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#2245783 - 05/16/12 09:26 PM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: Underdog]
fightingforit Offline
Member

Registered: 03/24/12
Posts: 96
Today I am so emotional, I can't stop crying. This really is a roller coaster. I am grieving the loss of what I thought was my perfect little family. I am so sad it is confusing me, I had been feeling so strong:(
_________________________
M 37, H 37
M 10, T 12
S 4
D 2
3/14/12 ILYBNILWY
4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing
4/26/12 H moves to his new place

I do not want to have regrets

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#2245791 - 05/16/12 09:50 PM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: fightingforit]
Maggie3 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/28/12
Posts: 157
So sorry for all you are going through, Fifi. Cyberhugs from me too. Wish I could send you a cybermargarita.
_________________________
Me-32
H-31
M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs
No kids, 3 pets
H estranged father passes away- 8/11
Bomb- 1/15/12
Began LRT- 4/1/12

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#2245855 - 05/17/12 02:32 AM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: Maggie3]
fightingforit Offline
Member

Registered: 03/24/12
Posts: 96
Thanks Maggie, I did have a glass of wine. I am feeling a little more stable now. I just think I had some time to myself, to think. Usually I am busy with the kids, work, house, etc, but today I just let myself feel the loss of what I thought my life was going to be like. It made me sad.
_________________________
M 37, H 37
M 10, T 12
S 4
D 2
3/14/12 ILYBNILWY
4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing
4/26/12 H moves to his new place

I do not want to have regrets

Top
#2245860 - 05/17/12 03:22 AM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: fightingforit]
LIO Offline
Member

Registered: 04/09/12
Posts: 227
Loc: NW USA
Hi FiFi,
I am feeling you, and for you. Glad you are doing better right now! I think the worst part is letting go of that 'dream' in our head of how it will be. But honestly, we never know until the end of how it WILL be.
_________________________
Me& h + S
M: 13 t: 14

H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my!
I'm done. 12/12

"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba

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#2245865 - 05/17/12 04:05 AM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: LIO]
wishing, hoping Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 2835
Loc: Wisconsin
Hang tight on the roller coaster. I have ups and downs. Highs and lows. I feel actually happy right now. I know I am becoming a great person and rediscovering myself as an individual. And I have come to the conclusion that I deserve the best. So I continue to work on me and if H chooses to move on without me it's his loss.
_________________________
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
"No matter where you go, there you are"

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#2245885 - 05/17/12 07:02 AM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: fightingforit]
NLW Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1285
Originally Posted By: fightingforit
Today I am so emotional, I can't stop crying. This really is a roller coaster. I am grieving the loss of what I thought was my perfect little family. I am so sad it is confusing me, I had been feeling so strong:(


ffi,
I'm, so sorry that you have been feeling so down - it's SO VERY HARD, I know.

I reckon this is a process (the extreme emotional ups and downs) that the lbs has to go through - it's just a normal way of dealing with trauma and grief, and there's no rushing through it or speeding it up - much like you can't 'bull' an mlc-er through their process. It just has to be gone through/endured.

Try to keep in mind that it is just a phase in a natural process and that you will feel better. And over time, the sadness does diminish...

So, just gotta keep this in mind throughout the ups and downs, and every time you get through a bad patch, things gets a little easier to cope with.

Best,
NLW

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#2245895 - 05/17/12 08:39 AM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: fightingforit]
bustingout Offline
Member

Registered: 05/15/12
Posts: 2552
Hi-I am really REALLY new here, and I was just reading your thread. I liked what you said at the end about wanting to work on things that your H told you about, 'Not to keep him, but for me to work on myself. I don't want to pass these traits on to my kids'

I will remember that. smile
_________________________
TPS
Me: 43 H: 41
M13 T16
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE' (email)
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors began in 2010)
July '14 H says he ended his affair

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#2245964 - 05/17/12 02:52 PM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: bustingout]
oldtimer Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/06
Posts: 4475
Fifi,

You've only been here a short time and aren't in a good place to act too swiftly. Protect your financial interests, detach, quit trying to mind read, don't try to predict the future, stay in the present and focus on yourself.

Stop psychoanalyzing and demonizing h for awhile. Just let him be.

Change your behavior. If he does something you don't like, be direct and call him on it.

It is a perfectly normal thing not to go into personal details about a D with third parties. Would you prefer that he say he is leaving you and then list all his complaints about you? No doubt from his side he thought he was being kind not to expose you to criticism.

There are two sides to everything. Neither of youths any sort of objective perspective right now.

You and h are both too all over the place. Make the big decisions when you are at peace with them.
_________________________
Best,
Oldtimer

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#2245973 - 05/17/12 03:09 PM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: oldtimer]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8789
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Make the big decisions when you are at peace with them.

Good advice for all of us.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2246089 - 05/17/12 08:34 PM Re: Got the mother load of data from WAH today [Re: labug]
fightingforit Offline
Member

Registered: 03/24/12
Posts: 96
Thanks so much guys. I am feeling a lot better today. I think that I just needed a day to grieve, let it all hang out. Him doing something I didn't like just gave me a platform for the emotions to come out I suppose.

I am wondering if I feel ready to go to the mediator on Monday. I made the appointment for both of us, because I felt too upset to keep on going on like this. I think that maybe I thought I was fully detached, but obviously I am not. In actuality I was ( and still am) just angry. I feel silly canceling the appointment now, like H will think "I knew it, she still wants me." But I know it will bring up things like money/ the kids visitation that we may disagree on. I don't want to start focusing on that stuff, to give us more baggage if we do reconcile in the future.

I am so confused. If he really wants out, and it's going to happen anyway, why not start moving forward with it? He seems very, very sure.
_________________________
M 37, H 37
M 10, T 12
S 4
D 2
3/14/12 ILYBNILWY
4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing
4/26/12 H moves to his new place

I do not want to have regrets

Top
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