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#2251622 - 06/05/12 11:11 PM Needing some guidance... 4
jks Offline
Member

Registered: 03/08/12
Posts: 623
Loc: USA
Previous thread...
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2251177&page=1

I've been feeling good. I'm starting to slowly see why things have happened the way they have. I need to be a strong, independent woman who likes who she is before I can be a good wife to any man. I really am starting to embrace who I am. It's such a sense of peace.

Recently, I have been talking with that other guy more and more and I was coming to realize that it was starting to feel like a R. He was sending me messages everyday, asking me what I was up to and how my day was and always wanting to do things with me. He would make comments like "if you were single, I would totally hit on you." And he told me that if I did get divorced he didn't think it would be long before I found someone else.

And here I am telling him about my H and what's going on and he continually tells me that I should just end it. Well, I wonder why he thinks that...

I sent him a message today that I couldn't do what I was doing anymore. I had to be true to myself. I felt like by hanging out with him I was being a hypocrite and I realize now that I don't want to put myself in any kind of situation that could potentially get really complicated. My life is complicated enough.

He was very nice and cordial and wished me the best. I felt like I had the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm really starting to do things for me and it feels really good.
_________________________
Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.



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#2251702 - 06/06/12 10:18 AM Re: Needing some guidance... 4 [Re: jks]
Accuray Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/11
Posts: 2080
Good for you JKS, that was a very mature thing to do. I'm sure it was difficult, but you rose above. Be proud of yourself today!

Accuray
_________________________
Married 18, Together 20
M: 45, W: 47, D: 15, S: 13, D: 9
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Good Piecing 9/11 - 6/12
ILYBINILWY (again) 7/12
Piecing Again 9/12

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#2251709 - 06/06/12 10:31 AM Re: Needing some guidance... 4 [Re: Accuray]
bustingout Offline
Member

Registered: 05/15/12
Posts: 2478
Jks you continue to impress me as I read your progressing thread. Your maturity and strength and determination to be true to yourself is so inspiring.


You are in my thoughts always.

((()))
_________________________
TPS
Me: 42 H: 41
M12 T15
S9 D6
04/10 Rumors of OW (denied by H)
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-Rumors continue
21/04/12 H is 'DONE' (email)
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed

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#2251712 - 06/06/12 10:35 AM Re: Needing some guidance... 4 [Re: bustingout]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7820
Loc: Sonoran Desert
That does show maturity.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2251910 - 06/06/12 11:03 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 4 [Re: labug]
jks Offline
Member

Registered: 03/08/12
Posts: 623
Loc: USA
I've been reading "Codependent No More" today and just wanted to share something that stood out to me...

Worrying about other people and problems doesn't help. It doesn't solve problems, it doesn't help other people, and it doesn't help us. It is wasted energy.

"If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a fact, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system." -Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Worrying and obsessing keep us so tangled in our heads we can't solve our problems. Whenever we become attached in these ways to someone or something, we become detached from ourselves. We lose touch with ourselves. We forfeit our power and ability to think, feel, act, and take care of ourselves. We lose control.


Pretty powerful stuff here. And so true.
_________________________
Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.



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#2251963 - 06/07/12 06:43 AM Re: Needing some guidance... 4 [Re: jks]
vera be fierce Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/12
Posts: 934
^^I think I posted at least 2 of these passages in my thread while I was reading that book. smile

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#2252085 - 06/07/12 12:57 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 4 [Re: vera be fierce]
Brit45 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/12
Posts: 1108
Wow you should be really really proud of yourself!!! That is maturity and growth recognizing a situation and making a decision that's best for you! I'm so happy for you!

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#2252087 - 06/07/12 12:58 PM Re: Needing some guidance... 4 [Re: Brit45]
Brit45 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/12
Posts: 1108
Oh I feel a bit sorry for my H as well he isn't learning he isn't growing and I honestly feel like if he ever does regret us he won't do anything about it.

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#2252621 - 06/09/12 11:07 AM Re: Needing some guidance... 4 [Re: Brit45]
jks Offline
Member

Registered: 03/08/12
Posts: 623
Loc: USA
Nothing new going on here. H and I continue to text every once in a while about "business" matters only. He's always very nice.

When he got paid this last Thursday, I decided I wasn't going to ask him to transfer anything in to our joint acct. And he surprised me. He transferred a generous amount all on his own.

I have no idea what he's been doing, if he's been spending time with OW or not. I don't ask anymore and I don't want to know.

I feel like things are starting to change from within me. I can guarantee that a year ago I would never have been able to say "I like myself." But right now I really do. This is huge. I haven't felt this way about myself in a long time.

I'm realizing that taking my time with everything is actually really good for me. No more rash decisions. I'm seeing more and more that answers are coming to me little by little. This is a VERY gradual process. And for anyone thinking they just want a quick fix, you are in for a rude awakening. There is nothing quick about this.

However, this is probably the most I've ever grown and I am grateful for the experience everyday. I'm happy. I'm really happy.
_________________________
Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.



Top
#2252623 - 06/09/12 11:26 AM Re: Needing some guidance... 4 [Re: jks]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7820
Loc: Sonoran Desert
^^^That seems to be going around! Great, isn't it?
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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