Optimistic...not hopeless! :)

[Brit45]

Just read a page or two from your thread and now I will spend the afternoon reading it! I think a lot of it will resonate with me.

You are doing fantastic and I'm loving all your GAL. I'm going to look into volunteer opportunities near me!

[Accuray]

When he does come by to get his stuff:

-- Look good
-- Be happy
-- Be friendly
-- Do NOT engage in intimate conversation

I wouldn't mention that you heard he's been fishing, you don't want to give the impression that you've been sitting around thinking about him.

The rule for your conversation should be to conduct it like you would with a co-worker. Don't ask how he's doing. If he asks how you're doing, say "Great!" then provide a couple examples of your GAL activities and how happy they are making you, but don't inventory them all.

You want him to leave with questions, not answers. You want to give him a little to think about, but leave some gaps and some mystery.

Accuray

[needgrace]

Hi HP,

I love all your GAL activities and so many of your recent thoughts and feelings resonate with me. You are doing so so well.

I have been dark for 31 days now and it feels like forever (only contact for business matter) but I realize that it is such a short time compared to my M and my life.

I am glad you are taking such good care of you!

[hopingandpraying]

Thanks everyone and Accuray I will remember to do those things when/if he ever comes around. I just feel like he has completely erased me from his memory or life...like we NEVER happened!!!

I did go on my first date this past week. It was nice. I had a good time, good conversation, good food. It just felt WEIRD! I was enjoying my time with this guy but in my heart I knew it was NOT my H and that's the only person I wanted it to be!

I started my vball league last night and met some GREAT people. My friend and I joined so it will be nice to hang out with my new friends every Friday! I never felt like I ever truly lost myself in my marriage and I still don't but it did feel good to do some sporting event because I have always been into sports! This is something that I will continue to do!

Even at vball, I had a guy that was already interested in me. I really don't understand how it seems as if everyone else sees how awesome I am and my H is the LAST person who wants to be around me and I have never really acted that much differently around my H. What you see is what you get...at home and at work and while out!!

Well, I'm off to plant some flowers, shop, and visit some friends! I hope everyone has a great day!

Side note: H has this weekend off and he still did not mention that he would want to pick up the rest of his belongings...these type of things still baffle my mind!

[scaredsilly]

after 8 years together, he has not erased you. my H let it slip one time that he thinks about us and our sitch "about 28 times a day".

from what i've read on here, they think about us a lot.

[jks]

You are doing so great. I know exactly how you feel about dating... it's hard to let your mind go there with someone else. It's like you spend your life trying to find that person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and then you find them and marry them. Why should you have to start trying to find someone else when you already have that person?? It's pretty silly.

I hope things are still going well for you...

[hopingandpraying]

It's been awhile since I've last posted...last couple weeks of work before summer break...BUSY BUSY!

Anyways, nothing really new on my end. H still has not come to get the rest of things, but he emailed me saying that I have been deceitful (I have not at all) these past few months and that I have a scheme with this divorce and asked why I haven't filed yet.

I didn't even know how to respond to his email...At first I had this long in depth email responding to the fact that he called ME the deceitful one and said that I've acquired everything from our life together and he has NOTHING to show for it. He also stated the only thing that was messed with was my emotions a little in this whole situation.

I was in complete awe of his email to me and like I said, had this long response, but all I came up with was..I'm sorry you feel this way. If you would like the divorce, go file and please let me know when you want to pick up the rest of your belongings.

I'm almost at my breaking point. I still love him, but I don't think I can deal with him ignoring me or the life and plans we had created. I have begun dating, which goes against some of my beliefs because I am STILL married. However, I am open with the guys that I have been hanging out with. It's fun to hang out with and meet new people, but it still feels weird and different because deep down inside, I want it to be my H.

My internal timeline to decide to file on my own or not is at the end of this week, so we will see how this all works out...I'm not sure what to do...

[MrBond]

How about...

"I do not appreciate you referring to me as 'deceitful' and deserve respect. I'm sorry you feel this way. As this is your decision, if you would like the divorce, go ahead and file. By the way, I've placed your belongings in a box and will leave them outside for you to pick up this week. If you don't get them I'll assume that you don't want them any more and will have them donated to Goodwill."

[Accuray]

HopingAndPraying,

I think your response was perfect -- two sentences, to the point. Perfect! He must have really twisted himself up to cast himself in the helpless victim role. You didn't even acknowledge his ridiculous accusation, and you let him know that if he wants to D, he has to do the work. It must have taken an incredible amount of strength not to get sucked into a longer response. I applaud you for that -- well done!

Accuray

[Accuray]

He wants so badly for you to "act the bad guy", he's just baiting you to do so. The WAS does that to reinforce the crazy rationalizations they've constructed. When you refuse the play, you throw a HUGE wrench in the works. Keep ignoring the bait.

Accuray