The WAW who stood still (can he catch up already?)

[Brit45]

thank you Zig...we posted at the same time and your words are so true! and constructive. yes looking at this as my time to learn and identify when to as you say "stay still"

[LIO]

Hi Brit,
I have been reading your sitch from the beginning, and please don't be too down on yourself. Like you said, 1 text and a 2 minute phone conversation aren't 'really' that big of a deal in the big picture. Little steps, one at a time, add up.

I have to thank you for posting too. I enjoy reading from your perspective as a WAW. It's so easy to be on one side of the equation, and not see the other side.

PS I can relate to this "mayor of crazytown moved right back in". I will use that line in my internal conversation when I sense the mayor is moving back over here.

and this

I now can see a pattern that when I get a good interaction, I'm at my most vulnerable in keeping the 180s and continuing to give him space. Usually it's small...ie he texts me and I have to take a deep breath and not make my response over the top or something like that.

I struggle with this too. One little positive email then opens the flood gates like it's giving me permission to continue, instead of just letting it be.

[vera be fierce]

As much as I like the response that non-pursuit gives me from H, I have to remember that I do it not just for the response and hopefully reconsideration it gets from him, but that foremost it's for ME: my protection, my stability, and giving me a tiny bit of control in the only thing I can control MY REACTIONS in this uncertain situation.

Yes yes yes. And I'm quoting this partly for myself because I am in a foul mood right now!

The easy route is to walk away again. To say a big F U to H, convince myself that I could meet someone better, make a list of everything that's wrong with him and use that every time I meet someone else...that would be easy. Being vulnerable, confronting why I get scared, learning to live with uncertainty in my life, being okay not being in control..these are all new concepts to me and I'm committed to becoming better in all these areas

Good for you. I am definitely feeling like the easy road is more appealing right now. You are in a good, self-aware space that is inspiring.

[needgrace]

hi brit,

it sounds like you learned a lot this weekend...and i think you learned it all so quickly!!

i know that i had to get hit with it over the head many, many times..

it was the most difficult thing for me... every positive interaction i had with my W made me more vulnerable and expect more.

be kind to yourself. you are amazing! ((( )))

[Brit45]

Grace - I did learn a lot this weekend I had a quick read over my thread and just Friday morning I was wrestling with my anger over his R with SS. Then the text on Friday night that I was uncomfortable with his "very busy weekend" Fast forward to slight excitement over his pursuit to see me Sat night and that interaction to the downhill of garage drama on Sunday.

Things that I am not going to do today:

-google Rebound Relationship - emotional stages and how long do they last (okay fine I did that already....it's certainly a rebound but he could choose to be unhappy in that R forever just like he did with me)

I will say when I saw him Saturday he was in old ripped jeans, he needs a haircut, he was dirty. I know he'd had car trouble and had been helping her move but I just thought wow, that honeymoon phase didn't last long..you're wearing THOSE jeans around her.

Also she's the one causing you to have a labor instensive weekend, where before I was the drama, I was the headache and she was fun.

When they met I knew she was needy, second date she's talking about travelling overseas together and he was like woah. She went on vacation abroad a week later and emailed him multiple times a day. She texted non stop. He was LOVING the attention. But at some point the man who wanted space, independence and to be his own person might push back against that. And someone THAT needy can't be TOO okay with a man who has a close R with his W that he separated from 4 months before you met. Oh yeah and you were the first girl he went on a date with.
/endrant

-not going to text him something funny about the dog (something I considered doing but did not)

I am going to try my best and hardest to come to terms with the fact that he is not tied to me in any way. We are both individual people with lives separate from each other.

It's odd to me that I think/obsess/worry about him more now that I probably ever did while we were together or even dating.

[Brit45]

I also wanted to share this quote I saw today:
The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. - Alan Watts.

I like this

[vera be fierce]

I am going to try my best and hardest to come to terms with the fact that he is not tied to me in any way. We are both individual people with lives separate from each other.

It's odd to me that I think/obsess/worry about him more now that I probably ever did while we were together or even dating.

Well, like they say, what you focus on expands That's why we need to focus on our GAL - to expand our own lives.

//needs to take own advice

[Brit45]

Vera it's so easy for us to point others in the right direction. hahaha I comment on people's posts with don't send that text, do this instead and then can't do it myself.

NC for over 24 hours. exciting. I've spent most of the day gardening it's been therapeutic.

I also went to a hardware store. (!!!!) and I'm going to unblock my own drain. (no that's not a euphemism.)

[vera be fierce]

I know. It's hard. I just found myself getting annoyed that I hadn't gotten an email from H yet this morning because I can't not respond to an email I haven't gotten

[labug]

We respond to things that we are dealing with ourselves and through that work out our own "stuff."