Saturday: I spent the day with H as my shadow. He helped me clean out my car (he volunteered); he drove me around all day while my car was in the shop (also volunteered for this), and basically acted like the H I married. It was a day like we used to have; where we'd just ride around town, shop some, and laugh a lot. He finally found his wedding ring under the seat in his car this morning, and has had it on since. Have to keep reminding myself that nothing has changed and to keep my expectations at next to nothing.
Sunday: Went to see The Avengers. Great movie btw. I saw a glimpse of H that I don't get to see often enough, but want to.
We get to the theater and I can't find my phone. Go back and look in the car - no phone. (Mini freak- out starts) So I ask him to call Verizon and suspend my service until I can get home and look for it. Long story short - I go get movie snacks while he deals with Verizon. When I get back to my seat, he says he talked to Verizon and everything is good. I tell him thank you for taking care of it. Then I say that I wasn't planning on buying a new phone yet. He says not to worry, he's worked out a plan, and if I have to get a new phone then we'll just use the other phone line we have. I saluted him and said okay. (He said it like I'm in the driver's seat now lady. Sit back and enjoy the ride.)
Now, my H is not what you would call a decision maker. He pretty much just lets life happen. For him to take charge like that, even over something small, surprised me. It doesn't happen often and he hasn't done it at all post-bomb. It made me think about him being the strong H type in his next R, and then I got mad & sad all in one swoop.
The movie started and I moved on. (Ladies, Thor & Hawk Eye make the movie worthwhile. LOL) Oh, and I did find my phone at home.
Later Sunday night: I asked H if he had told his mistress (yes I used the word) that he was coming into town for my sister’s graduation next weekend. He swirls his head around real fast, says no, and asks why. I tell him being that he would be so close (30 mins from her house); I know she would want to see him. I said it was my sister’s weekend and I did not want any drama. He said there would not be any drama...that he didn’t tell her anything.
Something is going on with the board. Can't post everything all at once...stay tuned!
He seems to be getting defensive, and I call him on it. He says he’s not defensive, and that he didn’t tell her he was coming. I said well being that it’s Mother’s... Day (she has 4 kids), and your birthday weekend, surely she would want to see you. He looks at me and says it’s my sister’s weekend and that’s more important. I say well I know you’ve talked to her (I don’t, but I’m guessing). He says yes he’s talked to her, but didn’t tell her anything about the weekend. What he doesn’t know is that in one of my earlier snooping periods, I found an email from her talking about canceling his “surprise” birthday party scheduled for that weekend. Guess they had had an argument that day. *shrug*
It’s just strange. Our conversations about his A before were…different. He would answer whatever questions I had with what seemed like quiet defiance, now that I think about it. Like he wanted me to go off or something. Now, if I even mention her, he jumps down my throat. And not in any way that seems like he’s defending her either.
At least I confirmed that they still talk, which I was guessing still happened. Although, he didn’t talk to her all day Saturday because we were together, and unless he called her while I was out running errands yesterday (entirely possible) he didn’t talked to her then either. They have probably texted, but I’ve also noticed he hasn’t been on his phone as much recently. Before, I would have to pry it out of his cold dead hands before he put it down. Also, I’m still pretty sure he hasn’t seen her since February. This is partially based on him (if he was being honest) and the fact that he only went out of town once since Vegas.
I don’t know what to think. If I was willing to cheat on my wife, and I supposedly “loved” this person, h#ll freezing over wouldn’t keep me from seeing her. I’m thinking something else is going on. *side eye* If I find out that there is something going down this weekend, I’m going to break my foot off in H's butt and he’s going to have wish he had no knees instead of one hurt one by the time I finish.
Ro I about tinkled myself laughing at the last part!!! Who ever knows for sure what the blanky blank is going on.....its like we are all on a fricking roller coaster that never stops and lets off the passengers. We keep rolling around in circles with all these loops and spins.
April, I was just being honest. I haven't lost it on my H for real yet. Been trying to channel Zen Ro, and boy has it been hard. Even if it is what I should have been doing all along when I thought we were happily married.
If he somehow loses his mind this weekend and thinks for one second seeing her is okay, it's not going to be good for him.
Fig, you pose an interesting question, and one I asked myself today actually.
If I were really honest and really looking at things, I'd say it's my anger coming out, which stems from feeling inadequate as a wife. Why else would my H look outside of our M if I was good enough?
I am very angry at myself that I chose to love someone who turned out to be this kind of person. If no one else protects my heart, I have to, and I feel like I let my guard down, and got hurt because of it.
It's something I'm trying to work through. I honestly don't believe he's making his way back. Maybe that is my cynical mind working, but I really don't trust anything he does or says right now. And that trust issue always comes out as anger in our interactions.
