oh, maggie, yesterday and the whole weekend was hard on me, too. i completely understand. holidays are supposed to be family time and that's what we remember and why it's so hard when it's not there anymore.
i feel better today. i'm reading all the post-it papers i stuck around the house and it helps me.
take care of yourself!
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
well, i learned it here. someone said they did it and i then did. they are inspirational posts. i put them in the places where i usually am in the house. i have one taped to my laptop: "never violate the sacredness of your individual self-respect."
another on my vanity mirror: "just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. and just when you think it can't get any better, it can."
and one of my favorites: "even on my weakest days, i get a little stonger."
i have probably about 10-15 more around the house; on my desk, on either side of the kitchen sink, on my mirror in the bathroom.
i read them daily and they help.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Oh I like that. I often write down quotes from books I like in my little journal. Maybe I will do that so I can actually keep re-reading them on a daily basis.
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
Maggie I am so happy that you are feeling like you and making jokes in the meeting! Cherish that feeling and enjoy it and it will grow!
I feel like my H is making some of his Dad's mistakes as well. As much as we may want the best for them it's their choice. Nothing we can do or say can change that.
Acceptance.
So tell us what have you done for you lately? Why do you think you're feeling this way?
I think because I have been working out this week, plus had stuff after work each day that kept me busy and I've gotten a lot of compliments lately, which always helps. It may have been getting that yard work done this weekend too. Proving myself so to speak.
The past 2 days when I have signed on to my gmail and my H was on he didn't sign off. It was really irking me that he was doing that when I hadn't signed on to chat with him. I sign in like once a day- always have- to check my email. Guess he finally gets that I'm not going on there seeking him out. That kind of feels good too.
Last night I had a little work party and got home late. When I got home the motion light was on and it pretty much only turns on when you walk in our driveway. It kind of freaked me out. Then this morning I went to put the ladder H had left out away and it was gone. I freaked out thinking someone had stolen it. H had texted me Monday saying he left it out and could I put it away. I then found the ladder put away in a weird spot outside. I think h must have come to the house- and late. I don't think he came in the house bc ladder was still outside. I feel like I may need to speak with him- did he come to see if I had put the ladder away? Does he make a habit of driving by? He is staying at his moms a half hour away and passes our exit from work but it's a good 10-15 min out of his way. Very weird.
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
So I think I have almost completely detached from my H and our M. I have barely thought about him at all, and when I do think of him it really isn't with any fondness but not with anger either. I guess this is a good thing but I am wondering if this all happened too fast and at some point I am going to get a smack in the face of emotions because I processed too fast? I have also been getting quite a bit of male attention- and though I am not trying to validate myself through men, it feels good to know that I've still got it and all of the wounds he inflicted on my ego through the bomb, telling me he had never been attracted to me, etc seem to be healing.
Yesterday I got into a minor fender bender-rear ended in my brand new car I handled it very cool, didn't cry (which would have been my old reaction) and realized a few hours later that I didn't even THINK of calling or texting my H. I didn't even call my mom until a bit later, just got back in my car and headed to my destination. It made me feel more adult to have handled it that way...granted, I haven't filed a police report or called my insurance yet.
I also got a text last night from one of H's friend's wife, who I had been close with. Her and her husband were the other couple we socialized with the most. She asked if I wanted to do something, but I already had plans so we decided we'd get together soon. It felt good to know that I can still maintain relationships with his friends who became "our" friends. That was one thing I had been really feeling sad about. And I know her and I have enough in common that our friendship doesn't have to be based around our marriages.
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
You sound like you're doing amazing!!! I'm so happy for you. It feels weird when H comes to what is now your place without you there. It's a strange minefield though and I regretted talking about it.
I've learned that I'll feel detached and something will take me down a bet. That's why so many of us loved the idea of learning to float. The "waves" will come through and you'll go back and forth and it's trying to remember that it's all just emotions that will pass through. I had a tough time with it today. But try to remember this feeling and it will carry you through the next time.
Really happy you're feeling independent and confident!
