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#2248580 05/25/12 11:31 PM
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ok.. i guess 3rd time is the charm. i am sick of this back and forth crap i have been doing. today was very rough. i cried very hard for what is gone. i am ready to move on. what lies ahead, i dont know. i decide my future. thank you to the people who have helped me get to this place. i really value your feedback. especially the 2x4's. those help me the most. acceptance of what is, is key. i am starting down that road. while i am sure it is going to be very rough, i am not afraid.

1st thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2239038#Post2239038

2nd thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2243818#Post2243818

3rd thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2246758&page=1


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 149
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So now what?


Me: 37 W:33
S: 2
M: 9/5/09
Suspected: 1/7/12
Confirmed: 2/10/12
Served: 3/29/12
W moved out 3/30/12
First court 5/17/12
HELP!
Joined: Nov 2011
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I like the title of this thread!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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bug-

thank jack. he made alot of sense to me. i have pursued to much. i have pleaded to much. W doesnt want anything to do with me. i understand. i accept it. i will not give up. this is where i prove what i am made of.

i need to stay the course. i have proved that DR techniques work. i proved it by not following them. guess its never to late. i will pick myself up. keep moving forward. i know where i stand. that gives me a little calm.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Yes, he does.

And yes, the road ahead is full of bumps.

But after a while you learn how to swerve and miss a few.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
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And don't beat yourself up if you find yourself crying again! I think I've had a few "okay I'm totally done crying over this" and then it happens again

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i am done beating myself up. feeling inadequate. all that. im sure i will have my days. but i will recognize it and pick myself up.

i do want to apologize to my W. not to try to get her back. just to maake amends. i realize how much i let her down over the years. she gave me signs. i chose to ignore them in hopes they would go away. i thought they did. no wonder she is a WAW. its amazing she stuck around this long. i am saying what she is doing is ok, i just get where she is coming from.

she wont talk to me. doesnt want anything to do with me. so i cant apologize in person. i could write her a letter, but thats just words. im trying to figure out how to show her. the small bits of time i see her to pick up the kids are going to have to be good enough. i have forgiven her. i am working on forgiving myself. i dont know if i ever totally will. i have accepted why she left me. im not mad at her anymore. in fact i dont know that i ever was. i think i was really mad at myself.

i let my family down. i ignored them. i was not emotionally there for them. i couldnt be. my addiction prevented that. only thing i can do is work my program and be the best father and husband i can be. this is my defining moment and i am going to define it. i had a long talk with god last night. i told him how much i needed his help and how willing i was to do what he asked of me. i prayed for my kids and W. i prayed for them to be happy. i prayed for my W to find peace. i asked for his help in becoming the best man i could be. i cant do it alone.

i still have hope for me and my W. no one will ever take that away from me. i will not give up. i am going to stop doing things my way. they dont work. i have been a great example of what not to do. i am still very sad, but it will pass. it has to.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,352
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Hi Dakota,

This is a difficult part of the process, when we see our role in the M. It is necessary though in order for us to change and grow. We all go through it, we all see things we wish we had done differently. M is one of the most difficult things we do in our lives. We all make mistakes, lose ourselves, act selfishly, distance ourselves, etc... because the intimacy of M uncovers all of our stuff, the wounds and insecurities we can hide from almost everyone else.

The choice is what you do now..today...to grow and become the man you want to be. You seem to be opening up... uncovering... and that is he first step to change.

((( )))


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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grace-

i agree. marriage is the hardest thing ever. i cant hide my flaws from my W. by trying to do that i made things worse. no more hiding. that is lying. i am going to stand for my marriage with COURAGE. i will not back down. it is what is important to me. i know where i stand. finally.

this is a process. a very tough one. one i wish i wasnt in. i am here though. i am kind of glad too. if that makes any kind of sense. its going to be tough. i am strong. i have doubted that for a long time. tried the "easy" road. that only leadss to heartache. and heartbreak.

i see my path. be who i am. stand for my marriage. stop running. maybe i will be with my W again. maybe not. that would be a benefit, but the main thing is to be me. i am going to set up my dominoes. if i do things right, they will never fall.

thank you for the hug. even cyber ones feel good. =)


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
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OP Offline
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
so today has been a little wierd. went to a meeting and my topic to discuss was being thankful. it was good for me. my life svcks right now. so it was kind of hard to start. once i got going it was good.
i am thankful
-i am in touch with god
-he is helping me, when i cant help myself
-my son, he is so strong through all of this. i am proud
-my daughter, the thought of her smile makes me smile
-i still have my job
-i am sober
-i am working my program
-my W is providing an excellent home for my kids
-i am not divorced yet
-i am getting in touch with myself
-i dont cry all day every day
-i am getting in shape, looking good
-my dog still loves me..lol

those are what i came up with. puts things into a little perspective for me. things are not good, but i guess they could be alot worse. i teared up a few times today. didnt cry though. that seems like progress. watched some stupid movies. laughed a bit.

tomorrow i pick up my kids for a couple of days. i cant wait. i really miss them. S's phone was off so i had to call W's to talk to him. she talked to me for about 2 mins. i was polite and upbeat. i actually ended the call first. that is something right there. it was polite and she didnt hang up on me. not saying its progress, but i am kind of happy about it.

i really think i have made my decision. i feel alot more at peace. i know i am willing to do whatever it takes to R. i am working on myself and worrying about that now. thats all i can control. i have let go of my W. that feels good. i know i will have the patience to see this through, no matter the outcome. i believe i truly forgive my W. i put myself in her shoes and i didnt like the fit. i see myself through her eyes and know what i need to do.

i understand how she can do things and feel things the way she does. i do not blame her. i dont agree, and thats okay. because i dont agree, doesnt make her feelings any less valid. they are hers to control as mine are mine.

i know that i will have my bad days. i cant let them get me so down and go into a tailspin. i will pick myself up, wipe the blood of my face and continue the fight. it took alot of tough questions and honest introspection to finally figure out where i stand. people dont agree and thats fine. this is my life to live, and thats what i am going to do.

consistency is key. thank you jack.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

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