What you will or will not do if W,Y, or Z happens? Just file that away for now, you'll actually know what you are going to do if it happens.
Fill your free time. You have a 9 year old and a 5 year old, spend time with them alot of it.
When you're not with them? Work out, clean, burn yourself out. Cannot fill your time? Get a second job at a convience store. That will not only occupy yourself, but will give you some extra income.
It's easy to say no to these ideas. It easy to say no and sit around with all this free time for your head to make monsters, and allow those monstrs to I don't know...call her...check up on her...drive by her house.
Fill your dance card, fill it right the hell up. those thing sI mentioned? Either get you in shape, gets your crap all clean, or gives you extra money.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Reaching out to others is a step in recovery. Your post on the other thread was insightful and heartfelt. You are doing great.
Jack has good advice for you above. Keep yourself busy. When I first started in AlAnon, I went to 3-4 meetings a week cause I felt so much better after the meeting and it helped keep my mind occupied.
Your kids are lucky to have you.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
thanks jack. that is currently what i am doing. minus the convenience store thing. lol.. and you are right about the monsters. i stopped myself from driving by her work. that is not me, yet i have done it. why i dont know. my working out is going good and only getting better. i start training for te highland games on sunday. i have never competed, so this could turn out very interesting. or at least very funny!
you are right. i do know. i miss my wife. i am scared she is cheating. i have done it to try to put my mind at ease. i also like seeing her car. i feel connected to her when i see it. that is wierd creepy stalker behavior i know, and i am not proud of it. i worry about what is going on at her work, since she works with OM. i have not driven by in a while. another reason is because i am trying to catch her doing something. that is bad because it leads my mind to places i dont want to go. i am suspicious of her and focusing energy there, when it should be focused on myself. i am trying really hard to not care. little by little i am getting there. final reason is i like to put myself in pain. i am comfortable with pain. that goes with my addiction issues. addicts/alcoholics like pain. gives us a reason to use.
i dont mind the name. has a ring to it. even if i am not from here, it is where i am at. i have made the best of it, and i need to make the best of my sitch.
bug- thank you for your kind words. i look forward to your feedback the way i do bond's. you make me smile, think and cry. sometimes all at the same time. you also have said things that give me hope. that means alot to me.
When she does that, before she starts getting into it, hold up your and and tell her that she asked you the same question and that you deserve the same respect as she does. And that she didn't have to tell you details, you were just making casual conversation.
Start commanding some respect from her. Is there someone you could model yourself after? Someone you could use as an example to follow?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
bond- my hero is who i named my S after. i used to act that way. liam gallager. lead singer of oasis. i used to be confident and kind of cocky. i was younger then. the confidence can still come back. the cocky..im good without it. the things that came out of that mans mouth are the definition of confidence. a real rock star. not this new, i won a tv singing show bs
A little bit of cockiness is okay. There's a certain confidence that comes from being cocky that women enjoy. But not so much cockiness that you sound like an @$$.
It's the confidence that comes from when you know what you want and you know how to get it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
i think thats the way i was. i was very sure of myself. i knew what i wanted and i went after it. she wasnt used to it. she gave me every excuse not to date me. we got married, so i guess my confidence paid off. i was not an a$$..just sure of myself.
last night i had a good chat with my best friend. he said some things that really got me thinking. he asked why i let the old me disappear. i didnt have an answer for him. he dealt with a similar sitch about a year ago. for him, he let the old him go to try to please his GF. it ended up not working. he believes that the confident guys that we both used to be is what attracted our girls to us. when we started doing what they wanted, it backfired. even though we had the best of intentions, they resent us for that. they want the men we used to be. since he has started to get back to his old self, women have been attracted to him. his ex has started asking around about him. he wants nothing to do with her. that is his choice and i understand. he told me he new i still had rock star in me. i just need to get back in touch with myself. i agreed with him and said i am going to do that. it feels good that someone who knows me so well has seen me let myself be lost. to hear that he has faith in me means alot. motivates me.
out of the blue, a guy i know here texted me. he knows about whats going on with me and my W. he just wanted to let me know he is there for me if i want to start rebuilding my life. then he asked me to play guitar in his band. he had ulterior motives, lol. still feels good though. i told him i would try. i havent played in 11 years. kinda funny, cuz thats when i started dating my W. i let my hobbies go to try to please her how i thought she wanted me too. i let myself go and eventually lost her. its no wonder she doesnt love me anymore. she fell in love with a person that i let go trying to be someone i am not.
so my big decision i have made is, no matter what i am going to be a "rock star" again. it doesnt matter if it makes her happy. i will be happy, and thats what matters.
