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Link to my old thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...143#Post2242143

Venting/Journaling:

Another bad day at work...May is not looking good for me as of now frown

I'm trying to look to the positive side of things and know the good in my life--I have a job that I love, loving friends, amazing people on this forum, loving family, a house/home over my head...to name a few.

It is just tough on these days to come home and not be able to vent to my best friend. I know that's living in the past and I need to move forward to my new future, which as of right now, does not include my H and I have vented to other people and they have been great! smile

Really trying to move forward...day by day...minute by minute! I've named my thread optimistic...not hopeless because even if my M is truly over, which it really seems that way now, I am optimistic about the future ahead of me...even on these not so good days! frown


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,711
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I love the tile of your new thread! Keep the positive thinking going!!


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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I think you are doing really well. I get the missing the best friend to vent.

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I"m trying to keep the positive thinking going. I tell my coworkers every day to think of something good in their lives when they are down on themselves.

I feel it's just so hard in our situations because it just feels like the rug has been pulled up from under us. I also feel though that I should be better off than I am, because my H has been out of the house for almost 3 months and we've had VERY little contact (saw each other 5 times, texted maybe 20 texts back and forth, and talked on the phone maybe 5x) and NOTHING for the past 3 1/2 weeks!

I am no longer thinking about him every minute of the day, but I still do think about him and wonder what he's thinking. I just miss my old H and miss the good times.

I am doing more GAL activities and trying to better myself. I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this...being rejected from my H, who not too long ago couldn't wait to hold me at night!


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
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the rollercoaster goes down the hill and the pain returns...again. the pain and fear i read on these posts is so moving. i'm with you. we're all with you. we will all get through this. people have before us and we're just as strong and as good as they are. we will be happy again. hang in there. tomorrow will be better!


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

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So I have been thinking...I've been dark with no contact with my H for 3 1/2 weeks. The last time we talked, it was a pretty good argument in person, then screaming over the phone, and then ended with texting that we should wait a couple weeks and discuss things further as to let things cool down.

As stated before, my H has moved into his own apartment (has not told me personally, told a friend), still has belongings here...bedroom furniture, tv stand, and military memorabilia, and has not filed for D even though he is the one who states he wants it.

My only question now is...does he think I'm not contacting him because I was so mad on the phone and am holding a grudge? That is one of his complaints about me...that he doesn't want to work on things with me because he 'knows' I will not be able to get over things.

I have trust issues with him from an EA he had over a year ago, which was hard to get over, but then he just made it worse by having an EA/PA starting this January, so he really thinks that I will never be able to get over this one.

Part of my fear is that he now just thinks I'm mad. I guess, though, if he thinks that I'm mad and still wanted to contact me, he would. But he hasn't. So, I guess I have my answer...that he still does not want anything to do with me at this point. Right??


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,711
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Stay dark.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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That is one of his complaints about me...that he doesn't want to work on things with me because he 'knows' I will not be able to get over things.


Was this before or after the affairs?

You have a lot to "get over"-married 5 years and he's had 2 As. Can you get over the affairs, really forgive him?

I think you're right to not contact him. It will give you a chance to figure out what you want.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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It was after the affairs. The first one lasted only like 1 week and it was just texting. I'm not really too sure about this last one because he's not even willing to try to reconcile. I still think he is with this OW...not even sure because we don't talk.

A huge part of me thinks that I can get over this and really forgive because I know the man he can be when he's happy about life and I know the woman I can be when I'm loving every minute of life and looking positively towards my future.

As of now, I still want my H home working on things with me, but in the mean time I'm 'moving on' with my life without him.


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
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T2P and Labug are right -- do not reach out. You want to contact him, so the whole "maybe he's waiting for me" thing above is just something you are making up to justify contacting him.

You're doing the best thing you can do by giving him space and not reaching out. I know its tearing you up, but reaching out to him won't work and will just set you back. Resist mind reading and trying to second guess yourself. He knows his stuff is there, he knows where to find you, and he will when he is ready. He really wants space so you are being the best partner you can be right now. Hang tough!

If you don't think you can take it, but a date on your calendar for 5 weeks from today. After 5 more weeks, allow yourself to reach out. When the day comes, you can decide to reach out if you need to, decide to continue dark, or decide to move on with your life. Having that date in your calendar can be reassuring.

You are showing incredible discipline, its very impressive. Keep going!

Accuray


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
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