Needing some guidance... 3

[jks]

H sent me a text today saying, Happy Mother's Day, JKS. Our kids are very lucky to have you as their mother.

Had to shed a couple tears for that one. If H only knew that him being so nice to me actually makes it that much harder.

I just responded with a Thank you.

I feel like next time I see H, I may be apologizing for my behavior. But I wanted to keep it short and sweet. Just saying that I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately and leave it at that.

Thoughts?

[WifeofPa]

Been following through this threat and so much is familiar. Thanks jks for sharing your story and Oldtimer, man, your words are gold to remember, especially about not pushing the WAS into a corner and making the OW more powerful than she really is, becoming a soulmate to make all his pain and unhappiness have worth.

Words to remember and live by.

Thanks.

WofP

[oldtimer]

"I feel like next time I see H, I may be apologizing for my behavior. But I wanted to keep it short and sweet. Just saying that I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately and leave it at that. "


NO. That is just more R talk. There is no R for you to work out right now. He is NOT IN THE R with you. Leave him alone. Stick to business.

If you regret your behavior, forgive yourself and behave differently.

[jks]

Ok, I won't bring anything up.

H texted me today and said, "I have been thinking a lot about what you said when you came over to my parent's house. That, along with this agonizing time away from the kids has really made me slow down and consider a lot of things that I may have taken for granted. I know that I have hurt you in ways that I can't even imagine and I truly am sorry. And as corny or dumb as it sounds, I really am trying to find myself and really trying to not make any more rash decisions. And I truly hope you are feeling better. I really, really hate that I have hurt you so badly."

So he has a heart after all. And just like I said before, I still don't think he's 100% sure about his decision. But I am not going to do anything other than continue with no contact and smiles when I see him for kid exchanges.

[vera be fierce]

I was also going to say not to say anything and to focus on showing your changes through your ACTIONS. Looks like I was a little late on that BUT! I think the text you received may help you stay on your path working on the great 180's you listed a few posts up. Although he said that he's been thinking a lot about the big talk at his parents', it seems like it would be best to keep up your N/C while he continues to mull that over - it clearly had an effect on him. There is clearly some waffling on his part.

I would probably not respond to that text, either. But, you know him best. Maybe some more experienced folks could chime in on whether a simple "Thanks." to that text or no response would be better.

[jks]

I have already decided to just not respond. He did ask me about S4's dr. appt today and I put my focus on that. So I did text him but only about S4.

[BFloat]

haven't caught up on your entire sitch but read some of the later postings. wow! there are many parallels between our situations. married about the same length of time.. been w/ H a little longer than you have been w/ yours.. young kids..

H and i went to RV and currently doing the post sessions. it's still an up and down battle.... we are not at the point of R. some good things to think written on your thread that made me think as well.. will have to catch up on your entire story!

[jks]

So yesterday I asked H if he would do me a favor and pick up our S4's blanket that got left at a restaurant we were at yesterday. I live a half hour away from it and I didn't want them to get rid of it because it's his favorite. He said he would.

Then my D1 had a Dr. appt today out by where he lives and he texted me out of the blue and said, "Do you want to come by and pick up S4's blanket after D1's appt?"

I didn't really want to see him and I've been trying to keep my space so I said, "yeah, you can just leave it on the porch." He said, ok.

So after D1's appt I headed over to his parent's house and ran up to the porch and the blanket wasn't there. So I ran back to my car and as I was running back my D6 jumped out of the car and ran to my H who was walking out of the house holding the blanket. And, of course, all the kids were so excited to see him. I, however, was a little frustrated because I wasn't expecting to see him and I've been trying to stay away from him. He caught me off guard.

He came up to me and said, "how are you?" I put on my smile, and said "good." He said, "really?" I said, yes, I am. We had a little small talk about D1's Dr. appt and he talked to the kids for a little bit and held D1. The kids were asking to have a sleepover at his house and we both just kept saying, "soon!" He will get them on Sunday.

Shortly after I left he sent me a text saying, "It was good to see you. I know you wanted to try and avoid it but I'm glad I did. I know I've screwed up a lot. A LOT. I will make things right again I just need time to do so. My family means more to me than anything else."

Is this man confused or what?

I talked to the neighbor that lives across the street from OW today and asked if my H's car has been there lately and she said, yes, almost everyday. I texted her at 8:15 this morning and she said his work car was there. So he obviously slept over.

He is in a big mess. I don't know how he's going to end this with OW. I know he has been with her every chance he can get and I was told that even at work they make it a point to show up to the same calls (they're both cops) so they can see each other. A co-worker had said that when H told him about dating OW, his co-worker said he wasn't surprised. That is a little unsettling.

So what do I do? Do I continue to ignore the texts and give him space? I feel like he has a lot proving to do if this is really what he wants. Which we all know, he could change his mind tomorrow. I feel sorry for him.

[sweetbabyred]

Yes, I'd just ignore his texts. It's tough, but he's trying to figure things out. My H told me Monday he wanted a divorce, Wednesday that he was still interested in me and maybe we could work it out, and by Saturday thought that I should just move on and forget about him.

So I get slightly excited when he says something positive, but it just brings me down when he changes his mind. The saying "believe none of what he says" is something you have to take to heart right now. Wait and see what his actions tell you.

[vera be fierce]

I think it would be wise to continue ignoring the texts as you had been. Keep the focus on the kiddos. You'll see him this weekend again, anyway, right?