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#2242410 - 05/02/12 05:43 PM Re: WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice? [Re: kenva]
sweetbabyred Offline
Member

Registered: 04/29/12
Posts: 512
Loc: Texas
I'm sure her mind is racing just as much as yours, trying to make sure what she is doing is right. Even if she's currently sure that a D is the right answer, it still has to be tough.
I've just started the 180 process and I know that I'm going to feel much worse before I'll get better. But sitting around and analyzing what she's thinking is just going to drive you crazy. Be the person you want to be, so that you'll be happy no matter what and know that you did all that you could. Keep busy and try not to think too much!
_________________________
M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13

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#2243349 - 05/07/12 07:39 AM Re: WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice? [Re: kenva]
sandi2 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/07
Posts: 10768
Do you have a plan of action? It sounds to me that you are standing back, scared to death, and waiting on her to see what's going to take place next.

Women like men who can take charge, know what they (the man) wants, have goals in life, the leader in his family.....but most of all over his personal life.

Make some goals and break them down. Share them with us and we'll try to help you with a plan.

She has you curious about what's going on in her head, and it should be the other way around. Take a look at some 180's.
_________________________
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!

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#2243357 - 05/07/12 08:52 AM Re: WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice? [Re: sandi2]
Brit45 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/12
Posts: 1108
Just popping in to say I was a WAW (now I think I'm a LBS)anyway I didn't start missing him until he had GAL, stopped telling me his plans/checking in with me, being there. I think you should stop making her coffee stop acting like her brother.
I felt like he was still there for me minus the relationship. But I had all the stuff from a relationship I wanted plus all the freedom I wanted to.
It was when he GAL and wasn't there for me. I wasn't the centre of his life. Our house was just his houseshare not a home.
The more you detach the more she has to face the reality of life without you.
If you couple that with becoming stronger, more confident, interesting (ie have hobbies) then you'll make her reconsider I think.
I did at least but it was possibly too late. His GAL included meeting someone.
Good luck but like everyone says it won't happen overnight. It took me MONTHS to realize that I wanted another chance.

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#2243368 - 05/07/12 10:00 AM Re: WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice? [Re: sandi2]
horsewnoname Offline
Member

Registered: 02/16/12
Posts: 32
Yes I'm going through almost the same experience. My W and I just had our 9th anniversary yesterday...it was terrible because she is moving to an apartment at the end of this week...we spent the evening working on our joint custody agreement. I know a lot of men on this site have had very similar experiences. Why WAWs choose "special" times to cut us out of there lives is a mystery...may be to delete all good feelings for us? Don't know.
The DR is an excellent book (better then DB in my opinion)...I'm following the last resort technique - stay positive and pleasant, do not pursue/plead/beg in any way, if she plans on separating help her pack and move, be her friend not her husband/lover anymore (have faith that this will return but for now it is dormant if not dead and you need to wrap your mind around this), write up a joint custody agreement if that's what she wants, don't let yourself get angry with your W (find a place to vent/cry AWAY from W), and most importantly GAL find peace and love for yourself and self respect...because even if your marriage is over (worst case scenario here) your ego will be intact and this will positively influence your life but more importantly how you parent your child. Your son is the real victim here...be positive, caring, loving for him. Stay out of conflict with your W and work on the best parenting environment you can...this will really minimize deleterious effects on your son IF you get divorced.

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#2243496 - 05/07/12 09:19 PM Re: WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice? [Re: horsewnoname]
greenblue90 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/09/11
Posts: 685
Special times are just a reminder of how bad things are in their minds when everything should be good. So WAW's lash out extra hard during this time. I read somewhere that websites that cater to affairs get their biggest number of registrations from women looking to cheat the day after Valentin's day and the day after mothers day.

It's all the expectations that cannot be met.

Trust me GAL is key, she needs to see what life is without you.

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#2243986 - 05/09/12 02:05 PM Re: WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice? [Re: greenblue90]
kenva Offline
Member

Registered: 02/04/12
Posts: 213
I have been working on GAL. I have gone out on a Sat night with friends, I have gone out for a few hours just for ice cream, not telling her where and with whom. My business has picked up, which she has noticed, I pay more of the bills now than before.I plan things on the weekend with our son, inviting her, and sometimes she comes along.She has regretted a couple of times that our son and I had plans and she couldn't tag along.I am working out and, look pretty dam good, since I was in my 20's.I have a smile on my face everyday telling her to have a good day when I leave and good night at bed time.One of the toughest things is when she has plans and goes off, not knowing where or with whom she is with, or when she tells me, if I believe her.I am trying to stick to my guns on GAL.Mothers day will be kind of tough.
_________________________
M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2

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#2244462 - 05/11/12 06:01 AM Re: WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice? [Re: kenva]
Brit45 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/12
Posts: 1108
Wow it sounds like you're doing fantastic! I'm really proud of you! Stick with doing those independent things and feeling good about yourself.

Keep us updated!

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#2244553 - 05/11/12 01:48 PM Re: WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice? [Re: Brit45]
kenva Offline
Member

Registered: 02/04/12
Posts: 213
Wife made plans to go to beach house w her sister, leaving son and I Fri and Sat night. We have plans to go to a carnival.She said she would be back Sun to be with her mom,take her to lunch and then they go to the carnival, taking our son also.She doesn't want to be with me in public, even thou we still eat dinner together every night. My mother inlaw is furious with her that I am not invited on Sun.She said if I wanted to go out Sat night, she would come back home to be w our son so I could.Told her didn't know what I was going to do. Well,tonight, Fri. I am going to take our son to inlaws to spend the night, knowing wife will find out, and I didn't tell her.I think also, my inlaws are going to hang out with me and son at carnival Sat, without wife.Another thing wife will find out about. Not using my inlaws like that, in a bad way,I enjoy being around them and they love me. They hate what their daughter is doing to me, our relationship, and our son.
I knew this weekend was going to be tough.
_________________________
M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2

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#2244554 - 05/11/12 02:12 PM Re: WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice? [Re: kenva]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3692
Originally Posted By: kenva
Not using my inlaws like that, in a bad way,I enjoy being around them and they love me. They hate what their daughter is doing to me, our relationship, and our son.



Question for you....

What do you see coming from this, that is good ????

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#2244560 - 05/11/12 02:49 PM Re: WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice? [Re: Mach1]
Brit45 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/12
Posts: 1108
Ask yourself would you be making the same choices on how to spend your time if she never found out?

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