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Quote:
So tomorrow (Sunday) is the trip to the amusement park with the Ds and the W. It will be our first time extended time together since I told her I didn't want to do things with her as long as she is in a relationship


How is this NC?


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Yes, "trip with W" and "I don't want to do things with her" are contradictory. She may think your changes don't really mean anything, too?

Just a thought.


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

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Detach and GAL is easy. Out of sight, out of mind. Be selfish. Concentrate on me.

Spending time with the W is what destroys me. I have been doing good for a couple of weeks now as we haven't done anything together except for D3's birthday party and swimming with the Ds for an hour.

With tomorrow being a full day, I can't stop my mind racing. Tonight is going to be very rough for me. Tomorrow when I am with her, I will be fine. I can concentrate on the Ds and my plan of no talking about R, M or OM. Be the man only a fool would leave.

I just need to get through today and tonight. I have to stop myself from thinking that this is anything more than a day at an amusement park for the Ds. Yet, I can't stop thinking that this is a start of something. I can't stop thinking that maybe I should do more things with the W so she can see the new me. One of her reasons for the OM was we never did anything anymore. [Insert loud screaming of profanities here]

People who have had success with DBing a marriage where there is an OM involved, I need help. It is easy to say "nothing until she leaves the OM", but is it that cut and dry?

Tomorrow I will be fine. I can concentrate on the task at hand. Today, tonight and after tomorrow I think I am going to be a mess.

I know this post is the opposite of my last post, but my mind is swirling right now.


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
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Damnit. Wrong thread. Sorry.


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
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Damint. Right thread. Wow. My mind is really going right now.


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
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Bring a date, clue her in to whats going on.... piss the wife off... wouldn't that be fun smile

I'm having one of those bitter days.... lol


Me: 37 W:33
S: 2
M: 9/5/09
Suspected: 1/7/12
Confirmed: 2/10/12
Served: 3/29/12
W moved out 3/30/12
First court 5/17/12
HELP!
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How is this NC?

Yes, "trip with W" and "I don't want to do things with her" are contradictory. She may think your changes don't really mean anything, too?

Just a thought.


Trip was planned before talk about NC/no 'dates' was made.

I have three daughters and want them to experience this new amusement park with both their parents as this is a combo birthday present for D3 and D4 as their birthdays are close to each other. I don't plan on doing two birthdays for each D (one with me, one with W). I don't think we will have two Christmasses, etc. I think my W and I are mature enough to co-exist for a few hours even if this ends in D.


Cake-eating? Probably.

Too much hope on my part? Definitely.

After this Sunday, I will go back to detach/GAL and be fine. H3ll, I will be fine tonight as it is my night without the Ds. I can keep myself busy. Unfortunately, I got called into work today so my usual routine of nothing to do so I sit around and think has set in.

I have never been the type to wait on other people. I have always been the first one to make the move. Whether it was an argument between friends or a GF, I would always be the person to take the first step to end the conflict/tension. This is the toughest 180 for me.


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
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i'm a peacemaker, too. it's hard to not smooth things over and get back to a good relationship. i think they know this and take advantage of it, too.

however, some of it is our co-dependence and not setting boundaries. i'm glad you're setting them now and holding out for the kind of R/M you can live with.

otherwise, you'll keep doing this over and over.

good luck.


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

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I think if it were me, I wouldn't go with W. I would have invited another relative to join me, or a friend. You're not the one having an affair. You shouldn't be expected to spend a day at an amusement park with a cheating spouse who continues to cheat on you openly. No one would expect that from you. And your W really has no right to ever expect that from you while she continues on with her behavior.

Your girls are little enough that they wouldn't be that heartbroken if you were to have invited someone else to go with all of you. Or if you had just gone with them yourself and you alone.

I think you're right, you are doing this because you're thinking this is going to be the next step to making things better. Which is exactly opposite of where your mind should be. That may put you in a bad situation because you're expecting too much. Maybe you're trying not to, but I think deep down you are expecting something wonderful to come out of it.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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^^^Like


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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