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Took a LONG nap this afternoon then headed to a celebration for my Pastor's 60th birthday.
A funny thing happened on my way out. I went to kiss H goodbye, and he asked if I was going to wear any makeup. He also made a comment a week or so ago about me having so much makeup but never wearing it. I used to wear it more than I do now. I know OW wears a ton of the stuff, so I'm sure that has something to do with it as well.
He said he wasn't going to say I "needed" it, but it does look nice on me. (Very diplomatic LOL) So I went back and put on eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss. I came back out and he said See. I went to kiss him on his cheek since I had lip gloss on. He said it didn't matter if I kissed him on the lips since he wasn't going anywhere so I did. My H is really crazy.
It was funny that I got several comments on my makeup at the party. I told H and he was of course all I told you so.
Trying to get back to where I was before the craziness happened the other day. Feeling some distance from H, but I think it's just him maybe feeling like I'm distancing from him. And maybe I did a little after the OW drama. Just feels different between us.
Been having weird dreams the past few nights. Think something is trying to come through, but I'm not sure what. H has his surgery tomorrow, so maybe it's my anxiety about that and the state of our M manifesting itself somewhere else.
I had what my friends are calling "Slacker Sunday" yesterday and it felt good. I very seldom spend quality time with myself. Still feeling off somewhat though. Need to pull myself out of this funk. I've got a lot to do today to get ready for the rest of the week, since H will be at home.
Remembering what fig said about not being the crazy one. When all I want to do is yell at H, shake him, and tell him to get his sh*t together! That'll look like crazy to him for sure! LOL
Ro, New to your sitch, but I commend you for taking the high road and enduring all of this while living with H. I can't imagine.
My H has been in an EA/PA since last June. He won't end the affair, yet doesn't want a divorce. I was trying to do what you're doing...but have now successfully detached and am trying to get H out of the house.
I don't know what your H is like, but I'd share a few thoughts: --Keep detaching. H is just one person in your life and you need to fill your life with other things to fulfill you. He still loves you, that's clear...but does he fully respect and appreciate you? I doubt it, and I think he has to see the risk of losing you to change.
--Consider if you are enabling him to continue the A knowing that you're willing to put up with it and if anything, it's made you "friendlier". You don't have to follow it now, but you may want to look at the book "Tough Love" by James Dobson.
--Brace yourself that the A may be "worse" than you think it is. Don't make any assumptions about what is or is not happening. In my case, I would notice H getting friendlier, not mentioning the A...but later discover he was planning a vacation with OW.
Hang in there and stay strong!
M 44, H 46 D11, D9, D5 Married 12 years PA confirmed 9/2011 I filed 3/2012 H moved out 7/2012
H's knee surgery went well today. I got a kiss and a "Thank you" in the car when we were leaving the surgery center. Other than that he's been pretty much resting all day. When I ran out to get his pain meds, I picked up a Get Well Soon balloon which he thought was cute and funny.
I'm thinking about scheduling my next DB Coaching session in the next week or so. I could really use some guidance on next steps, and how to broach the subject of whether he's still moving out or not. I don't want it to look like I "want" him to move out, although sometimes to be honest, I do. LOL I just know we need to have this discussion sometime soon.
More journaling as I have so much time on my hands.
Ended up calling in to work because H was having issues moving around this morning. My back is bothering me some so it mostly gave me time to rest. I'm going in later because I have some stuff to do that I need to do today.
I think we both underestimated how immobile he would be. Everyone but a couple of people told us he'd be up in a couple of days. At this point, I don't see that happening. Not by tomorrow anyway. He can't even lift his leg by himself.
I'm helping when he needs me to. He's eating it up. LOL Oh well, back to my nap.
Hey NH! Thanks for checking in. I am good at being Nurse Betty. Hard trying to do that and not smother him. I sent him a text on my way to work saying that I thought his knee was recovering well being that it's Day 3. And I said I hope I am not smothering him. Ended it with I love you. He sent me this text back: I am so thankful for everything you have been doing. Thank You I love you!
My first thought was this message symbolizes the quiet before the storm. Then I wonder if he feels like he has to keep telling me thank you...after all the drama of the past 5 months? Then I asked myself why I'm spending so much time second guessing this?
SIDEBAR: Why won't the duffus just say he'll stay and try to work it out? Just had to get that out...now back to the real world.
This is the 3rd day in a row he's been in the house, so I'm trying to think of something fun to do this evening when I get home. I told him I'd pick up whatever he wanted for dinner. Maybe I can get him to sit outside on the balcony for a few minutes. I'm sure it would be nice to get some fresh air...especially since he can't go down the one flight of stairs yet to get out the front door.