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I am also one year in ... xW formal departure was 10 months ago....we must continue to GAL and move forward......


H 51, W 46
no kids
T 22 years
M 17 years
ILBNILWY 2/10
1st D talk 6/10
partial recovery
W files D 5/11
long distance separation 8/11
moving forward on D 10/11
legal separation complete 1/2012
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
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jks Offline
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Loving this thread!!


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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bug-

i hope your night gets better. sounds like you had a rough day.
((((((bug)))))


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

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Posts: 9,676
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labug Offline OP
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Thanks, this has been brewing and it's all due to expectations. H and I had a few positive interactions and now he's retreated deep into his cave. Darker than dark. As I've said before, he's a better DBer than I'll ever be.

A friend from this board wrote me about something not having to do with my sitch, at least not directly: This is the hard part, watching while others make their choices, albeit a great exercise in letting others live their life.

I need to learn that lesson. That maybe he never was that person I thought he was. This is him stripped of my filling in the empty spaces, making excuses, smoothing the rough spots.

I'm not there yet.

I know this is a bit cryptic but I'm too raw right now. I'm letting emotion get in the way of my logical brain. Maybe I can make more sense tomorrow.

Thanks, Dakota.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,855
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zig Offline
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labug - are you ok?

i can't figure out what happened. can't see anything on this thread - is it somewhere else?

i just came on line and saw this

(((((labug))))))

zig

hang in there girl, this too shall pass and you'll find your center again. remember that you ARE stronger than you think


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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labug Offline OP
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Thanks, zig. I just have to sort this out. As I said, I'm in a very emotional place and feeling very sorry for myself because I want what I can't have, and maybe never did.

I am grateful for:
the beautiful day today
spending the day with a lovely family who welcomed a new son into their lives, and shared food with me
my home
my sons
the dog who welcomes me home every night, even tho I'm not that crazy about him smile
the people here


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 335
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The gratitude thing is great. One of my wayward wife's legitimate complaints was that I had been pretty negative. Now granted I'm in a better work situation which makes it easier to be positive about things, but I've also been practicing being consciously grateful for the good things. Even small good things. My counselor even gave me a journal to that end - the idea being to write down five things every day. It's helped me through the separation and pending dissolution, and made me a more enjoyable person to be around.


Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12
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labug Offline OP
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In the good weeks when I seem to have the world by the tail, I tend to forget the basics.

Exercise
Yoga
Meditation
Gratitude
Doing for others without expectations

Thanks, Kolja!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,855
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zig Offline
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A Daily Prayer

I want to know the fullness of who I am, so guide me closer in every step today to a fuller recognition of what I've been asking for and who I really am.
______________________________________________________________________________

Love others in their uniqueness and try to manage them not at all

And Love yourself in your uniqueness and try to conform not at all
______________________________________________________________________________

Today, no matter where I'm going , no matter what I'm doing , it is my dominant intent to please myself, to be good to me.

I am going to soothe myself into a good feeling place. I am going to look for ways to soothe myself.

I'm going to leave behind things that don't feel good - thoughts, relationships, stuff. I'm going to declutter my experience, my relationships, declutter my mind.

I'm going to leave that not good feeling stuff behind.

I'm going to think less often of that thought that puts a knot in the pit of my stomach.

I'm going to be nicer to me.

I'm going to let the relationship with myself be the only thing that matters to me.

It's time for me to chill and stop trying so hard about so many things and let life be good to me as it is supposed to be.

______________________________________________________________________________

You don't wrestle the unwanted into the ground, you just leave it behind, you let it just fade into the vibrational distance...
______________________________________________________________________________

Here are a few things from my most recent arsenal. I read them or say them to myself several times a day - and they are really effective. they are from ester hicks - Law of attraction.

double triple hug

zig


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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Posts: 1,711
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Hey Bug, just checking in to let you know you are in my thoughts tonight! Tomorrow will be a better day for you.

Pat the dog on the head and scratch his neck. He'll love you for it and you can't buy that kind of gratitude!


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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