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Thanks, ladies.

I was trying to think some new goals because some of my previous short-term small goals had already been reached (H would ask me to dinner; H would plan a small (day) trip for us further out; H would cook a nice meal for dinner that he knows I like) (yes these were recent). Some of my goals, I think, may look weird in light of the upcoming service of papers. Maybe not. I'm going to marinate on my session today and mull my goals over for the weekend.

At least I know one - stay calm, collected, and out of b*tch mode. smile

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I think at one point Cheryl was (briefly) speechless in response to describing how H positively has been interacting before pulling back and dropping the negatives. I was a little concerned I'd lost the connection! Now that I think about it, it makes me feel like I'm not in the wrong to be confused.

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Yikes, verab!

I'm so sorry! Talk about mixed signals, no wonder you're confused!

It never ceases to amaze me about how easy it is to get a D in some states, the lack of wait period just seems to invite impulsive action. I guess I should be thankful that Canadian law requires a minimum 12 month separation before filing.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you.


M:36 WAH:41
M:16 T:17
D:12 SS:21
Bomb: IDLY 10/29/11
Separated same day, about an hour after the bomb.
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Thanks, Dory.

GET THIS, I could not make this up if I tried. Just happened:

Chatting during dinner, H asked what my weekend plans were. I said, oh, I'll be out on Sat and getting a pedi on Sun (both true). He said, oh, I was thinking maybe we could do a day trip to the beach, it's supposed to be nice out.

??????????????????????????????????????????

Of course I come to you wise folks first wink

I can probably not do the pedi, as I would like to get to the beach. This seems like a great way to show the difference between pre-service and post-.

???????????????????????????????????????????

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Alright. Managed to diffuse the situation without bursting out into maniacal laughter. Weather isn't actually going to be quite as nice as advertised and I worked out a way to get some nature time locally without devoting a whole day to the trip and a long car ride with H.

Things seemed back to "normal" this evening.

Good grief!

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Wow, a lot of activity on the board tonight; I'm going to try to check in a few places.

Today was another generally "normal" day of interaction between H and I. Did some errands/household tasks together this morning (after he suggested going to the beach again). I was firm that I had afternoon plans that couldn't be changed so that wouldn't work for me. I didn't tell him what I was planning on doing. He ended up not doing much today but hanging around the house, but is now out clubbing (acting like he's 21 again). While we were making dinner tonight, after I got home, he spilled about his day in detail and then asked what I was doing. I was kind of general, but honest (out with friends).

Back when we were on our vacation after the H-bomb, he started saying thinks like, "Remember when we were in X and [Y happened]?" about past travels. He still does it and I do it occasionally but usually only if he does it first. At least he can still remember some of the good times and shared experiences, I guess. It happened a few times today. We still have some inside jokes that he brings up.

I feel like my situation is less like a roller coaster and more like the "whip" ride. I'm calmly going along until I get pulled quickly into a curve, have a little readjustment and then back along the calm side; repeat ad infinitum. I'm looking forward to the ride ending and walking out of the gate intact.

Tomorrow we have a quick nature activity planned for the morning. (Not getting enough "nature" was one of his big "missing pieces" he revealed in MC. Well, we live in a city, so it's certainly not going to come to him!)

We're also cooking a special meal tomorrow night. It'll be the last thing I do on the flirty friend level before I am served with papers.

I'm steeling myself a little bit for this week. I'm going to tell him I'll be available to receive the D papers Monday evening. That way I'll know when they are coming and he'll have a few days before he leaves for a work trip to see the difference in dynamics, including what I'm preparing as my non-reaction to getting them. When I think of the situation more, I find it hard to believe that the person who said I knew him best would be convinced by others to serve me with financial interrogatories.

Up to this point, he hasn't really gotten a great sense of the separation that would exist between us after D. He will see it soon.

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I really admire your strength I think will all that going on I might have said/done something rash.

If Cheryl says to continue activity until you get papers then do that.

I agree having been the person to first suggest divorce and now pull back, it should require a much longer cooling off period.

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Thanks Brit. I'm kind of a slow thinker on my feet so I think that helps in terms of keeping my mouth shut because I literally can't think of anything to say sometimes.

H is excited for dinner tonight and asked when we might try a new recipe that I had sitting on the dining room table. Um, maybe if you call off the D? cool

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He was also out until 5am last night. Classy!

I know because I was awake around that time and heard him come in. The thought that someone could be advising him to try to get money out of me (hilarious, I have a ton of student loan debt) was gnawing at the back of my mind. I know that he wants to sail through this D uncontested but the cooling off time is so short. If I contest anything, it's a little bit longer but could involve hearings and, consequently, more $$$ on lawyers. I don't have a ton of savings and $ is always a big stressor for me. His family has a lot of money so they could be in a position to help him out.

This process svcks. But I'm getting to the point where I have a lot of reasons why I'd be okay with a D - I have been working on defining my requirements for an R/M, and alien-abducted H doesn't seem capable of meeting many of those right now.

Any advice for forgiving a WAS who pushes through with D despite the financial and emotional cost? The $$ really hurts to think about right now because I'm just getting to a point in my career where I'm comfortable and have the resources to spend on enjoyable things (like actual vacations that don't involve hanging out at my parents' house).

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Verab, I don't have any real advice for you as H hasn't filed anything. Just wanted to say that it sounds like you have a good plan. And that it s*cks that your H wants to push through the D so fast. I think he does need to see how the dynamics change.


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
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