it gets better. i get home and W starts txtin me. W- what time did the kids go to bed last night. i think they need naps. M- D 9 and S 11 W- why did you let him stay up so late? M- he wouldnt go to bed. you promised you would call him. he didnt want to be sleeping when you called. W-sorry i got busy at the store. the alarm i set on my phone i guess was for 8am not pm. M-dont have to apologize to me. we got to hang out. W-did u get him a water gun yet? M-no. gonnna tomorrow. W-when exactly were you going to tell me about tomorrow? what if i have plans..this is MY week. M-i was goin to get him a gun. never said with him. i know its your week and i respect that. i would have asked you if its ok and you know it. i dont deserve to be talked to like this. W-why didnt you take him to pick one out.
i didnt answer back. i have my reasons for not taking him. 1. he would want the biggest most spendy one.\ 2. i got him the best bang or "squirt" for the buck\ 3. kinda wanted to surprise him.
so i went to walmart. im lookin at some supplement shakes when W calls. it was S. he was balling. mom is yelling at me. she wont let me get a movie. she is being mean. i want you. i said S, settle down. i know this is tough, but its not okay to act like this. you know i dont reward bad behavior. your mom loves you and you need to respect her. same rules at my house, you have to follow there. i guess i was on speaker phone cuz W chimes in. when are you going to tell me these rules, huh? i said you already know them, they havent changed. W- this is so unfair that you sent them here tired on purpose. M- you know thats not true. S stayed up late waiting for you to call. you never did. i shoudlnt have let him, but it seemed real important to him. this isnt easy for him. W-im going to get him a councilor then. M-thats fine. maybe you should try talking to him first. W- i tried this week. he wont talk. you need to tell me whats going on. M-he is scared you will yell at him W- i would never do that. what are you saying to him about me? M-i told him you wouldnt. you are a good mom and you love him. listen, im in the middle of the store right now. i dont want to talk about this now. i will call you later. goodbye.
whhooo..ok so i havent called yet. im done working out. supper is almost done. im gonna eat and maybe go to the store. maybe i will drop off the gun and his skates tonight and talk for a minute. or just drop off the stuff. idk.
When you have boundaries, you learn that it doesn't matter if they get her mad or not. They are for you. You lay down what you will or will not tolerate. When she crosses that, then you move ahead with whatever you need to.
What you went through isn't a boundary. She texted you, you were busy. End of story. It doesn't matter if she was angry about it. You shouldn't care.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
actually i think this whole day is pretty funny. in a wierd sadistic way. her yelling at the kids after less than an hour. her crazy phone calls. all of it. she always said i was the "yeller". i know its not true. now maybe she can see it. i had nothing to do with today. that was all her.
as far as caring. i really think i dont care. i would love to have conversations with her. just not like this. not with who she is at the moment. i miss my W being who she used to be. i know i am not getting that back. i am still hoping for a new updated version. lol..
Do you want her to call you all the time about little stuff or would you rather when it's her time with the kids that she only contact you with emergencies.?
There are lots of books on boundaries and you can google things.
You might like the Cloud and Townsend book Boundaries.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
