Hi guys, thanks for popping in with some good advice.
I'm really down today in relation to some new financial info that I just found out.
As you know, my H and I are struggling to cover the mortgage, credit card and school fee debts that we have. They are pretty much crippling. I have had to borrow money from my parents and inlaws to get by.
Today I discovered that in the last few months, H has overdrawn massively on all the credit cards in his name. He is spending like there's no tomorrow - literally!
And what is he spending on? - high-price restaurant meals, expensive chocolates, bottles of champagne (not to mention flights interstate and hotel accommodation).
It is sheer madness. I suspect that he has actually lost touch with reality- not just in an MLC way. But then it occurred to me that he might be trying to go bankrupt. Just before he files for D - as a strategy to avoid having to pay half of any of our shared debt.
I'm really at a loss as to how to deal with his spending. In a sense, it's none of my business - we are separated. BUT, we have such large outstanding debts that are incurring interest rates above 20%.
Perhaps this is still just what mlc creates and nothing more (i.e. not a clinical condition, not a cold-blooded attempt to void paying in the longer term).
I might just answer with a "No bother. What's up?". There's no sense mind reading why he starts out the conversation that way, but I think by answering in a quick, no-nonsense manner you may be able to get on with the conversation without any awkward pauses.
In case you aren't already doing this, I would also suggest letting his calls go to voice mail more often than not and then returning his calls later that morning, during lunch hour, etc. Let him wonder why you aren't jumping every time he rings.
Hi guys, thanks for popping in with some good advice.
I'm really down today in relation to some new financial info that I just found out.
As you know, my H and I are struggling to cover the mortgage, credit card and school fee debts that we have. They are pretty much crippling. I have had to borrow money from my parents and inlaws to get by.
Today I discovered that in the last few months, H has overdrawn massively on all the credit cards in his name. He is spending like there's no tomorrow - literally!
And what is he spending on? - high-price restaurant meals, expensive chocolates, bottles of champagne (not to mention flights interstate and hotel accommodation).
It is sheer madness. I suspect that he has actually lost touch with reality- not just in an MLC way. But then it occurred to me that he might be trying to go bankrupt. Just before he files for D - as a strategy to avoid having to pay half of any of our shared debt.
I'm really at a loss as to how to deal with his spending. In a sense, it's none of my business - we are separated. BUT, we have such large outstanding debts that are incurring interest rates above 20%.
Perhaps this is still just what mlc creates and nothing more (i.e. not a clinical condition, not a cold-blooded attempt to void paying in the longer term).
So very confused and unsure.
Just saw this post after I responded to your other one. This ^^^^^ is why I've been encouraging you to get to your attorney NOW to get a financial agreement in order. Giving 2x4s is not my typical nature, but in my opinion, he's going to spend your money, your kids' money, your parents' money and his parents' money until there is NOTHING left! You need to stop him NOW with the assistance of the court. Let him spend ow's money on that crazy, unrealistic lifestyle they are living. As I used to have to say with regard to my husband and his ow..,you may be taking her to the Four Seasons with money like it grows on trees now, but real life isn't the Four Seasons. Real life is a mortgage (or 2), cars, food on the table, bills, education, etc.
You are a very smart woman, NLW. Please do make the most stupid mistake of your life and let him continue to break you. Again, just because you set a legally binding financial agreement does note mean you cannot one day reconcile. It just means you are taking care of your kids and you now.
I have to agree with NCL 100% on this -- I would go see a lawyer TOMORROW and ask for their assistance with this situation to protect yourself. You might also ask them to help you with debt consolidation so you can beat down that interest rate -- that alone will kill you. You absolutely do not want to be liable for any of his current spending, and you may want to put a lien on any assets he owns (if possible) so that if he does declare bankruptcy you're first in line. I really wouldn't wait until Monday to deal with that. Any setback it causes in your sitch you'll recover from -- the financial situation will be harder to recover!
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
NLW, it also seems that your H is wildly out of control, maybe unstable right now. He goes from nice to raging in an instant. This shows that he is not in control of his emotions and that can lead to bad things happening. Money issues are often a trigger.
Can you arrange that he doesn't come around when there is no other adult there? I know you will say you don't want to or that's not my H, but it's better to be safe....
I'm worried for your physical safety.
Take care.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Hi NLW ((( ))) please take care of yourself. The advice from these guys is gold. You have ALL of our support. Have faith.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
NLW, I'll echo what everyone else has said. Please take care of yourself, and protect yourself financially if you can. Seems like your H is out of control, and his short term craziness could cause you long term issues.
