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No!!!!! Is that a person on this forum?

Our nearest neighbors are sheep and cows with all their owners appearing to be happily married! Lol!

None of our neighbors know we are separated.


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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labug Offline OP
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No, she has a wildly successful blog about her "pioneer" life on a big cattle ranch.

She does have some great recipes.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Oh, I might have read about her. Thanks.


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,352
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Good morning Bug,

Thank you for the introduction to Keb Mo. I am rally enjoying his music.

Listening to the song Inside Out right now.

Loved the Root Beer Float story. What a beautiful idea. Glad you had a good visit w/ MIL.

Hope you have a great day.


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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Thank you so much for that quote. It is true. A few years ago I never would have believed I'd be where I'm at in my career. 10 years ago I never would have believed I'd be living where I am. So yes I'm always surprised and I have to no reason to believe it won't be a great exp.

Very wise words. Thank you I always learn from you!

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labug Offline OP
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Hi grace, yes keb mo is great and he seems to have the life thing down. He does a lot of good work.

Brit, glad to help. It's great when we can all learn from one another.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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labug Offline OP
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Had my IC appt yesterday and it was probably one of the best sessions we've every had. And when I walked in I was sure I had nothing to talk about.

In fact when I sat down, I said to her: I got nothin'

She just looked at me as she does and waited. I pleaded: Please, give me a topic.

"Let's just see what comes up."

So, I started talking about S19 and how difficult it is to live with someone with a chronic illness that affects their thought process and motivation. She and I had come up with a plan to provide structure for him and it's been working but in such small increments it's barely noticeable. Baby steps, baby steps.

But I want it NOW! She encouraged me to step back and look at the big picture and stop focusing on the minute to minute. Things are changing, just not on my timeline. She pointed out that I should not even really have a timeline. (Does any of this sound familiar)

She's also very good at pointing out what I've done right, which is something I have trouble with. I see it as I've been providing this structure for 2 weeks, things aren't perfect, therefore I failed.

She reframes that as: He's moving in a positive direction, albeit slowly, and making changes because of the structure you provide.

I also have to again think about what it means to love someone unconditionally, just as they are. Even tho we've been dealing with this since he was about 14, I don't think I've ever truly mourned the loss of that fantasy "perfect" child. And maybe it just comes in stages like all grief and mourning.

But me, I want serenity, NOW!

I also shared a triumph over my control and anxiety. The sons and I were going to see The Avengers. I wanted to go to the early show, 11:10. I was up at 0500 as usual and ready to go at 0930. They take a more leisurely approach. I had said I wanted to leave at 1030 and as the clock is ticking past 1015, my anxiety was kicking in. I wanted to switch into Commandant mode and start giving orders.

So I really delved into that and asked myself: So what if you're late? What does that mean?

We'll have to hurry to get there-No, if you're already late, why hurry?

We'll miss the beginning of the movie-It's The Avengers, we could walk in in the middle and know exactly what was going on: good guys/girls fight evil with lots of noise and special effects. The good side wins. (oops, spoiler)

We'll have to walk into the dark theatre, it'll hard to find a seat and you have to walk in front of people to get to your seat. I hate walking in places late and feel that everyone is looking at me.-It's the 11:10 show in the middle of the week, chances are it won't be packed.

So, I took a deep breath and relaxed, turned off the angry, anxiety filled crazy mom and guess what? We left the house at 1035, got to the theatre in plenty of time, found a great seat and enjoyed the show.

I had avoided another opportunity to ruin a perfectly fine day. I've ruined many good days in the past by being controlled by my anxieties and attempting to keep my false self intact.

It is so good to let that go.

It's work but it is so worth it.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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La Bug, sounds like you did have a great session. I can totally relate to the wanting things to happen NOW!

I think your movie scenario has played out in my head every time H and I have gone to the movies. LOL I'm learning to not let my anxieties control me. Thank you for the reminder.

You're doing so great!


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
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labug Offline OP
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Ahhhhh Ro, as you know, it comes in fits and starts.

Baby steps, baby steps. We have to learn to be OK with that.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,352
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I saw some Keb Mo lyrics you posted on another thread. Wondering if he is a DBer in heart? He sure seems to get it. smile


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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