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Joined: Oct 2012
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Good luck today smile

How about everyday is a new day, a new chance to have a relationship, whatever it may look like?

How about not to come back, but start fresh?

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kenva Offline OP
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Feeling I helpless in trying to save marriage and give our son the family life he deserves. I went to my first attorneys appointment came home and told her I would not sign the deed over. She,as I expected got all irate. I stayed calm. We were going back and forth of what we both wanted. She an uncontested divorce and me telling her a new life together w her. Nothing. I get the same from her. There is nothing there,I don't love u, and even, I tried but nothing. She threatened to serve me and have me thrown out. I told her to do what she had to do. We did sit down and eat together the three of us but she made her own dinner from leftovers. Later she took all my clothes out if the master closet and threw them on the bed upstairs where I sleep. Next day I met w another attorney. I came to realize ITS DONE. I can't make her love me which I have told her. But listening to the attorney I am better off negotiating w her instead of fighting and hurting our son even more. She called me when I was in appointment and called her back. She wanted to verify that I was not signing deed over and that we are going to go to court. I told her that I don't want that just out everything in writing that you want. You are in the driver seat. It's been a couple of hours since I met w attorney and realized this is coming to an end. I got home,no one home,and screamed off the top of my lungs. Had a little anxiety attack and almost threw up. I think I have calmed down before writing here. I also made phone appointment w my coach. I still am going to DB but I know I have little time before the end. I know it's not the end but its not the outcome I wanted. I still pray and did today after my episode. I also pray for all of you going thru this. Who ever reads this please say a prayer for me aswell. It is in Gods hands from here.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,695
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You got it (((Ken))).

Keep coming and posting, we will be around for you smile

We can't make people love us, you are right. That is why it is so sweet when it comes around.

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kenva Offline OP
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Thank you inside out. Didn't feel like going back to work so I'm just laying here. Trying to take a nap but can't and trying to figure out how to act tonight. What gets me us that she that is committing adultery is getting what she wants. Freedom from me. Not fair,but life isn't fair sometimes either. Wow. My mind keeps spinning in circles. My sister law texted me if i was ok so then u called her. It helped a little but cant get all my feelings out because no one knows about her affair. Not even her parents who talk to me once a week to see how things are going. But they were the ones that said she must be talking to someone. Anyone been in this position w some advice?


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,198
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I know what you are going through man! My wife has not old anyone close to both of us about the OM. Her best friend and horse trainer know, but that's it on her side.
My mom, therapist and a guy I get great advise from know on my side and that's it.
Her parents, her brother(who I love with), mutual friends, no one else knows!
It's so aggravating because I feel like she is having her cake and eating it too.
Not for long though! I won't sit by waiting on her while she tests the waters.


M 37 W 30
S 7
Together 10 years
Married 9 years
BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day)
I moved to apartment 1/11/13
W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13
Peicing: 6/3/13
Reconciled: 7/2013
BD2: 4/20/16
still working on it
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 214
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kenva Offline OP
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Laying in bed not wanting to get up for the day. I reread all my posts and have tears. I keep telling myself i have to face my fears. It had been real emotional the last couple if days, w meeting two attorneys and dealing w W in this. I am also so tired. Now it's just waiting to see what settlement agreement the w presents me.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,695
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,695
UP!! Get UP!!! LOL!

Here is an awesome quote for you, think about this:

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
― Pema Chödrön


This week I have made it a promise to lean in. It is not easy. Facing your fears will bring you the realization that you are so much stronger than you know. It will open some doors and close others. If you are lucky enough, you also get to grow.

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kenva Offline OP
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I went to the library today and got DR to read for the second time. As hard as it is, I am in it till the end. Since her temper tandem on Mon she and our son went out to dinner on tue, she informed me w a text and today she texted me she wont be home for dinner that she will kiss our son goodnight when she comes in. She usually tells me to tell our son, but this time she didn't. Oh we'll. son and I are going to go out for a good dinner and the play ground.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 214
K
kenva Offline OP
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Posts: 214
I told w last weekend that I was going to get a basketball goal for our son. She responded ok. Today I bought one. I want to surprise my son w it but tell him at dinner that we both or should I say , mommy and daddy got you something. I don't want to say its from me for her to think I am trying to be the better parent. And of course lay out the rules if that he misbehaves that it will be one of the things WE will take away from him. Any input?


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 214
K
kenva Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 214
I told w about the surprise for our son and she followed my lead when we told him. She even offered to keep him occupied for me to put it together. He was so excited when he saw it. My heart melted. Sat s went to in laws to spend the night. I had a feeling w was going out and didn't want to be around me that evening. I made plans. Got home around midnight and she wasn't home. Woke up this morning and not home. She didn't even tell me what she was doing which she has in the past by telling me or texting me. I took a few deep breaths this morning and I am good w myself. Not getting emotional. This is also day 4 of me not wearing my ring, used to just out it on when I left the house. Getting better at detaching.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
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