I guess we have "Irreconcilable Differences"

[NYCPeter]

Hey folks :

Nothing new to report - but I do have a question.
The marital agreement my W's lawyer is drawing up says spousal support will end "on cohabitation (60 continuous days) with an adult male who is unrelated and not a tenant".

I objected to the "and not a tenant" - what's to stop OM moving in and writing a small check every month. My W called me controlling.. Am I being unreasonable? Seems to me it would be almost impossible to prove that he wasn't a tenant. It's not like she has a history of renting out rooms to men.

[needgrace]

I would be concerned about that too. .. but then my W called me controlling as well. : )

[vera be fierce]

Can "your" objection be made through your L so it sounds less like it's coming from you? What did your L say about that clause, or are you not using the L for the agreement?

[NYCPeter]

I paid my L to review the original agreement and give me feedback. My L wanted another 7.5k as a retainer and I felt it was a waste of money unless we went to litigation.

[kml]

Well, I think you COULD go to court and push a case that proves that theoretical OM is actually a lover and not just a tenant.

That being said - is this really the hill you want to die on?

I'll tell you what it's like from MY side. I have a similar clause in my divorce agreement. I mommy-tracked my career for 2 decades while supporting my H in his pursuit of excellence and success. The alimony I receive helps make up some of the difference between my earning power now, and what my earning power might have been if MY career had been the family priority. It is essential to me being able to buy my own home, pay for my share of kids' college expenses, and save for retirement.

Since my divorce I have dated a couple of men who might (theoretically) have been in a position where staying at my house for a few months would have been very helpful to them. But it's not something I can even consider offering.

Even non-date male friends who might make great tenants, I wouldn't consider - because my H is just the type to try to make something out of it, even if there's nothing going on.

Meanwhile, my H is free to live with his girlfriend, which he has for the last couple of years.

[NYCPeter]

kml - I don't mind her having a tenant, but having OM move in and I still pay full alimony would be a bitter pill to swallow.
She will be getting more than enough $$ in CS and alimony to live a comfortable lifestyle (greater than 55% of my salary) - if she chooses to invite a man to the home to share her life I don't think I should be funding it.

My W didn't give up her career - she wanted to be a full-time mum. There is nothing stopping her from getting a full-time job, she chooses not to. I will have the girls 50% of the time and give up more than half my salary - (NY state does not take into account % parenting time when calculating CS - just the monied spouse pays unless it's greater than 50% of the time).

So in short - yes I feel justified doing this.

[AprilT]

NYCPeter I would def have issues with another person moving in and I was funding the relationship. Stand your ground on this and establish some firm boundaries. Best of luck to you.

[NYCPeter]

Well it's been a big week.

I received the final matrimonial agreement from my W's L - I'll sign it barring any red flags from my L. As I'm sure is the case with everyone, there was some give and take but I feel I am giving more - I did get the time I wanted with the girls and W gets more $$ than I wanted to pay, but as my L says - in court she could have got more depending on the judge.

We received a cash offer on the house contingent on inspection. I thought it was too low - my W wants to accept, we've negotiated up a little, but buyers want to move in by mid June.

I feel worn down by the D - I want my W to be happy, I'm assuming her A continues (she still comes in late after work) - I am moving on with my life.

A close friend said I must be "bitter" - I said my W and girls are the best thing that ever happened to me. Now it's time to have new experiences with my girls.

Peace everyone....

[unbidden]

What a great attitude. You inspire me.

[NYCPeter]

Apologies - I owe everyone a long overdue update.

I'm still in a good place - the D is progressing at a rapid pace and I really don't have any plans to stop it.

Our house has sold - we've settled everything re: separation agreement and I am moving out next week (house needs to be vacated by the end of the month).

I have found an apartment complex nearby and my W will be moving to a small cottage - She has promised I can see the girls as often as I like outside of the pre-arranged times.

Divorce is filed - should be final in 6 weeks.

My W's affair continues - but that really is no concern of mine, she chose this path and I haven't let on that I know that it's ongoing.

Looking forward to making a new home for the girls to come and stay with me. W is working all weekend so I get to take them horseback riding and planning to take them to a minor league baseball game on Sunday.

Overall I'd say I'm content - it's not what I wanted, but it's a life I can build on and I know my girls will be a big part of it.

Peace everyone....