Hang in there and go easy on yourself. I am glad you are GAL and got a little confidence boost from that divorced dad! But you are no hag, NLW...you are a beautiful, smart, successful, kind, funny, fun and loving mom...and a woman only a fool would leave.
I had a good mothers' day - the kids made me beautiful cards and my mum (who's 86) went to a great deal of effort to make a lovely lunch for us all. So, yes, I am blessed.
But this weekend.... I have a raging toothache. And wouldn't you know it came in on Friday night (i.e. no dentist available)?
It's much worse when I try to lie down and is sensitive to hot and cold so I have diagnosed root canal as the likely treatment.
Before I got hold of some Ibrufrofen/codeine, I was almost crying with the pain as I walked the supermarket isles doing our weekly shop. Nothing like throbbing physical pain to add to emotional devastation!
But thank goodness for pain killers that WORK! Imagine what it was like in the old days.....
Just gotta make it through to Monday morning so I can ring the dentist. Not looking forward to the medieval torture that is root canal, though.
I had a good mothers' day - the kids made me beautiful cards and my mum (who's 86) went to a great deal of effort to make a lovely lunch for us all. So, yes, I am blessed.
But this weekend.... I have a raging toothache. And wouldn't you know it came in on Friday night (i.e. no dentist available)?
It's much worse when I try to lie down and is sensitive to hot and cold so I have diagnosed root canal as the likely treatment.
Before I got hold of some Ibrufrofen/codeine, I was almost crying with the pain as I walked the supermarket isles doing our weekly shop. Nothing like throbbing physical pain to add to emotional devastation!
But thank goodness for pain killers that WORK! Imagine what it was like in the old days.....
Just gotta make it through to Monday morning so I can ring the dentist. Not looking forward to the medieval torture that is root canal, though.
Ah I can so relate to the tooth issue - I had my then 4year old with me, I was exhausted from sitch with H, and I was crying from pain in the car driving to the pharmacy, showed up and realized I forgot my wallet and had to go home for it. Fun times! But we did splurge on ice cream because the tooth issue kept me from eating over the weekend.
No fun I agree..
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
Arrgh, got stuck in traffic taking the kids to school this morning and so couldn't ring the dentist for an emerg appointment until 30 mins after they opened - by which time they'd "been inundated' by emerg callers apparently.
So, I can't get in for another 2 days. OMG - at least the pain will take my mind off my sitch with H.....
Big combined orchestral concert for S13 tonight. As usual, no idea whether H will show or not. No longer concerns me the way it used to, although always feel sad for S13.
No sleep for 3 nights now due to tooth and can't eat much either, so I look a real treat (I looked a bit haggard to start with due to LBS diet).
Still, will put on my glad rags and enjoy the evening - S13 has been rehearsing for this for 3 months now.
Thanks LIO for dropping by - I can imagine your frustration when you discovered you forgot your wallet: Just give me the pain killers!!!!
Hi Guys, I need to respond to a letter my H sent today asking for 50% split of all of my assets (house, contents, superannuation) - all of which I owned before he came to the marriage with no assets at all and proceeded to lose a fortune (my savings and equity) through bad businesses. He has given me 1 week to respond and then he will "instruct his lawyer to pursue a court date to pursue a settlement according to these terms".
He says he would "like to get this out of the way as it is weighing on my mind."
No mention of 'Divorce'.
What do you think of the following reply - apologies for the length, but I need to give him a wake-up call about what this process is going to involve. To date he has steadfastly refused to divulge any of this financial information. Readers can skip the detail of the financial stuff. I'm mainly interested in your opinions about the general tone and the personal parts of the response. Ready for all sorts of 2x4s:
Dear H, Thank you again for your time and effort in putting together your financial proposal. Reviewing it confirmed to me that at this point neither of us has sufficient information to arrive at an optimal solution for how to best separate our complicated financial situation.
My response to the lawyer's letter that you showed me in February remains the same.
The general principles that are always considered when deciding financial matters after the breakdown of a marriage involve the following: Formally documenting what we have got and what we owe, that is our assets and debts and what they are worth.
Establishing the direct financial contributions by each party over the course of the marriage such as wage and salary earnings.
Looking at indirect financial contributions by each party such as gifts and inheritances from families.
Establishing the non-financial contributions to the marriage such as caring for children and homemaking.
Considering future requirements things like age, health, financial resources, care of children and ability to earn.
A just and equitable decision needs to be based on a consideration of these unique facts of the case.
More specifically, my advice is that the splitting of any assets has to be decided on the basis of a list of all the assets, debts, expenses, liabilities, incomes, etc. This will require: 1. Recent mortgage statements; 2. Copies of any valuation obtained on any house or other property in the last 6 months; 3. Copies of statements covering the last 12 months in respect of every Bank, Building Society or National Savings Account which are held, either in sole names or jointly; 4. Surrender value quotations for all insurance policies; 5. Copies of our last 3 payslips and the end of year statements for the last 3 years; 6. Copies of the last 3 years accounts for any businesses and trusts; 7. Details of any debts or liabilities; 8. Copies of credit/store card statements; 10. Details of all other assets/businesses/investments.
In short, in financial and property matters it is a standard requirement that the following information is disclosed. All sources of earnings Financial interests Income Property Other financial resources Property disposal (sale, transfer, assignment or gift) made within a year before separation or after separation.
We also need to factor in the following:
Expenses and separate itemisation of expenses specific to children. These include household, transportation, and personal expenses.
Assets and debts, including particulars such as the names of financial institutions and account numbers.
Special lists for itemising on a per child basis, the alleged monthly special or extraordinary expenses.
What also needs to be taken into account is how much each party contributed to the relationship. There are four main groups of contributions that are taken into account: Financial Parental Homemaker Non-Financial
If we can agree on the specific details of these 4 matters the process will be expedited.
1. Financial Contributions Financial Contributions are all monetary contributions to the relationship. Financial contributions can include but are not limited to: Wages Amount each person had at the start of the relationship and what specific items/assets they brought to the union. Allegations of wastage in respect of finances.
2. Parenting Contributions These contributions could be described as the amount of parenting that was done, such as helping children with homework, taking them to school, organizing their activities, buying their clothing, spending time with them, etc.
3. Homemaker Contributions These are the contributions made to the home for example vacuuming, cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing, gardening, etc. Whether domestic help was used is taken into account.
4. Non-Financial Contributions Non-financial contributions are contributions made which have resulted in the increase of size in the net asset pool, eg renovations such as the built-in cupboard that you made in S13's bedroom, the fence that you erected in the backyard, and so on.
An agreed property/ business/ travel chronology along the following lines (see below for the type of detail that is required) will expedite the process and ensure that any decision as to who is owed what is based on the same agreed information.
[Worked example of a chronology of relevant financial/property events in a marriage inserted here.]
As before, H, I can only say that the fact that we have come to this saddens me beyond expression.
I think you know that this is not what I want for us at all. Given the opportunity, I'd like to give our life together as a family with our two dear children another chance. This would mean doing things very differently in order to build an entirely new relationship based on what we have learned through this difficult time.
Yet, I have accepted that you don't want that and I agree that we need to resolve our financial situation as soon as possible in the interests of our children.
My position is not intended to hurt you in any way and I hope you can believe that. Like you, I just want a fair resolution that works in the best interest of our children. I believe, however, that nobody wins in a situation like this.
As you say, at this point we can move forward in one of 2 ways, a collaborative separation process or a traditional litigation route. It is my hope that we can proceed collaboratively. Given that we currently have an amount of $15,000 outstanding for last terms school fees, I believe we would be hard-pressed to pay the legal fees that would be incurred if relevant documentation is required to be pursued via court orders or processes of forensic accounting. My hope is that if you do decide to go down the route of litigation, that we at least prioritize payment of the school fees before incurring further significant ongoing debt in relation to laywers fees.
Whatever route we take, it seems that the same standard documentation will be required. I understand that it will be time-consuming, but just and equitable decisions cannot be made in the absence of full information. I am happy to work with you to put together the required documentation, and to work on an agreed chronology, in order to expedite the process.
Again, I am so sorry about our situation. My hope was that we could continue to work together in partnership to build a future for our family by way of the occupations and businesses that we worked so hard to maintain over the years. Most of all, I cannot express the depth of my sadness to be loosing you as my husband and partner in life.
I would respond saying that doesn't work for me and ask for the name of his lawyer so your lawyer can contact him/her.
alternatively, I would say that doesn't work for me. I have found mediator x that is reputable and I would like to see to save me and the kids some money. if that does not work for you, please give me the name of your attorney and ill have my attorney contact him/her.
your letter is pursuing, it is implicitly invalidating of your H's wishes even as it claims to be accepting and it also is patronizing or talking down to in the sense that you are trying to educate him about the legal process and all that he doesn't know or is not considering. emasculating to a man and not ur responsibility -- leave that to the lawyers mediators or judge to edumacate him.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
few more thoughts. your letter and thinking is still full of 'we's'. The only we you should be thinking or writing about is you and the kids. in relation to ur was it should be 'I'
you also might preface ur response by welcoming the overture. oh im glad you brought this up H because getting my financial in order also has been weighing on my mind.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
