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#2247417 - 05/22/12 04:17 PM Re: I haven't got time for the pain [Re: TSquared2]
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 11333
Heh, well you do have to let it ferment.

Mine is running at about 12% alcohol right now; almost time to bottle it...then invade Canada! : )
_________________________

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet


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#2247523 - 05/22/12 09:18 PM Re: I haven't got time for the pain [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
tested metal Offline
Member

Registered: 07/23/11
Posts: 330
Loc: ND
Got done with Mediation today. STBXW started up with sister's miscarriage when we got to the part where we were deciding about how to schedule D1s birthdays. I wanted to split it half and half every year and she wants the whole day every other year. She apparently had big plans to bring D1 to her parents home for her birthday this year because her sister would be coming home, but now those plans might change.

Mediation went well. I am not really happy with having to pay child support being that STBXW had a 2nd job and was making more than me, but then quit the job AFTER she filed. I am going to consult my L about that. The good news it is only $148 a month. The bad news is that money is really tight for a while due to my student loans that if I don't get into the student loan forgiveness program that I applied for this year, I will be a very tired person as I am going to have to pick up even more hours to make ends meet.

Other good news is that we are keeping our own debt, of which I have none, except for the student loans. Even the past creditor debt for D1's hospitals bills will be gone by next month!

I hate to nitpick over money, but when you don't have any and you are trying to keep your head above water with debt; are living off of mac and cheese and ramen (except for nutritious things for D1 of course) money begins to be a big deal.

At least I have good friends, a roof over my head, a job, and a Daughter who loves me.
_________________________
M:35
W:33
M: 5 yrs.
Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12

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#2247536 - 05/22/12 10:03 PM Re: I haven't got time for the pain [Re: tested metal]
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 11333
Have you looked into food stamps Tested? Pride is cool, but doesn't keep your belly full, or your daughters. Speaking as someone who was on it? It is there for a reason.
_________________________

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet


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#2247727 - 05/23/12 01:33 PM Re: I haven't got time for the pain [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
tested metal Offline
Member

Registered: 07/23/11
Posts: 330
Loc: ND
Jack,

I make $40k gross a year. I make way to much for food stamps. The problem is my student loans. I pay 1K a month on them and that is the minimum payment. I am currently applying for a federal loan forgiveness through work, but don't know if I will be accepted until Sept. If that goes through (fingers crossed) I will be doing pretty good.

Adding the student loans with rent, and daycare, almost wipes out any money for other things needed, such as food, gas, etc.

I work 2 jobs already and about 60 hrs a week, so I am doing what I can.

I guess it just burns me that STBXW can quit her good paying job right after filing, uses community resources now because she is just under the income level, and then has me pay child support, when we have 50/50 custody and she was making as much as I was when she was working her job. She hardly has any debt comparably and she pretty much got all our possessions, while I had to scratch and claw just to get needed furniture and dishware, which can also be expensive.

Sorry just venting. I tried the meditation/ visualization of cutting the cord with STBXW and after I cut the cord all I got from her is her walking off and not looking back.

I need to go dark even more and detach. I am trying but it is hard to with D1 involved.
_________________________
M:35
W:33
M: 5 yrs.
Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12

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#2247802 - 05/23/12 04:59 PM Re: I haven't got time for the pain [Re: tested metal]
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 11333
Tested,

It's ok to vent man. I wasn't aware of your situation fully...money wise.

And it isn't fair, like you I had two jobs and the lion's share of the bills.

As for the vizualization excercise? That in no way represents what will happen. It was supposed to be for you not being co-dependant with her.

I tried the vizualization...but I relaized that I had no such cord attached to my wife. : ) We are together by choice. Plus and more importantly, belly buttons freak me out.

It is impossible to go dark when kids are involved.
Dim? Talks about just bills and your daughter's well being? Not impossible.

Vent here, I have thicker skin than you can imagine, there is nothing you can say that will upset me, long term. : )
_________________________

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet


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#2247892 - 05/23/12 08:45 PM Re: I haven't got time for the pain [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
tested metal Offline
Member

Registered: 07/23/11
Posts: 330
Loc: ND
STBXW must be really rarin' for the D, as she is already talking about when I am to pay her for child support and asking for head of household status for tax reasons so she can get an earned income tax credit.

I told her that the child support matters will be determined when the papers are actually written and signed and not before. As for the head of household status, I told her that I think it should go with who is claiming D1 that year as we are alternating.

I am sure I am getting dirty looks from across the city as she reads the e-mail. She sure scowled when I got her child support request reduced because of her income earning ability and quitting her job after filing and prior to the D.

I am feeling a lttle better right now. I just realized that some of the reason that I am so angry is that I feel a lot of loss; loss of m spouse; loss of time with D1; loss of things that used to be; loss of the "ideal" marriage I thought we had; loss of personal posessions that I gave up to be with STBXW and now loss of possessions that replaced the old personal posessions; which in a sense I get a feeling of a loss of self.

I know that I am a good human being and know what I want in life. I know that posessions and title's don't define who I am or make me worthless. But it hurts to lose them.

Maybe it is just grieving the past.

I need to get through this in the present thought to pave the way for the future. MY future and my D1's future.
_________________________
M:35
W:33
M: 5 yrs.
Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12

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#2247901 - 05/23/12 09:14 PM Re: I haven't got time for the pain [Re: tested metal]
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 11333
Just in case, and I hope this helps you otherwise ignore it : )

[quote = from someplace else]
Internal Revenue Service Publication 501 provides a worksheet on page seven to determine if you paid half the cost of the household's upkeep. In completing the worksheet, it asks you to complete the amounts that you paid and compare that to amounts that you provided for these expenses.

In my opinion, if you earn money from sources other than child support you would count this towards the household expense test. For example, in completing the worksheet, if your total household expenses were $10,000 and you have income from sources other than child support of at least $5,001, then you would be considered as providing more than half of the costs of maintaining the home, which qualifies you to file as head of household.
[/quote]
_________________________

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet


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#2247930 - 05/23/12 10:49 PM Re: I haven't got time for the pain [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
AJM Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 3014
Jack always makes me laugh. The belly button thing made me laugh. And then stop. Damn it Jack.. smile

TM, the money issues? Keep working at the options. You can't change what is but you can work towards getting yourself financially right. Believe me, it goes by faster than you think and it has a way of coming together. It [censored] getting there, but once there it isn't so bad.

My friend once mentioned to me about the finances what she thought. She went bankrupt during her divorce. She had to give him lots of money. He married his OW minutes after the divorce was final. It was ugly smile But she mentioned to me to keep the house even if I had to financially get porked. She was right. She mentioned to work the finances out because it wasn't forever. It was just right now (then). She was right.

It'll pass, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. It may suck, but long term you'll be glad you worked out the finances. And just when you think you have nowhere else to turn, you'll realize money isn't very important and a new option will present itself.

Hang in there.

AJ
_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

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#2248419 - 05/25/12 02:09 PM Re: I haven't got time for the pain [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
Cadet Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/09
Posts: 5187
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Have some CAKE!
_________________________
Me-60, D27,S26

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#2248454 - 05/25/12 04:04 PM Re: I haven't got time for the pain [Re: Cadet]
tested metal Offline
Member

Registered: 07/23/11
Posts: 330
Loc: ND
Thank you for the birthday wishes. I plan to go to Paridiso for my free lunch and try to hit up the free specials in town tonight. I'll get to eat for free today and get out for a little bit. I will also be sure to have some cake! smile
_________________________
M:35
W:33
M: 5 yrs.
Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12

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