finally fell asleep last night. woke up to a empty house. gonna have to get used to that. havent contacted W. she txt me a few times about "kid" stuff. replied shortly. hard to do but i did it. i pick up my kids after work. that will be nice. her mom is still in town, so i dont expect to hear much from her. hopefully she will watch the kids on t and w so i can go to my meetings. i really wish i had a sitter. or even knew how to find one. it is hard being new to a town and knowing no one
Don't respond to every text she sends you. It's okay to not watch the phone. In terms of a sitter, c'mon that's easy. Talk to your friends or acquaintances. Or go to a church and get recommendations. That's the easiest part.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
i do not watch my phone. when i check the time i see a txt. i respond to some not to all. its hard but gettin easier. finding a sitter around here has been very difficult. anyone who has done it before wont now. W made me out to be a demon to everyone.oh well.
i called her just a minute ago. S left his ballcap there and needs it for his game tonight. she tried to say im trying to find excuses to go to her house. i am not. that is actually the last place i want to go. she kept trying to argue with me. i told her its not true, she knows it and hung up. she is probably pissed and i dont care. im sick of being talked to like that. it is not happening anymore.
bond- i am trying to do that now. i had 9 sessions with a IC in feb and march. he basically told me there was no point to him seeing me anymore. he thought i was doing what i needed to do. if my W wasnt really willing to work on things it was pointless. i went there for me. we concetrated on me gor 6 sessions. then W came for 1 at his request. she told him how horrible i am. thats when we started talking about my marriage. W went to see him 1 time by herself and never went back. she said he was stupid amd didmt know anything. maybe she was right. idk. either way he helped me see stuff about myself i didnt want to look at. im glad i went. been thinking about going back. im not sure though. im kinda really liking where my aa meetings are taking me.
ok..so i want to get this off my chest. my W mom is in town "helping" her get settled. she was here on saturday helping her move. she told my D5 that "daddy is angry all the time. he has to work on that". not the truth at all. i told her if she was going to talk that way about me to my kids, she could leave. she said i was "threatening" her. thats where my W gets it from i guess. then tonight she comes to S9's baseball game. completely rude to me. i didnt say anything. when it was time to go, D5 starts crying, saying she wants to go with mommy. i told her i know, but she has to come with me. then D5 says i hate you daddy. MIL says "its ok to hate him. you can feel however you want". i wanted to throw up. i didnt say anything. W acted like nothing happened. D cried all the way home. i told her its ok to be sad. daddy loves you and always will. she fell asleep on my lap after a story. it wasnice.
i am really mad at MIL. i dont feel that she has any place to talk like that. it really hurt.
HB - choosing the proper time, place and words to express boundaries is so critical. When you make bad choices in this regard the effects are ugly.
Next time, when there is a boundary that needs to be established or enforced, calmly pull the person aside, away from the conflict and express your views and expectations for the future. Keep your emotions in check and work through the issue at hand.
The last thing you want if for the kids to be brought into the middle of things. Protect them at all cost.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
You can't control people, least of all W and MIL. You can't control what they say to D. You can discuss with them, at a neutral time, what you believe to be in the best interest of D. You can discuss with D, at her level, that sometimes MIL feels mad at you, and that's OK, but that you all love D very much, just like you did.
"It's ok to hate your dad" is pretty harsh to hear, but I doubt it will really affect your D - "I hate you" is pretty normal tantrum stuff for kids and they don't really mean it, they mean they're mad at you. Just keep loving her.
The more angry and controlling you try to be with w and mil, I think the more it will backfire for you. The more reasonable you can appear in spite of their provocation, I think, the better position you'll be in.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
thats why today i chose to say nothing. how i acted before, i am embarrassed of. thats why i chose to talk to my D, just me and her. i can choose to do what is right. i have no control over others, only myself. if they want to be hateful that is their decision. life isnt much fun when you are full of hate. i know this personally. i almost feel sorry for MIL. almost.
