GWN, I agree w/Kaffe. This is not something I would share w/your h. Maybe down the road when the dust settles, but now is not the time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm looking for feedback on contacting H to set up a day of fishing.
Last time I saw H, the last thing we said to each other was about fishing. As he was saying "let me know when you want to get your butt kicked", I was saying "let me know when you want to take me out fishing." He'd said previously on the phone that "I'd take you fishing if I thought you would go", and said in an email that we need to come up with some dates for fishing. He clearly wants to go fishing with me.
I was always the organizer in our marriage (for us; he could organize the crap out of things to do with his buddies), but he didn't have a problem with that. It was actually one of the ways through which he pushed me away/utilized his walls, so I am a little bit reluctant to propose dates.
However, given the magnitude of what I suspect he's dealing with (repressed childhood sexual abuse - our history and things he said in our last conversation triggered and fit in every way with the research I've done since then), waiting for him to propose dates is *expecting* too much.
It's been almost four weeks, and bass season opens this weekend.
I'm thinking of sending a quick email to say "Good luck with the bass opener this weekend! Friend doesn't have a chance! If you get a pike I'd love to smoke it.
Let me know if June 30 or July 1 or 2 work for you to take me out. I could really use a day on the water. If those dates don't work, I'm free again after July 16 if you want to propose a couple of dates.
If you ever want to come for a swim let me know."
I'd really like your feedback about this before sending it. The swimming part might be too much...maybe something to say after fishing, if he bites.
Thanks!
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
Call me old school, but I would only send him best wishes for the opener. Open the door, but don't completely walk through it. Let's see if he responds, then if he does, and wants to know you coming along, then give him some dates. You don't want to "overload" his brain w/too much info. In other words, drop the bread crumbs, not the entire slice.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree with Snodderly. You don't want to be the organizer in your M again.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
"Good luck with the bass opener this weekend! Friend doesn't have a chance! If you get a pike I'd love to smoke it.
Let me know if June 30 or July 1 or 2 work for you to take me out. I could really use a day on the water. If those dates don't work, I'm free again after July 16 if you want to propose a couple of dates.
If you ever want to come for a swim let me know."
Familiar with KISS?
Quote:
"Good luck with the bass opener this weekend! Friend doesn't have a chance! If you get a pike I'd love to smoke it.
That's about right...if he responds? Then ask him about going fishing with him, but don't ummm go all personal assistant on him with the huge ammount of dates...play casual.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
After thinking it through I did send largely what I had written previously, but toned it down you might say. To only wish him luck this weekend would have been a bit odd because it's not an organized competition...just a friendly one between him and whoever is on the boat with him. In past years it was my friends and family.
Best part is he responded immediately and favourably on all fronts.
He wants to "shoot for July 1". I agreed to that date, but am leaving the rest to him...what time, where, etc.
I'm leaving it to him to contact me closer to next weekend.
He also asked how I've been and how my visit with my parents was. I said it's been good and that i'm really enjoying time with my mother but that my father went home early. If he asks about that I'll just say they'd been away for almost three months and he was ready to go home but Mom wanted to stay. No need for ugly details. The pike is mine if he gets one this weekend.
BOAT RULES: no talk about us no questions about him fish my butt off have fun and relax use words of affirmation follow his lead
anything i'm missing?
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
