Bklyn I just caught up on your new thread over here. I am so sorry to read about the hard time you are having being apart from your girls but glad to see you are feeling okay tonight. I think it is great to focus on being grateful for all that we do have so we do not lose sight of that by focusing on what we think we lack.
Was just invited to a end of the year performance at D3 school. Persumably my H and I would be in attendance. Just the thought of this makes me uncomfortable since I have not told many of the school parents about my sitch.
Also the neighborhood block party is in a couple weeks and that feels like another public event that I need to come out of the closet for. I have so much anxiety around this. Lucky I have over 2 weeks to make a plan so I can handle the circumstances.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I understand feeling anxious over the year performance and the block party, but you know what? You do not have anything to fear or be ashamed of. Be yourself! Hold your head up and be the person that you've always been. You aren't the one that is acting out...you only have control over you and what you say or do...go and have fun!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks snodderly and wh for your thoughts but honestly they are a little too vague for me. I really dont know how to know who I need to tell and who I dont need to tell. I am confused.
But what do I say to people? Especially at the school where people think I am still couple with my H, if I dont tell them before hand that we are not together and they treat us like we are together at the event he will get angry at me.
I feel so ashamed that daughter doesnt have a home with a mother and a father, so ashamed.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Is your H going to go? It was hard for me to tell people at first hut it actually helps me detach. You don't have to tell them unless they ask Or unless they are close friends. And why will your H be angry? My H acts like nothing is even wrong when we are around others.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
It is up to you as to who should be told. I wouldn't go out of my way to tell anyone about the situation, unless they ask or suggest doing something after the two meet ups.
If someone should ask or suggest doing something together, just say "we are separated" and leave it alone. This is between you, your h and the man up above. No one needs to know your business.
As for your h, he shouldn't be getting angry...he put you in this situation and really, he should be the one telling people that you are separated, just my two cents.
Listen, you should not feel ashamed that your child does have both parents in the home. You have done everything you can to give her a stable and loving environment. Believe it or not, people in today's society don't pay much attention to the two parent home any longer. The word divorce isn't something that is whispered in the corner any longer. Society has changed drastically since the 70's and people aren't sticklers like they use to be about such things.
What you need to worry about and should focus on is your daughter and making sure her special day is important. You should also turn the foucs back on to you as well. You have to be the strong one that will be there for your little girl. Don't rely on your h for much because he's gone to the moon and then some.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Listen, you should not feel ashamed that your child does not have both parents in the home. You have done everything you can to give her a stable and loving environment. Believe it or not, people in today's society don't pay much attention to the two parent home any longer. The word divorce isn't something that is whispered in the corner any longer. Society has changed drastically since the 70's and people aren't sticklers like they use to be about such things.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
WH - My h would like me to get with the program and tell everyone or better yet just announce on facebook that "H & I did not work out. We tried but it was not meant to be. We are friends now and going to happily co-parent our kids" (or something to that effect) He would prefer if I told people since in our marriage I was the person that communicated with friends and relatives so now in our D I should continue that role and explain how happy we are to be splitting up. If I do take this role of the great communicator on then I am seen as trying to stop him or that I dont accept reality.
Snodderly, I really needed to hear everything you said. I know that it is no ones business but I guess I think its a fine line between not talking about it and lying. I feel very uncomfortable when I think I am lying to people
I know divorce isnt taboo any more but I guess its more my pride that makes me so ashamed. Thank you so much for reminding me snodderly thats its all in my head.
Also I just always wanted something more for my kids then what I had. My parents are still together but we lived in a bad neighborhood growing up so I really worked hard to live in a nice neighborhood and I never expected that they would come from a D home. It makes me feel like I let down my kids for not giving them a true home with a mom and dad.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
