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Originally Posted By: Cadet
I think you are being tested.

Is a reply neccessary?


^^At the very LEAST, I would wait a few hours and reconsider whether a reply is necessary.

I have come to realize recently how my emotions control my urges to reply immediately. By asking what my emotions are telling me to do and then analyzing whether that is an appropriate action, I take the immediacy out of it. (Like labug talking earlier today about not freaking out about being late for a movie).

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I just made such a strange laugh/cough at WWBD that my S popped his head around the corner and said "you ok mom?" LOL

Originally Posted By: Cadet
I think you are being tested.

Is a reply neccessary?


I agree completely. I would love to not respond AT ALL. but knowing me I would reply with a Yes I rec'd them thanks. (h just sent me a text about something that didn't really need a reply but I replied anyway and said I remembered thanks)

I would suggest like Vera says to WAIT. Sleep on it, give it 24-48 hours. It is amazing how a little bit of time can take away all the weight from something that felt HUGE in the initial rush of emotion.

Instead of saying "she contacts me about this!!" how about looking at the positive...she has reached out to you. She didn't HAVE to send those pictures or those plans. She could have thrown them out kept it all business and like you said tracked it. So it is a positive in terms of improved communication. No expectations, but think about how you want to respond and what your motivation will be. Think about how the new and improved Grace would handle this...it's not an obstacle it's an opportunity. You can stay strong in your boundary and be proud of that. You can reply and be proud of the words you choose.

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OK I just reread my posts..

Q:is it crazy to get thrown off kilter by a two line email??
A: yes

Q: what do I need to do?
A: chill and not take it all so seriously smile


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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We ALL do it! It's not crazy here it's normal...craziness is defined but what you do next you've been a pro at this do far! Good for you!

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NG you have amazing insight and such self control. You seem to be consistently growing and learning. I am have so much admiration for you. What an inspiration.

Good for you on the email. I can COMPLETELY relate. After 12 days of NC for he sent me a text asking to speak with the kids. My heart jumped into my throat had no idea how to respond. In hindsight can almost giggle. The man just wanted to speak to his kids. Once I let my brain take over I realised all I needed to text back was 'sure'.

But I can also understand why we can get crazy. We are doing some major changes here..180's, NC, GAL, etc and it takes an emotional toll on top of our individual situations that we are dealing with. So I get how even the mildest form of contact can make us jump.

I like the kind eyes. I would like to have kind eyes with my H no matter what. Over time I am realising more and more that I gave very little attention to my H's emotional needs. When I think about that, it helps me look at him with kind eyes.

I like WWBD. Sign me up for the newsletter!

Busting out


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
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i think almost all of us have a great deal of anxiety for the situations we're in. it's hard to know what to do, how to take everything. it's so much easier to look at another's and think more clearly.

that's why you're here and why i'm glad you are. i learn from everything you, and others, write here

and we lean on each other and get through it. these are not "normal" times. you're not crazy or we all are!


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

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Thank you everyone, you all are so understanding and compassionate. I feel blessed to "cyberknow" you. Truly.

So the email yesterday was followed up by two more yesterday with questions about taxes and one more today with another question about insurance.. they are legitimate requests for information.

I will send one reply to not prolong contact. I will be cordial but professional, not personal. I think that is what grace would do... and who i want to be. i do not want to make things more difficult for her but i also want to maintain my boundaries.


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D final: 8/13
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Good for you!!!!! I am enjoying looking at things thru the eyes of what would the person I want to be do? How can I learn? I found that when I was feeling bad today and I thought that I even stood up a bit taller.

Very happy that you are finding that fine line.

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Managing contact is tough. You're doing well.

I'm thinking that you're the one who mentioned the "Be Still and Know" meditation. I dug it up and I'm finding it very helpful. Thanks for that.


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"Q:is it crazy to get thrown off kilter by a two line email??
A: yes

Q: what do I need to do?
A: chill and not take it all so seriously"

i like how you put that - i think sometimes when that "crazy" feeling hits - a lot of our reaction to how we are functioning actually makes it worse. on some level we are watching ourselves "losing it" and criticizing ourselves for not having the perfect response - and that self -criticism actually makes us feel worse and get down on ourselves bad.

i like the thing about the kind eyes - kind eyes towards ourselves as well as our spouses and everyone else in our world. being kind gives us a very warm feeling deep inside - and we sure need that, don't we - that warm feeling towards ourselves?

i think what i'm trying to say is that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to stop being so hard on ourselves for not being the most perfect DB'ers in the world

zig


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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