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kenva Offline OP
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The good thing i guess, is that I have their support, which makes me feel like, ok, Im not a bad person. I have been out before and she has never known where I was. She never would ask, and I dont offer her any info.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
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I guess I just worry that this won't get you where you want to go. I know when I was a WAW if one of my family members even slightly said "is there no chance ?" I would get really angry and feel like everyone was piling up against me. It's not logical or rational. Just to say when you're in that frame of mind you're really determined.
I think it's great that you still have a relationship. I love my MIL so much and it's sad that we don't see as much of each other. But I also know that he'd just feel beaten into submission of his family said you really ought to give her another chance.

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Agree with Brit

WAW's toss any relationships with people that disagree, and get closer to the people that enable them. You can see evidence of that all over this board. That's why they call it the divorcee club, they get together and get each other drunk and "have fun at the bar until 2 am" to prove to themselves and each other that they made the right decision.

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And you know what GB that's what made it SO hard for me when I had that realization that we could/should have saved things...because I felt cut off from anyone that might understand. Everyone was black and white except my sister and when I emailed her she said I am so proud of what you've just emailed me. It takes a mature person to look to reconsider a decision and say I may have been wrong. It comes down to keeping that road home paved clean or whatever.

You aren't a bad person!! You are a wonderful person! I bet your kids think you're the best thing since sliced bread! I know you're questioning everything about yourself and it's easy for your self esteem to feel non existent. My IC gave me a list of things I could do to feel good about myself and build SE. Some seemed silly "strike up a convo with a stranger" but it worked. I asked a market seller about her art when before I'd just kind of look and walk off before they could sell me anything. Stepping out your comfort will work wonders to make you feel better.

(((((HUGS))))

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GB and Brit, your info on WAW stone walling are massively insightful. I am wondering if the GAL to breakdown the wall has to be substantially unpredictable, or something previously discussed with WAW but never accomplished?


H 34 W 27
M 9mth T 8
Separated 1/'12 ILYBNILWY
OM 2/'12
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Hi kenva, you've been quiet...how did Mother's Day weekend go?

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kenva Offline OP
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Well, she went to north carolina about an hour and a half away to go to the beach, My son and I went to the carnival Fri afternoon and on Sat with my inlaws all day. She called me Sat afternoon, we were still down there, and said she can come home early to be with our son if I wanted to go out. Well, I told her I went out Fri night and took him to my parents house to spend the night. Kinda threw her off there. She came home Sun morning, had plans to go to lunch w her mother and son, and they went back to carnival. When she came home, she was kinda cold.I did notice one night last week, I came home around 10, told her I was going to be late, she had left the light on going upstairs.She had done that a couple of times.Don't know where thats going.It's been about 2 weeks now that she took our taxes to see if she can refinance the house on her own, nothing has been said about it since.I have not worn my wedding ring now for 2 days, to see if she will notice.Anyway, still fustrating, I try to be upbeat around her, and I am making plans for myself this weekend.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 214
K
kenva Offline OP
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I did give her a mothers day card from me and my son one. She said thank you for the cards, and said she really liked the one our son gave her. She knows I picked it out.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 685
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Fuzzybear
Not to derail the thread to much but the answer is yes and yes. On the one hand you do want to do those things that you always talked about. It shows that you are changing and may even make her wonder if it was her the one that was holding you back.

You also want to be unpredictable, I think WAW's for all their bravado and stubbornness usually want to believe that should they change their mind they can always come back (no matter how atrocious their behavior). This way they have a safety net, and if their new lifestyle of love doesn't pan out then they can always return. Being dependable ironically gives her the security to venture out and leave.

If you were a pushover to begin with and this made you unattractive it'll just make things worse. So changing it up will let her know that her safety net may be here today, and gone tomorrow. Which puts you in a better position where she to start having second doubts.

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kenva Offline OP
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Last week, my mother inlaw kind of went off on my wife. She told me, she doesnt know how I can keep all my feelings in about the realtionship and not bring it up to my wife. She said she couldnt hold out. She told her mother for the first time that we were separated ( not legally ).I knew something was eating her up that night because she was really cold to me.Was this a good or bad thing? I did notice over the weekend she cleaned up the house and rearanged the photo closet we have.It has also been 3 weeks since she took our taxes to the mortgage com to see if she qualifies to buy out the house.


M 43
W 35
S 6
BD 7-11
Served 5-2-13
Sep agree signed 5-12-14
Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14
Divorce hearing set May 2
Divorced May 2
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