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She may be depressed but there is nothing you can do about that.

Let it go, she gets to make those choices and you pointing out that you see there is something "wrong" with her will only make her angry.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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You know, I know there is nothing I can do to make her feel one way or another! But to be the the scapegoat, the one that she can push all the blame on makes me very resentful. I know i am not perfect. I have admitted my shortcomings. And I have worked hard to fix these. But she ran away without even a chance.
If this is the way it ends, there is a wound that will never heal! And as much a I love her, If things don't work, I cannot forgive her for what she stole from me.

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You can only be the scapegoat if you agree with her.

You have a lot of anger. What are you really angry about?

A marriage breakup is never all one person't fault. Accept what is yours and move on.

What would heal your wound? Really think on that.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 133
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I'm angry that she lied to me. That over 2 years is now gone and nothing can bring that back. We had talked about how "are clocks are ticking" and that we shouldn't BS each other about our wants and needs and expectations. And now, after two years, all the things I ever dreamed of are gone and might never have them unless a miracle happens.

I know it is my choice and my decision, but my dreams of having a family and children of my own are gone. There truly is nothing that would heal this wound. And I feel the only way for it to scar over is for her to come back and realize her role in what happened.

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It's frustrating for me to comment on your sitch because I feel like you're so angry and hurt you're not really going to hear anything...if that makes sense.

Love true love forgives and accepts and supports even when the person isn't doing what you want them to do.

You can't change how she feels, what she thinks or what she wants to do. It's a very very very hard thing to accept. The only thing you can change is how you feel about the sitch. Being angry isn't going to mend any fences. It's fine to see that there are things in the M that didn't work but it sounds like you're giving her all the blame and taking no responsibility. And on top of that you want her to take away all your hurt by apologizing to you and working to get your forgiveness.

What are you doing to work through your anger, bitterness, and resentment?

What are you doing to GAL?

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You feel what you do because of the thoughts that you think. You can change your thoughts and thus how you feel. It depends on whether you want to be bitter and angry for the rest of your life. You have more control over that than you think.

You never had any guarantees in the first place.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
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Quote:
I know it is my choice and my decision, but my dreams of having a family and children of my own are gone.

Why? How old are you?

Quote:
There truly is nothing that would heal this wound. And I feel the only way for it to scar over is for her to come back and realize her role in what happened.


So you're turning your life over to her?

She is in charge of the rest of it whether you are married or not?

You are playing the victim and turning your life over to someone else only allows that to continue. You aren't responsible for anything because everything is her fault.

Is that how you want to live?


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 133
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your comments do make perfect sense! I have taken blame for the things I have done. What I am having a very hard time getting over is how she changed from the beginning to now. How can you tell someone everything you want, which was the same as me, to now not wanting any of that???
You can't help who you fall in love with! And I will always feel that way about her. But if she was honest with me in the beginning, we would never have gotten to this point. And the worst part of this she let me into her D's life like a father and took it away as if it meant nothing.

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We are both 34. When we married, I committed my everything to her. For me to move on, find another, and have a family, there would always be a lie there. To me, to tell someone else they are the most important thing in your life, that you want to have their children, is one of the most special gifts you can give another. How is it fair to tell someone else that when there is a piece of you that would give anything to have it with someone else?
I could never do that to someone else!

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bug is right 1702, you are choosing to be the victim. The sooner you drop that, the sooner you'll start to make progress.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
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