW!!!


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 214
K
kenva Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 214
The last few weeks I have been going out on the weekends, after our son goes to bed. I would tell W that I am stepping out for a while, coming home around midnight. Since those last couple of weeks, she has become really cold, avoiding me at home, going to her room after dinner, and giving me the death look. She has gone to her family cook out for the 4th, and not including me. We both have birthdays coming up, and have no clue how those will go. Also a bigger cook out with just about all of her family, cousins, uncles, so forth. Seems like I'll be left out of that one too. Just curious how she is going to handle answering where I am that day, since the others don't know we are separated other than her immidiate family. The only time she would say anything to me, is when our son does something wrong, "are you going to fix it?" Sometimes I get to the point where I just want to say, serve me papers, stop the BS, and make it a nasty divorce, because she thinks a divorce will turn out to be fine and dandy.She wants her cake and eat it too. Life isn't fair. When I get like that, I simply walk away, play w our son to get my mind off of it, or smoke a cig. I just don't know how much more I can, or better yet, any human being can take anything like this.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 214
K
kenva Offline OP
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And to top it off, this week is the one year mark she wanted to separate.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
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