Turn another page....

[ces67]

Time for a new thread. Here's the link to the last

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2236699#Post2236699

W made it back from her trip. The welcome home was cordial. Conversations between us are increasing slightly and they are even dealing with delicate topics.

We spoke a few times while W was driving home yesterday (8 hour drive). One topic dealt with tense interactions W has with my family. As with any relationship, challeges exist on both sides. I focused on listening and validating her frustrations. The opportunity existed to provide input after that to help my W understand what my family was seeing as well. W was open to listening and it did not limit further discussions later in the day which was good.

Issue: W was back in prior home for just under 2 weeks. This is the area where all my family lives. W did not tell any of them that she was there. However, my siblings saw her FB posts showing her in town going out to dinner and doing various things with her friends. On her way out of town, W calls my parents to say she is leaving and wants to stop by to visit. The visit went OK, but my mom (who just finished up her initial series of chemo treatments) was upset that W as in town that long and only called on her way out of town.

So Mom calls my sister upset, my sister calls my brother crying and then brother txts my W to tell her not to cause drama because mom isn't feeling good, then calls me to bring me up to date....Ugh.

W's view is that she tried and nothing she does will be 'right' with my family. Also said if they saw she was in town on FB, then why didn't they call her.

Family view - If W didn't mention it and was in town the assumption was made she didn't want to see them. I did share with my W that while my mom was glad to see her and glad that she took the time to stop in, it may have been helpful to let them know ahead of time that she was in town even with very limited time rather than last minute on the way out of town.

Again, W and I were able to talk about this in a very civil way even though we both expressed frustration. Not a bad step in the journey. Still keeping my expectations in check.

[ces67]

Also - In keeping W up to date on stuff, I e-mailed her today letting her know some schedule stuff.

1 - Taking off Friday to do an activity with S13 at school and then taking off in the afternoon to go see a movie
2 - date night with D10 on Saturday to go see a local play and have dinner.

W responded thanking me for letting her know. Said she was working the event at school on Friday as well and asked if she could join us for lunch
W also said D10 may want all of us to go on Saturday and asked if it was OK for her to join us for the play and dinner.

I responded that she was welcome to join for both and left it at that.

She has still not specifically mentioned my list of "good stuff" that I sent her but our 2nd convesation during her drive she shared that she had been reading her own marriage material and was trying to focus on the good stuff rather than the bad stuff.

So my 180 of initiating conversation vs. the withdraw practice which was my former way, seems to be paying some small dividends.

[RoRoinMD]

Ces - I love that you have a date with your D10. So cute! She will remember those FOREVER.

I think you're doing great with your 180! And your W seems to be doing some deep diving of her own. Trust me, she's read your list...

[ces67]

Thanks Ro. It's been a while since we've had a date so it's high time to start up again.

Nothing major today in the M. W seems a bit distant this evening. Maybe the squirrel is a bit skittish after all the normal interactions. I've backed off.

[2thepoint]

CES - great update. It sounds like things are shifting ever so slowly, but shifting nonetheless. Keep your powder dry.... slow and cool.

It is nice to see your W taking an interest going places with you and the kids. Has this been a normal pattern or is it a new behavior since the bomb? I'm also, interested in whether or not anything has changed regarding the tee shirt or picture collage?

Keep up the good work, you are doing great!

[ces67]

Hey 2, My W expressing an interest in joining me for activities is very new.

The t-shirt & picture are still there but W has clarified that our D10 selected the picture, not her and the t-shirt came from her friend, not the OM. So I've addressed my feelings and that's her response. I'm leaving it at that for now.

Increased communication continues through e-mail & txt while I'm at work this week. Last night not a lot of conversation because of kid activities and I had to replace a broken shower head in our bathroom. But W did thank me for getting it fixed so quickly.

The squirrel is still very cautious but showing more curiosity at the moment!

[E-Chic]

I think it's cute that you think of your wife as a squirrel As someone who is trying to avoid becoming a WAW I can relate to that description.

It sounds like you are doing everything right, you deserve a big pat on the back for that. It's good to hear that you are spending so much time with your kids, too.

----------------
Me: 40, H: 43
No Kids
M: 13, T: 15
In Counseling, fingers crossed

[sayitaintso]

Great update CES, I see a lot of positives. You seem to be very aware of what results your actions bring which is key.

Wishing you continued success!

[ces67]

Thanks SAIS, I'm slow but I learn! And I also realize that what works today may not work tomorrow (sad truth of life I suppose).

Another 180, I did this morning. W had asked a couple weeks ago if I ever played "Words with Friends". I have not done this but today I signed up and sent her a game invitation. Thought it might be a good way to have fun without the stress of direct interactions.

(somehow I actually posted this to 2TP's thread by mistake...what I get for posting at work!)

[RoRoinMD]

Hey 2, My W expressing an interest in joining me for activities is very new.

The t-shirt & picture are still there but W has clarified that our D10 selected the picture, not her and the t-shirt came from her friend, not the OM. So I've addressed my feelings and that's her response. I'm leaving it at that for now.

Increased communication continues through e-mail & txt while I'm at work this week. Last night not a lot of conversation because of kid activities and I had to replace a broken shower head in our bathroom. But W did thank me for getting it fixed so quickly.

The squirrel is still very cautious but showing more curiosity at the moment!

Thanks SAIS, I'm slow but I learn! And I also realize that what works today may not work tomorrow (sad truth of life I suppose).

Another 180, I did this morning. W had asked a couple weeks ago if I ever played "Words with Friends". I have not done this but today I signed up and sent her a game invitation. Thought it might be a good way to have fun without the stress of direct interactions.

I think you handled the t-shirt and picture issue correctly. She clarified, now leave it alone. (Although, totally not DB, but the t-shirt would disappear mysteriously. LOL)

Love the Words with Friends idea. I might have to steal it. LOL

Btw, I need a shower head replaced too. Do you take outside jobs? ;-)[