Tough one today - Mother's Day. We have usually been going to church on Sundays. It's starts in an hour and I am dressed to go - but still not sure if I can. I figure that it's a 180 I am trying to do - for me. So I don't think I am going to let her factor in. Church is neutral ground and if ever I needed a boost from God, it is now. Don't even know if she will be there - but my heart is telling me to go either way.
Happy Mother's Day, ladies - you are all doing your best and your kids love you.
Well, went to church and when I arrived she wasn't there. I took my usual seat and just before the service began she showed up and sat down right next to me. It was the first time we had communicated since the phone call on my way to work on Friday.
I'm sure I'll probably get a smack in the mouth from the board on this, but I DID give her a Mother's Day card. I wrote a nice note to her from the perspective of our son and then a quick blurb from me (nothing romantic in the least). We both enjoyed the message and then went to the nursery to pick up our S. I hadn't seen him since Tuesday. He saw me peek in and ran right at me with his arms out saying "daddy! daddy! daddy! daddy!" - I scooped him up - that totally made my day. W asked me to walk with him while she went to the chapel to say her prayers - so we spent a little bit of time together in the courtyard (he loves to put his hands in the fountains). W came back, we walked to her car - I strapped s in and said good-bye. W said thank you for the card and making Mother's Day special. We exchange a quick, non-romantic hug and that was it.
Maybe that violates going "gray" but I woke up this morning with a mindset of "eff it". I know this won't change anything, it won't stop the divorce - nothing will. But for one reason or another my heart felt compelled to get up, get her that card and go to church. GM - you mentioned to stop with the rules and tactics and just live - well, that is what I decided to do this morning.
I also had a quick inspiring moment with the spouse of a co-worker last night who knows my situation. He, too, is a new father. He just patted me on the back and said "do the right things and things will be alright". Simple, some may call it cliche, but it that moment - coming from him it actually seemed to mean something. Despite her saying we shouldn't communicate until after the proceedings are over, the card (and I've decided to give her the plate we made for her last weekend) seemed and felt like the right thing to do - regardless if it gets me one step closer to saving my marriage.
I am a different man, and I am going to do my best to live the changes that I needed to make at all times. W or not.
No "smack" from me, Crimson. Mothers Day comes but one time each year, and whether or not you remain married to your W, she will forever be your Son's mother.
FWIW, I too gave my W a card as well as a 4 picture framed collage of the boys. I also cooked on the grill today. Some may call it pursuit but to my mind, my W is the mother of my children and regardless of what is going between us, she still deserves to be celebrated for the mother that she is.
Me48 W50 S15 S11 M20 T23 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Well, she seemed to like the plate a lot....loved it actually. It looked very much like a two-year-old painted it. He also made her an apron with his hand and footprints on it at school.
She dropped s off at the house and gave me the gratitude letter she has been writing. I have not read it yet because I figured I would be emotional afterwards and thought it best to put the baby to sleep first......don't want him to see daddy blubbering!!
It was about 5 beautiful pages of all of the reasons/things she is grateful for about me and what we have been through. I cried.
She talked about becoming a mother, sharing our childhoods, how I taught her unconditional love in a relationship for the first time, how surreal it was when I proposed because she "never thought things like that would happen to her".
Hell, I am getting choked up just rehashing it. I only read it once. It's a tad too emotional to revisit a bunch of time.
If you read it, you wouldn't think it was from the perspective of a woman that wanted to divorce the man she was writing about - and that's me being objective. I just don't understand.
There was no "I am glad we can be friends" or any mention of the divorce, nothing. Just pages of appreciation, memories and kindness.
It's so confusing. I just don't know what she seems intent on this thing. Today is going to be rough.