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So I am contemplating tomorrow when H has to pay his rent on the third month of his 3-month lease. I'm assuming he is either going to give notice he is moving out (back home?) or going month-to-month. I can't read his feelings at all.

I'm trying to prepare myself for either scenario. If he is going to move back home, I don't want to act too excited, because I know there are a lot of things to work out. It will give me a great chance to DB with him in the house. I didn't get DR until a couple of weeks before he moved out and, truthfully, I didn't "get it" at the time.

If he goes going month-to-month on his lease, I don't want to cry out of disappointment. I want to receive it as a "gift" of time. There's so much I can work on in myself, with my kids, and with our home and property.

And...in the case of "other" -- a decision I didn't anticipate, I need to just hold it together until he leaves for the evening. Just look at him and try to understand he is asking for space. Try to appreciate if it was me asking for it from him, I would want him to give it to me.

So I was low key today. Preparing mentally for tomorrow.

My boys and I sat out on our fence today just listening. We live pretty far out in the country. We used to do that sometimes when H was here. Just be quiet for a few minutes and than talk about the things we heard. It's quite therapeutic.

There was a big oil rig that was erected directly next to our property, near our house, about the same time H was about to move out. It's been noisy 24/7 since then. I have actually been grateful H hasn't had to live with that. The timing was good.

They took the rig down two days ago, hence we were listening to the quiet. Both S12 and S18 said they didn't appreciate the quiet and the privacy till it was gone. I feel like that about H. I think I haven't fully appreciated what he was to me till he was gone.

I want him back SO much! But more importantly, I need to be whole and healthy.

Of course there is always the possibility he won't tell me his decision. Lol.
We haven't done it that way up to this point. I will have to wait and see.


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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Personally, I would stop having sex with him completely. Also, I think if you can't prove he's having an affair I bet there is someone he is "talking" to or interested in. That is why he needs his space or is saying "it's not enough time."

If he wants to come home he should work for it. You work on yourself. Start living your life.

Luv


M44 H41
M20 T23
3 older teens
Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy"
EA Nov 09 w/coworker
Another PA in Mar 10
I Filed Apr 10
D final Dec 10
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Thanks, ll.

What do you mean by if he wants to come home he should have to work for it?

I thought we were supposed to make coming home as easy as possible.


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
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H called me and said he is extending his lease another month. Nothing has changed with his feelings.

I read some advice from the other sitch's and think I've been too easy. He hasn't missed me too much, I give him food from our house, ask him to come fix things, etc.

I haven't really demonstrated I can live without him.

I did ask him about MC as we had discussed it before he moved out and both had said this would be about the right time to do it. He said he would think about it.

We are going to have a casual date tomorrow night. Instead of being sad he isn't coming home in a month (we both agree it would be very bad if he wasn't ready) I want to look at it as an opportunity.

He said he can't ever see coming back to ths house and situation but he isn't willing to give it up. He's on the fence but the draw of the party life is strong. I still don't believe he has an A.

He said he loved me. He still isn't in love with me but enjoys being with me.

What do I do? Just the 37 rules? Smell good, look nice? What else?


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
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I copied advices from this forum on different sitch's that I felt were similar to my own. I put them together in a document on my iPad and read and reread them tonight.

And I feel a lot of strength building up inside me!

I can see the wimpy "poor me" attitude I've had over these past few months.

Only one day I remember having that cocky, I'm attractive and a go-getter attitude. About a month and a half ago H wanted me to have the oil changed in the car, something he always did. I didn't want to, but did it anyway and had a great attitude about it!

But much of the time it's been a tired, just-holding-it-together attitude. Also, a hoping-he-will-notice-my-changes attitude. That is SO unattractive!

Thank you to everyone contributing solid advice and discussion in the many different threads. It's been a lifeline for me and I can see (finally) that I can be strong, confident, sexy, attractive and NOT needy or clingy!!!

And that's the kind of person I would always want to be, married or not!


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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Posts: 9,676
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I got most of my support from reading other threads and going into the archives. You have to separate the wheat from the chaff but you can find some good stuff.

I also have a DB Words of Wisdom file. It does help to read that in the low times.

I know you must be hurting with the news that H is staying with the single life for now.

Do you feel he's cake-eating?


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Like I'm making it too easy for him?

Yes, I suppose.

I got sidetracked a little bit from the Men are from mars.....synopsis I found. I feel like one of my angles has been to try to meet his needs.

I see that this is the wrong timing for that.

We talked about dating other people. He said he may ask for that soon (a month or two) hard to tell. I assured him we wouldn't ML once that happens. Not as a threat, just can't go there. Idk. Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up.

It's totally awkward emotionally do to that now but it's a primary love language for us both.

I've been anxious to touch him when we are together. Hold hands, etc. I think I really need to totally back off from that immediately. He takes me for granted -- I'm taking care of everything in this part of his life--he is just working, partying and paying the bills. He knows I'm trustworthy to take care of things here at home and with our boys like I've always done.

And I'm too available with these darn smartphones!

I'm not ready to go out partying myself, but there's plenty I can do.

I was just considering maybe taking the boys for an overnight camping trip next weekend when he has a treasured "wine share" party (which I despise). It would help me not to be home obsessing about what he is doing as well.

I'm finally feeling some spunk again!


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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cake-eating...having his cake and eating it too.

Sort of like this: He takes me for granted -- I'm taking care of everything in this part of his life--he is just working, partying and paying the bills. He knows I'm trustworthy to take care of things here at home and with our boys like I've always done.

and he can have sex with you.

He's living the rock-star lifestyle, he's getting his needs met. Are you?

Is this the life you want?

DR says with a separation use the LRT. GAL and focus on you. You are worth it. Your kids are worth it.

Good for you with the spunk!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
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smile


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
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Member
OP Offline
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
Started the day with a few tears. It's H's birthday and he is going to spend the day with us. He texted and is about to leave HP on his BMW motorcycle. I think these milestones are especially difficult.

I decorated the kitchen with balloons and streamers as is our custom. And I'm trying out my new cake decorating skills (from my class) for a pretty cake.

I went to HP last evening for a quiet date. He is still sick so we just did some shopping together and watched a movie on DVD and had pizza and beer. I had gone there with all intentions of just acting like a "friend" or "co-worker" etc. But he hugs me, cuddles with me, often reaches for my hand or leg, etc. So we cuddled like we always do. Is that okay if the WAS wants physical contact with you? and you are not initiating it?

On the way to HP I turned on the radio to an oldies station and they were playing "you've lost that lovin' feeling". Talk about begging, pleading etc. Lol!

Today, I want to be cheerful and upbeat. I want to show him how happy home can be. I just made a simple "have a great birthday! Love, Me" with an print of a lipstick kiss. Hope that's loving but low-key enough.


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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