This might be last chance??

[MrBond]

I get that. Sometimes you have to get all the feelings and questions of 'why'. out of your head before you can move on. You'll get there.

One thing that I used to do was to go over the "Serenity Prayer". that really helped me to get my head straight.

[1702]

The "why" is the biggest thing to me right now. It is even harder that she is even lying to me about that.

[MrBond]

"It is even harder that she is even lying to me about that."

You know you keep mentioning this "lying" part. You really don't know that and it doesn't do your situation any good. It paints her in a bad light to you, and makes you even question yourself why you would want to still be married to someone so 'evil'.

Your W could just have changed her mind. It doesn't make her a liar.

[1702]

When she said that she shouldn't have said yes to M. that she made a mistake marrying me. If this was the case, then why?
She absolutely knew how important marriage and family were to me and that this was it... that I was in for the long haul. She and I had so many talks from beginning that we both were committed to everything.
As all this has been happening, I've had small talks with her friends that she has had committment issues in the past. That basically she runs when she got too close to anything. I just thought that a M was different, but I guess people don't change.????

[Tanto]

I have just read all your posts and everyone on here can relate to how you're feeling. Some people are further down the recovery route than you and have so much good advice... as hard as it is, listen to the advice. I'm at the early stages of my marriage problems and my emotions are all over the place. I've felt resentful, angry, isolated , misunderstood etc but I am so reassured that other people on this site can totally relate to my situation. You have to stop questioning why your W left you, it's so self-destructive. Accept that you might never understand why. Start believing that you can take tiny steps to recovery. Focus on yourself, let go of analysing and questioning everything your W has said/done. You cannot control someone else's thoughts but you can totally control your own. Positive thinking is extremely powerful, push out all the negative thoughts, keep busy and take control back. Good luck

[MrBond]

You really do like contradicting things don't you? If you were to go back to every thread that reconciled on here, even the recent ones, you'll find that the WAS said the EXACT same things your W did. You are no different. The more you keep thinking that your wife is the exception, then you will fail.

Okay let me put it another way. If you think she's a liar and a cheat, then why don't you go ahead and file already? Go ahead and do it.

[heartbrokeinsd]

like ^^^^^ !!!! i think bond said almost the exact same thing to me. we are no different. thinking that way is destructive. i always thought i was different from other alcoholics. it was smebody else's fault, not mine. i now have 4 yes 4 DUI's i the last 10 years. am i really different? nope. im an alcoholic. is my W a different WAS then every other one? she said stuff that i thought was different. then i started reading other peoples stories. take their WAS's name out and put hers in. its all the same. its script.

if you dont believe it you will fail. thats the truth. i have almost failed because i didnt want to wake up and see what is. almost being the key word. i still might fail, if i dont change myself and the way i act.

good luck

[1702]

Even though this was both of our 1st marriages, my W's last 3 or 4 R ended with her doing almost the same thing. I did know this from the beginning, but thought that it wasn't her fault, that there was a valid reason for her wanting out. So I just assumed she found what she was looking for an took the next step and married me because she realized I was the one.

Now she is telling me that this is no big deal, we have only been together for a little over two years, and that I will get over it. Its as if she is treating this as just another bad R that can end w/o giving it much thought.

[1702]

"Okay let me put it another way. If you think she's a liar and a cheat, then why don't you go ahead and file already? Go ahead and do it. "

Sorry, I don't know how to put quotes in the boxes...

I am truly not sure I have any other choice other than to say yes to what she wants. If I don't initiate contact, I don't hear from her. When we go periods of time w/o contact, she gets further and further away. And it is making her even more mad that I don't want this. In her eyes, our M is broken and nothing can fix it.

Bond, I'll never be able to forgive myself if I file myself, so that won't happen. I feel that I am only preventing the inevitable for the time being.

I know, without a doubt, that she is a WAW. The only thing that I think is different is that other WAW's actually loved their H. I feel that I was just a guinea pig to see if she liked being married.

[MrBond]

"The only thing that I think is different is that other WAW's actually loved their H."

Again, you're wrong. We all went through the "I never really loved you, etc."

I don't know what its going to take because with every post you still want to stay stuck and refuse to budge. It's up to you.

The only suggestion I have is for you to go back and read all the posts that responded to you. You haven't changed since then so they all apply. You hear but you don't 'listen'. Really get the message everyone is trying to tell you. It will click one day.