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bug-

i get so mixed up in my hurt and fear. then i say ^^^^ and do stupid things. i havent said anything to OM or OM's W. i am not planing on it. i really dont want to ruin his childrens lives. he is doin a good enough job of that. plus, i really dont believe he is leaving his W for mine. it's textbook stuff he is saying. if he goes, and my W goes for it, whatever. thats her choice. i wont want any part of that.

i want my W to come back for me. not as a last resort, but because she truly wants too. if i say stuff to him or his wife, i believe it will negatively affect me. i'm trying out this patience thing.

as far as insightful..lol.. yeah right. i figure out alot of stuff that makes sense to me. acting on it the right way is proving to be a struggle. i havent given up yet.

i miss my kids terribly. my son has been txting me pictures of the baseball cards he got with his allowance. its the only way he can show me right now. usually we would be sitting together looking at them, etc.. in a month we can. this is proving to be the hardest part when it comes to staying positive and in a good mood. i love my kids more than anything in the world, that is the reason i havent given up and will continue to work on being a great person. they deserve it.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

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IMHO I would tell his W. After he's done with your W he'll just move on to someone else. I would have wanted someone to tell me when my W was in her A.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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bond- that is where i struggle. my W is the 3rd at her work he has done this with. kind of a pattern. i dont want to push her away. she has said "its a game she is playing". dont know what to mke of that.

i would definitely liked to have known she was doing this, instead of having to play detective. but i did, and found out alot in the process. i cant think of a way to do it, in a way that doesnt backfire. i dont trust myself to confront him. i have a history of violent behavior and am afraid of how i will actually act in the situation. i also do not want my wife to feel i am controlling her by telling his W. the piece of garbage just had a baby born 1.5 months ago with his W. i feel really bad for her.

then there is the work thing. if his W flips out and causes problems, my W will lose her job. she is on thin ice. she would never forgive me for that.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
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Divorced: 12/12/12

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You telling his wife...

How is that going to work out? Think that your wife is going to wake up from it? She will NOT be grateful to you...and she will know or find out that it was you.


IF you do this, understand the shitstorm you called down.

Some ascribe to this, and others do not. Make your own choice in this, just do not think it will go over well.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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His W might already know, this may not be the first.

as far as insightful..lol.. yeah right. i figure out alot of stuff that makes sense to me. acting on it the right way is proving to be a struggle.

This made me laugh. It's good to keep a sense of humor about this.

Taking the time to act on this stuff is where growth occurs. Pay attention to your emotions but don't let them control you. Just knowing your emotions and feeling them is a huge step.

In the past I'm sure you numbed the uncomfortable ones with your drug of choice.

And it seems you've always acted first and regretted later.

Decisions made in the throes of emotion are usually not good ones.

He!!, in the midst of an emotional storm I told my H to move out if he wasn't happy.

How many times have I wanted a do-over on that one?

Take the time to make the decision that's right for you.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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"in a way that doesnt backfire"

Forget about the fear. You're not thinking about the welfare of your W, you're thinking about the welfare of his W and young family.

"if his W flips out and causes problems, my W will lose her job. she is on thin ice. she would never forgive me for that."

Again, who cares? She already doesn't "forgive" you for many things. And besides, SHE is the one at fault. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. Not you. Never be ashamed at doing the right thing.

When she throws it back at you, again that's when you hold up your hand and tell her that you didn't do it to get her back or to spite her. You did it because you were worried about his young family and your W doesn't mean anything to you. When she sees that you mean business and really have nothing to lose, she'll back off.

Think of the OM's young child that has a scumbag for a dad.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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ok..way to say alot of good stuff everyone. i do want to do what is right. im not sure what that is. i am thinking very hard on that. i feel bad for his family, but she might already know. the guy is a scumbag, and i dont say that to make myself feel better. he is.

i dont want to add more resentment to the pile. i am not afraid of my W. i want positive results. the only positive for me, would be knowing i helped someone. is it really help, though. i dont want to sink to his level. i dont want my W to think i engineered him out of her life. i have alot to think about. if i told her, what would be a positive. only thing i see, is that now she would know for sure.

bug- glad i could make you laugh. you have done that many times for me, when i really needed it.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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If he's done this that many times before (that you know of) my guess is, she knows.

And don't forget when people are backed into a corner, they can do some crazy, hurtful, dangerous things.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
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yeah..thats what scares me. thats why i am trying patience. i dont know what to do. i am all over the place. i think the biggest reason to do it for me, is to get back at him. that is selfish and not right. i am trying to be a better person. he is just lucky i am not still drinking. it is hard changing who i have been. but over the years i have come along way. i dont want to go back..


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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biggest reason to do it for me, is to get back at him. that is selfish and not right.

There ya go, toldya you were an insightful guy.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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