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Hi everyone! Hope the long holiday weekend for US posters was nice. It is hot here so not as much outdoor time as I would have liked.
I am starting this new post because my last was well over 100, it was time.
It's been a tough few days around here. I am feeling overwhelmed to say the least. Just seems to be so much hitting at once and I need to take a breath and relax for a minute. I can't let it get to me.
STBX is taking the kids to dinner and golfing tonight, which is great. He hasn't seen them in well over a week.
I can't seem to express to him that it may be easier once he has a place of his own and room for them, rather than renting a room from a friend. They don't feel comfortable going there.
Not to mention he has not taken one thing out of this house, his closet and dresser are still quite full. I don't know what it will take to help him realize how much harder that it on everyone, specifically the kids.
I encouraged a 2nd visit for Thursday as the boys don't have work that night. We are switching weekends this coming weekend for my bday so it is the least I can do. I really want to encourage that relationship with their father.
The upkeep of the house is starting to wear on me, between the inside small fixes and the outside lawn work/clean up. Sometimes it is too much. The boys help to a degree but much of it is falling on me, due to their school and work schedules. I will spend tonight working on that while they are out with their father. Just waiting for something under 90 degrees.
Have an appt with my primary tomorrow and IC next Monday, just routine to keep myself in check. Hitting a yoga class on Wednesday and planning a nice long bike trip for Saturday with S15. Taking the canal path from our area, into NJ and back again. It is about 20 miles each way, so we will make a day of it. Have some lunch before our return. I am really looking forward to it.
I'm so glad about the bike ride... (Funny story to follow.). When I was at the height of my anxiety, Fergie and I were doing something "above and beyond" in physical fitness... A long bike ride, a long and steep hike, etc... It helps. And, I should have done more ...
Stress affects your body in a lot of ways... Anxiety, a rash, TMJ, heart beat irregularities, to name a few...
Ive thought and thought as to providing advice. The exercise is my best advice. Because, as an old poster used to say... Sometimes you just have to buckle in, and embrace the (temporary) suck.
You will settle in to getting the chores done w/just you and the boys. Your (finances) will settle in after the temporary financial hearing. The boys time with dad will settle in over time...
But, right now? Yep, it's gonna suck some days!
Be strong in your choices. Be strong in your abilities. Be strong in your capabilities.
One day, you'll look over at STBX, and breathe a sigh of relief. Because he's just reminded you of one of the "things" he does that don't have to affect you anymore!
LoL. (there's your laugh)
Funny story. When I first got my road bike Ferg took me on a "long" ride... It was out in the country over, what felt like, mountains. Well, I made it there, (~20 miles) but... Once we stopped to rest, I realized I'd never be able to gettin stiff body back on the bike... So, I asked them if they'd drive us back, and drank wine instead.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Haha Vera that is so funny And thank you, I am excited for it!
Val, I think you are right. I have recently started to notice the same and in fact it just happened to me this morning. I just have to hold on during those tough moments and trust that something else is coming along.
Mindfull I am laughing so hard at that story, so cute!! And yes I trust that one day I will be able to feel relief when certain actions don't affect me any longer.
So as I was planning for the upcoming weekend, I had a nice bonus thrown in. Both of my brothers will be coming here on Saturday (after the bike ride). Since we are all going to the Phillies game together on Sunday, they will stay with me Saturday to break up their drive. We plan to BBQ with the boys and just have a good night. I am so looking forward to it!!
S15 and I tackled the lawn yesterday and after 2 solid hours I have to say it looks darn good. I managed to work off some stress at the same time which was a bonus.
When STBX arrived to pick them up last night he seemed very cold and distant, and did mention the lawn looking good. It occurred to me later that he may have realized that we can get some things done that he thought only he could do. It may be mind reading but it made sense.
After not seeing them for a week and a half, I was surprised to see them back so quickly. He only kept them for 2 1/2 hours for a dinner. I texted him to see if he was still planning to take them on Thursday (additional day since he is giving up this weekend) and he said that he plans to take them fishing. Hopefully they will get some good time in with him then. I think the boys need to see their dad more than even they realize.
It's amazing how different and light I feel today when yesterday seemed so tough. If I can just remember this on the next tough day, I may be ok
Last night I saw STBX at baseball. He still lines his chair up with my friends and I which I find interesting. Once S18 arrived he went to sit with him on the bleachers. We were polite which is good for the kids.
When I got home, it was close to 10pm and I got a text from him asking about S18 graduation party. He apparently had a talk with him about having it at our home. He wanted to know what I thought. We had already had this discussion so I found it frustrating that he was discussing it with S18
I reminded him that it would be more comfortable for everyone if we have it at a restaurant, a neutral place. I said that it was my hope to help the kids with this transition and I knew that he would do the same. He said "ok"
This morning he texted to ask if I would send something with the kids when they go to see him tonight. I agreed but it just confirmed something that I was already thinking. He still has everything here. He only took half his clothes and nothing else. He tells my neighbor that this divorce is not happening and he will be moving home, yet continues to party and carry on in the meantime (no work toward what he is saying at all).
I have decided that I will get some boxes and begin with my bedroom and box up his things to make the room my own. I know that I will feel/sleep better. The fact that his back up tapes for work were still here tells me that WAY too much is still here.
He just emailed me at work, joking around, nothing to respond to. I deleted it.
I have a wonderful weekend ahead and will keep my focus on that, and on me & the boys.