Actually your H is pretty easy to figure out. Keep your communications to a minimum. However when you do see him, make sure you dress and smell incredible. When you talk to him, act as if he really doesn't matter and that you've moved on. Make every meeting something that will stay on his mind. His ego will take care of the rest.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
H still continues to sleepover at OW's. I'm bugged. Just venting.
Sometimes I feel like I'm an idiot for wanting him back. And I know nothing is really going to happen unless I really start to detach completely. Or file. I envision myself really detaching from him and if it weren't for my kids, I think I would be totally fine with it.
However, the kid factor makes it a whole lot more complicated and not as easy to just say "enough!"
It's funny how he says he just needs time to do so... so does that mean you just need time to continue having sex with your girlfriend? You just can't stop? I am in a serious mess. I don't see how this is going to be turned around in a good way. I am 9 months into this separation and I'm still feeling like I'm starting from square one. Very frustrating!
They've been having their PA for a good 5 months now, so do I wait it through? When I think about him having to cut off all ties from her, including quitting his job... I just don't see that happening. And if he can't leave that job then I will always wonder what the hell is going on at work and I shouldn't have to do that. I may very well end up being the one that's miserable in our R. Hard reality to face.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
JK I have no wise words of wisdom for you. I just wanted you to know that someone was listening.
I will say this though...having small kiddies is not the only reason you are waiting this through. My children are grown, my H is a serious serial cheater, and liar, BUT I still have not filed. Why??? Because I finally figured out that I needed to work on ME. Even though I did not cause him to cheat, there were obvious reasons he felt he needed to. Until I work on me, there is no reason to do anything. He is going to do what he wants, and he does, and I have moments of nirvana where I don't care. I am not there yet to where it is all the time, but its moving that way.
JK if things are meant to be with your H, then he will do whatever it takes to get back with you. I can tell you that going dark does work.....I have broken ALL contact with H and it tries every now and then to communicate. I am not sure how I feel about him, or if I could ever forgive all he has done, so for now, I am concentrating heavily on me, until I can what I want and need.
I know you still love your H.....its sad but we probably all do on here. And God knows my H has done things, and is still doing things that are cruel and hurtful. What keeps me going is remembering that he is the father of my 2 fantastic children, and that at one time, he was a wonderful husband to me. I will not become bitter and cruel and react to the things he is choosing to do at this moment.
Please keep your chin up, know that the rainbow always comes after the storm, and all will work out.....
I am with you. I keep thinking that they have only been "friends" for maybe 4-5 months and the "PA" has maybe been going for 3-4 months. It's discouraging. It's heartbreaking. But just keep in mind they are not thinking clearly. And even though my H doesn't want to be married to me any longer, he sure isn't letting me get very far.
Also please note that last night at our parenting class, the last item the speaker addressed was dating too soon after the divorce. She explained that when we are in a long marriage, we become intertwined and become a team, no longer two individuals. When we split or divorce, we go back to being individuals, but part of us is missing so we need to take time to rediscover who we are as individuals and repair ourselves, otherwise we just carry baggage into the next relationship which is destined to fail. (I saw H wanted to just fall through the floor). So we are doing the work we need to do while our WAH's are just setting themselves up for misery.
I hope that makes you feel a bit better. It worked for me.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Also please note that last night at our parenting class, the last item the speaker addressed was dating too soon after the divorce. She explained that when we are in a long marriage, we become intertwined and become a team, no longer two individuals. When we split or divorce, we go back to being individuals, but part of us is missing so we need to take time to rediscover who we are as individuals and repair ourselves, otherwise we just carry baggage into the next relationship which is destined to fail. (I saw H wanted to just fall through the floor). So we are doing the work we need to do while our WAH's are just setting themselves up for misery.
I hope that makes you feel a bit better. It worked for me.
Thank you, W&H. It is very true. I do feel better about myself knowing that I'm not seeking out happiness through others. Which was one of H's complaints about me from the beginning. So it's quite comical that he is now seeking out happiness through this OW. And the fact that he's still so confused as to what he wants is telling me that he hasn't found true happiness.
Just like he said in his text, "I'm trying to find myself."
I'm realizing that I need to stop trying to look in to the future and trying to figure out how this is all going to play out. That can tear a person down quickly because there's just no way to see it for what it really is and you easily start to see the worst in it.
Still really bugged that he's continuing to be with her every chance he gets. Sometimes I wish I were a fly on the wall, so I could hear what he says to her. I wonder if she knows he's thinking the things that he's been telling me lately. She couldn't have possibly thought that her R with him was really going to last forever.
They are blinded right now... just waiting for reality. Seems like it's already starting to set in even just a little. I may be seeing H today at my S4's pre-school program. So we'll see how that goes.
I love my life!! LOL!
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Jks - I know exactly what you're going through. But let me tell you this...your H has to go through this. It [censored] that he's going through it with the skank, though. (My personal favorite name for my H's OW. LOL)
He is blinded right now. Which is why you have to focus on you, and being the best you that you can be. Mr. Bond has it right...
Originally Posted By: MrBond
Actually your H is pretty easy to figure out. Keep your communications to a minimum. However when you do see him, make sure you dress and smell incredible. When you talk to him, act as if he really doesn't matter and that you've moved on. Make every meeting something that will stay on his mind. His ego will take care of the rest.
I've done this almost everyday for most of the last 5 months. I promise you...they notice.
I know how you feel. Just can't believe H would replace me so quickly. But H said he's trying to sort out his head and find happiness.
I wish he would have just bought a motorcycle.
You and me both!!
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
