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Something to think about.

One day you say to...whomever: I'm going to stand, no matter what I'm going to see this through.

The next day you say to...whomever: I'm done! I am so over this, I deserve to be happy.

Now, we think our spouses are the crazy ones...but who looks or is acting crazy of the two?


We all did it, we all do it...

And in so saying...

Consistency of words and deeds are your friends, they are needed to make you look solid...even if you feel like you are full of holes.

Does that make sense?

When dealing with them the spouse...be consistent.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans

Consistency of words and deeds are your friends, they are needed to make you look solid...even if you feel like you are full of holes.

Does that make sense?

When dealing with them the spouse...be consistent.


Love this. J3B your quote just made my mirror smile Thank you.

(I am putting positive and inspiring quotes on my mirrors and around my room.)


Me(f): 51 W: 41
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"W not happy" 7/11
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jack-

i see myself doing that. i am not proud of it. i am letting myself go back and forth. brit said it..i need to accept it. move on with the changes i need to make.

I AM going to stand for my marriage, NO MATTER WHAT!

i need to stop 2nd guessing myself. it isnt doing any good. people can give me answer after answer on whether i should stay or go. it comes down to me. i am full of holes. if i act consistent the holes will fill up. thats what i get out of what you said.

you never tell me to do something. you point stuff out and leave me to make up my mind. i like that. deep down i do know what i want. i am confused on how to make it happen. that problem lies in me.

i need to face the facts. i have not been a good husband. i neglected my wife. i was not there for her. i didnt respect her. i took advantage of her. i treated her like property. i took her for granted. i made her feel bad in an attempt to hide the fact that i felt bad about me. i would have left me too.

i forgive her. i dont forgive myself. i never should have treated her this way. i didnt do it intentionlly and that makes it worse. i promised to love and cherish her and i didnt. i am going to make it up to her somehow someway. i AM going to STAND for my marriage. i AM going to STAND for her. karma is a b!tch.


m:31 W:32
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Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

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Dakota, I had a lot of little little crutches to help me through. Songs...words, books.

And no...not the crappy sappy "why oh why did you leave me?" songs...sung by...sissy emos.

One poem I took to heart.

Invictus
by Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Dakota,
and as for a song? Mudvayne's "Not Falling" Still gives me the chills.

In no way shape or form was I giving up on anyone's terms but my own. There was nothing anyone could throw at me, that wouldn't have me scrambling back to my feet, spitting blood maybe, but still on my feet, on my terms as long as I gave it my all, as long as I did my best, for me.

No one could take that away from me, that was my success my victory, it's not that I am still married, its that I never let anyone else dictate how long I stood.

Understand?

I also do tell you to do some things...like be consistant, be a good dad, be a good friend...but exactly what to do situationally?

I do try to avoid that. It's your life, and your shoes. I got enough stuff to do in mine, I don' t need to live yours or in yours. : )



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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jack-

sissy emos? lmao.. i hate that music. not falling is a great tune! i really like that poem. i am going to keep that one. i have always been getting up from being knocked down. usually spitting blood. this will be no different. i am not giving up. i used to have a picture of a bird eaing a frog. the frog is choking the bird. it said never give up! i used to live by that. i will again.

when my heart hurts i start second guessing as to why i do things. i know its because i love her. i always will. family is my everything. i will not give up on that. you cant be a hero if you quit when stuff gets rough. if the spartans gave up, they would never have been remembered. i want to be remembered as a man who stood up for my beliefs, for my family. no matter what. if my W leaves me fine. she will always remember that when it got tough, i didnt run.

i am sad. i will be for a long time. i am going to start taking tsome happiness out of the fact that i am being me. who i am. i have my flaws and i am removing them. at the core, i will still be me. i am a man who loves his family. i will do anything for them. i am strong. stronger than i think alot of the time. i am loving. i am a good friend. and dammit, im good in bed too! lmao..i will be happy.

thank you for the encouragement. i need it.


m:31 W:32
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I haven't heard Mudvayne in a long time, but I just downloaded Not Falling so I'll have it for the gym tomorrow. Maybe that'll keep me on the treadmill just a little while longer.


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4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
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Originally Posted By: Dakota
i want so badly to apologize to her. i want to tell her i get it. i cant. she will not let me. if i try, i am pursuing. pushing her away. she does not want to talk to me or be around me.


There is a saying we have around here

You can't talk yourself out of something you acted your way into.

Actions.

Your decisions and your actions to back them up.

What Jack said. This is all you man. YOU decide.

The moment you let someone make your choices for you is the moment you accept being a victim.

When you do that you've lost your self.

So what's it going to be?

You'll get bloody along the way, one way or the other, but the difference is you choose your battles rather than being tied to the whipping post.

What's it going to be?


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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Quote:
You can't talk yourself out of something you acted your way into.

Actions.

Your decisions and your actions to back them up.


This is soo sooo good. I feel like it should be added to Cadet's opening speech about space and patience.

There is so many times you want to text or call to apologize especially after you've had a realization but you're right you can't talk yourself into something you acted your way into. Especially if you've been "acting" that way for years.

I know Dakota has a new thread but I REALLY liked this so I had to post

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"You can't talk your way out of something you acted your way into"

Got to give credit to Mach1 for that one. It's one of my favorites too.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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Originally Posted By: JTB
Got to give credit to Mach1 for that one. It's one of my favorites too.


Do we have to?

he just said it to me he didn't tell me it was original.
I owe him a nickel?

I owe him more than that...

Surely.


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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