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Maggie3 Offline OP
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WH- I'd suggest it even with no family history of depression. It's very interesting.


Me-32
H-31
M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs
No kids, 3 pets
H estranged father passes away- 8/11
Bomb- 1/15/12
Began LRT- 4/1/12
Joined: May 2012
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Maggie,

I am kind of in the same position. My H--who left a month ago--loved our dogs more than anything in the world. His MLC, if that's what it is, I truly believe, was triggered by our dog's death three years ago. The fact he could walk away from the dogs he loved so much really showed me that something was really wrong in his head. There is no way he would have done that.

WofP

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Thanks for mentioning that book. I know I read it last year when H started asking for a D, but didn't think he was suffering from depression at the time, so I probably skipped over that. I plan to head to the library and read through it one more time.


M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13
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Maggie3 Offline OP
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Does anyone know of good threads that explain WAH's more?? I've found the support thread for WAS but was looking more for one that explains the mindset more, why they say the things they do, etc.


Me-32
H-31
M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs
No kids, 3 pets
H estranged father passes away- 8/11
Bomb- 1/15/12
Began LRT- 4/1/12
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
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^^I'd be interested in that, too.

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Have you actually read DR or DB? That explains things pretty well.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Maggie3 Offline OP
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I read DR and most of DB but I guess I'd rather read those types of threads with real people, conversations had, what worked vs what didn't.


Me-32
H-31
M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs
No kids, 3 pets
H estranged father passes away- 8/11
Bomb- 1/15/12
Began LRT- 4/1/12
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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That's just the point. Everyone's case is different. Did you actually write out the list of things you need changing and then writing out a solution for each? I would suggest doing that first.

While it's great reading other people's posts, the only situation that matters in the end is yours.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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My H told me he was happy even when I knew he wasn't then months later didn't call it depression but admitted that he had been in "an emotional funk" for months maybe years. Reading that how to improve book really makes me see all the reasons why....

use the search function to search WAH and you might find some info...but yes there is no recipe. Your sitch is yours alone. However reading other's insights can be helpful!

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Maggie3 Offline OP
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I did make my list of 180s but they are difficult to put into action since I have no communication with my husband other than occasional email which ONLY deal with home maintenance issues. Still, when I do email him I will try to give a compliment and be positive, ie "The grass looks really good, thanks for cutting it. Hope you are doing well" . Since that is about it in terms of our communication there isn't much more for me to show him I'm doing 180's. His complaints about me during "the bomb" were so crazy, contradictory, etc that I don't even know how to do 180's regarding them. One minute it was I'm too dependent, the next minute I'm too independent. So I am just doing 180's on things that I don't really like about myself.

I am trying to take Ben's advice and practice my 180's on others...but that is difficult because I don't generally argue with anyone else and that was what my 180's are around. This morning while talking with my mom who was upset at one of my uncle's I gave her a suggestion which would be a 180 from her usual behavior (and also my own with my H). Also after reading about shaming in males I am trying to discipline/encourage my male students in different ways.

I was looking more for the WAH strands for reinforcement....seeing on a thread that when my H said he "never loved me" was a typical script and not really a reflection of our relationship honestly made me feel about 1,000,000,000 times better. And for more ideas on how to improve our relationship. While our situation is obviously unique I notice it has many similarities to other situations.


Me-32
H-31
M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs
No kids, 3 pets
H estranged father passes away- 8/11
Bomb- 1/15/12
Began LRT- 4/1/12
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