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yes, "blame or change" (I should really use preview more LOL)

I like FB too and spend far more time on it than I should but there are a lot of people I hide 'cause it's just not worth the aggravation.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Having a rough morning. S12 was unhappy with some things and was complaining. It reminded me all over again how things aren't the way they used to be. The tears seem so close to the surface at times but I try really diligently not to let the boys see me cry.


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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Yes, when I look back on the early days (months) of my sitch, I was a mess. My boys saw me cry.

I was sad. I tried not to blame but I did tell them that sometimes I was sad and sometimes I would cry. They didn't need to worry about me or try to fix me.

I also told them I would get through it.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Posts: 1,696
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Thanks, labug. It's not wrong to feel sad if we are hurt. I like the not expecting someone else to worry about me or fix me part. H has his journey but I have mine too! As painful as it is that he chose to move out, it does give me some space to grow. And I need that!

I guess I can go on with the day. Once I get on the riding mower, maybe my tears will blow away in the wind! Lol!


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Riding my bike was an outlet for me. I would coast down the hills and scream as loud as I could (luckily there were no people around).

I would also call him every name in the book while riding.

Helped get it out of my system.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
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Love it!


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
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H came by for a visit. It was quite low key since he was still sick. Hard to read him. I stuck to good DB'ing. Warm, friendly, helpful, kind. No R talk. No ILY.

He seemed, even in spite of the sickness, more relaxed here than before. Maybe being sick and stopping the partying and stopping drinking alcohol (temporarily) has helped him gain a little perspective. Idk.

Why does it bother me when he calls HP "home"? Just a little thing. Does that bother anyone else?

He said he might come out here Friday to look at a dirt bike in town for S12. He looked at me inquiringly, somehow, a few times, but I always had a pleasant, gentle expression on my face. No trace of tears or sadness. I told myself firmly, "you can always cry later when he is gone". And it worked! And you know what? I'm not even crying now! Yay!

It's not really like I have a thing to cry about. I've read some other people's sitch'es and I have it really, really easy! You just get in a habit of feeling sorry for yourself & then the tears come. But I can just as easily get in a habit of being happy, could I not?


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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It bothers me when H calls his place home. I try to ignore it but I think it's because I worked so hard to make a "home" and he can call anyplace home just because his stuff is there.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
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I went to the store today to get some groceries and noticed how I felt a little different. I wasn't so absorbed in my situation that I didn't notice anybody else.
I wonder sometimes if GAL isn't just going out and doing new things, but how you feel about yourself in the ordinary every-day things you do.

I had a smile for the stock boy at the store who asked me how I was. Chatted amiably with the cashier about families. I played peek-a-boo with the one year old in the cart ahead of me, and a big smile for a grandma-type who walked by.

These are things I couldn't/didn't do when I was feeling too sorry for myself. When I notice other people, when I walk with confidence, it makes me feel a whole lot better about me. Like not all of life has to do with the fact my husband and I are separated.


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
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Originally Posted By: reachingHigher
I went to the store today to get some groceries and noticed how I felt a little different. I wasn't so absorbed in my situation that I didn't notice anybody else.
I wonder sometimes if GAL isn't just going out and doing new things, but how you feel about yourself in the ordinary every-day things you do.

I had a smile for the stock boy at the store who asked me how I was. Chatted amiably with the cashier about families. I played peek-a-boo with the one year old in the cart ahead of me, and a big smile for a grandma-type who walked by.

These are things I couldn't/didn't do when I was feeling too sorry for myself. When I notice other people, when I walk with confidence, it makes me feel a whole lot better about me. Like not all of life has to do with the fact my husband and I are separated.


Yeah! It's great to be able to look up at people again! I have noticed the same thing recently smile

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