thank you broken. you are right. it could be worse. i only have a 3 bedroom...lol. this is tough. it feels like i am at a new chapter in my life. guess i gotta try to write a happy ending.
par- thanks for your thoughts. jail is no big deal. been there done that. i have work release so i basically just sleep there. its goood to know i am not alone. thanks for the prayera. im gonna need em
the time is no big deal. what i did was wrong. my case could have been thrown out on a technicaality. i chose not to pursue it because what i did was wrong. ny kids know i did something wrong. they need to see me take my consequence. kinda like when i give them a timeout. my L thought i was nuts for not pursuing the loophole. i told him that is what is wrong with our justice system. do not misunderstand me, my kids are very important to me. i want them to have a good role model. how can i be a good father if i dont show them what that means. getting out of stuff cuz i can, not being a grown up. i have and always will do what i think is in the best interest of my kids. they love me and i have explained to them i have to have a timeout for misbehaving. me sitting in jail is no big deal. i was raised by juvenile detention facilities. i turned 18 in prison. that is why i have a very hard time relating to people and dealing with feelings. i learned feeings get you hurt. i have stopped doing the stupid stuff over the years. my drinking problem led to this. i am doing stuff about that. i am working on my feelings. i have learned to relate to people more and more over the years.
Do you think it's the feeling that get you hurt or the lack of boundaries which allow other people to hurt you? Give other people power over you? The inability or unwillingness to say STOP and walk away?
Ok, Well prayed for the wrong guy but still praying for you both. I went to jail once when my delusioned pilled up X called the police on me and those idiots took me to jail. I was in the right and I was sober. She was the one that should have gone.
Anyway, I had to spend the night and I thought I might kill myself. It was that bad for me. I can't do it. I would commit sucicide in jail. No question. I think to much and have no patiences and I didn't learn any there. But the surprise was that the people were not bad at all.
Oh, my case was thrown out and she got in trouble for making a false police report. I was the victim in that deal.
more than likely it is a lack of boundries that get me hurt. i have always had feelings. the only one i am comfortable showing is anger. that is because i am afraid of looking hurt. or getting hurt. i do not like people having power over me. maybe if i set the right boundries, that fear would go away. i have never been good at walking away. i need to work on that. i need to show my kids i am worth respect. i need to show them how a healthy adult acts. i need to do this for me
today has been hard. lots of emotions bouncing around. cleaned up the house from the mess W made moving out. mowed the lawn. went to church this morning. did some laundry. didnt really help keep my mind of anything. my W is happy being gone. i am miserable. at least i get my kids all week starting tomorrow night. i dont think what i did today even comes close to qualifying as GAL. i txt her happy mothers day and asked when would be a good time to drop off the stuff the kids got for her. no response. oh well. her parents must still be in town. they hate me so i dont see how this will ever work out between us. i know thats bad thinking, but thats where i am at.
I have been blamed by the parents for all kinds of crap so I know the feeling also know about thinking about the R all the time. Don't have an answer for me so I don't have one for you. Maybe one of us will find the answer. But you don't know what she is feeling right now, I have to remind you. She may be happy, she may not be-don't dwell on it, you can't change that part anyhow, so why worry about it. Sometimes I think GAL just means do something, it may not take away the pain but aleast you were productive today.
par- thanks for that. if u find the answer, let me know. i will do the same. you are right about not knowing her feelings. i know i cant change it. all i can change is my way of dealing with it. easy to say, hard to do. i will get there. been doing alot of thinking today. mostly about myself. i am a strong stubborn person. i can use that for good. thats my new plan. stick to the 37 rules and dont waiver. no matter what. there is too much riding on it. the biggest thing is me. as far as GAL i did work out. im glad i did. i beat my best time on my run by 10 seconds. im sick too, so im pretty proud of that. now that my W is gone i can hang up the rules so i can see them all the time. its time to do the work instead of "trying". i might have pushed her to far, i might not have. friday night she fell asleep on me on the couch. first time in months she even got close to me. i fell asleep finally too. i woke up to her kissing me. very wierd. it gives me hope that she is not totally gone. or she was having a good dream. either way im believing she isnt totally gone. i get my kids tomorrow for the week! im excited. S has first game of baseball playoffs tomorrow night. thats gonna be fun.