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Yup I do know.

Actually, I only had the book the first time around (1998). Not sure if the boards existed then...

Lessons learned the hard way...

Seems to be the human way though LOL.



"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
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I'm just now coming up for air after a week plus on the road working. A lot of time was driving and I listened to my set of Pia Mellody tapes over and over (I was also going through areas with few or no radio stations.)

P sent email on Tuesday, inquiring whether Monday's snow had prevented my departure. She called this morning (after several unsuccessful attempts to catch me yesterday - she had to work at it for quite some time before she got me.) We had a pleasant and lengthy chat, catching up on each other's week.

She's trying to find an apartment near a lake for the summer. She's trying to figure out if she can (or wants to) take advantage of a potential short term work gig sometime soon. She's researching opportunities for the winter (some things that we had talked about doing together.) She says, "I shouldn't say this, but maybe we could do that." She asks if I would want to. (It's awfully far in the future, but it's time to get the applications in.) I give a vaguely positive answer, saying that I'm always up for adventures. She says she'll submit the applications.

Before we hang up she tells me (more than once) that she's enjoyed talking to me.

After reading all that, you'd think that I'm focused on her every move. Really, I'm journaling in order to help me track what's happening.

Most of my time is spent focusing on the things I've identified that I need to do. Some of that is about GAL and taking care of myself. Some is about healing the parts of me that are broken and don't work properly in relationships.

I feel really good about a lot of things I'm doing. I'm enjoying things. Sometimes I'm thinking fond thoughts about P, sometimes I'm sad and missing her. Mostly the focus is on me. I'm trying to use this time wisely.

I had mentioned that I was giving myself a deadline of later this week to get the living room rearranged and a desk set up for myself. I'm on it!


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P - 59
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She left 4/2012
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SD!!!! OMG!!!! How the heck are you?

I just popped in this place a couple weeks ago for grins, and to help someone else out who resonates with me. I don't even question why, especially after a long, long time. Anyhoo...

Wow, so much growth. I remember the very painful times and this is such a joy to read for you:

Quote:
I feel really good about a lot of things I'm doing. I'm enjoying things. Sometimes I'm thinking fond thoughts about P, sometimes I'm sad and missing her. Mostly the focus is on me. I'm trying to use this time wisely.


You've really found a good place, my friend. It's good to see you approach this with wisdom and grace. You're all that and more.

Out of curiousity, how is her R with her kids? Has that improved any?

Hugs and kisses to you...

smile Betsey

p.s. I have reason to be out in your neck of the woods over the next 4 years. My D18 is heading to college in upstate NY and plans on visiting another friend who isn't terribly far from where you are. That friend's mom and I are good friends, and we're all trying to arrange times and places to rendezvous. The first stop is NYC in late October, as D18 is playing volleyball there in a tournament. You never know with me... grin


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

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Quote:
My initial threads were called, "Slow, but not stupid". So the obvious title for the new series was, "Wow, I really am stupid!" I mean, really, I should have known better. I do have to give myself some credit for doing some things better, but yeesh, to be in this same spot again... Kinda Groundhog Day, ya know?


BTW, you were never slow or stupid... just in pain.

Would it make you feel better to know I'm having to sit back on the sofa of discomfort (as H2H used to call it) with issues related to my own D? May marks 7 years since that was final, and now I'm back to addressing some of this crap all over again? WTF? Only now I have an adult daughter who is going through her own issues with her dad and I'm having to help her navigate, only to find out what I thought I'd figured out was just scabbed over. Darn it.

So don't feel bad.. just move over on the sofa. You bring the chutney and I'll bring the crackers...


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

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Betsey!

Lovely to hear from you. You are too kind. And you darned well better let me know if you're going to be in the neighborhood!

I'm giving myself a chuckle tonight, as I do periodically, by remembering how you learned to always wear business attire when flying for business.

BTW, this is a different P who has good Rs with her adult kids.

Off to bed...

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Betsey! Hey girl!
It's Old Home Week!

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Hey ladies! It sure is. Found myself struggling with some post D issues and thought I'd check in Surviving to see what was happening there that could give me food for thought... and so here I am.

SD, I will definitely let you know! D18 is going to be near Rochester a lot, as well as over the Schenectady way too. I am going to have some serious volleyball withdrawal next fall so I might have to be resorting to being the sports version of a crack addict to get a fix. grin

Right now I couldn't wear business attire anywhere! I turned 50 and got shingles a few days later. They hurt! So I've been wearing sweats to work. Isn't that so lame?

I realized that it is a different P after I sent it. It's just that you called the other one P too and I get initials stuck in my head.

BTW, I'm not too kind... you're just harder on yourself than you need to be. Must be a woman thing. frown

Take care and keep musing. I miss you!

smile Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

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Hard day today, and the mantra I've come up with after reading some other threads tonight: This stuff is really hard, but I'm worth it!

P called this morning to ask my advice about some potential problems with an apartment she's looking at. Then I was her sounding board and cheerleader as she talked about her confusion about what she wants to do next and where she wants to be. (None of these options had anything to do with proximity to me.)

I know that she needs to get away and figure herself out. I see that. I support it. I'm trying to use my time well. I can only hope she does the same. We never did have any control over our partners, but the knowing it and feeling it... It's terrifying.

And how is it that whatever we fear the most is exactly what we have to do? Whatever is the hardest thing - yup, that, too.

Pia says, "Hug your demons or they'll bite you in the ass."

I'm sitting with my discomfort, feeling my grief and fears today, plotting how to be a cheerful and productive Amazon tomorrow.

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I was reading an old thread today.

This one
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...6883#Post356883

and saw your name so I thought I would post it here.

I had some posts to Wonka last year and since she went through her own crisis I find it interesting to read her perspective.
Anyways no advice for the moment but I was driving by so I thought I would stop and post. smile smile smile


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Hey Cadet, thanks for stopping by. You're quite the archeologist to dig up those old threads! I took a peek. Yup, there I was, telling Wonka to buck up and get with the program.

It's so much easier to see someone else's situation clearly. Last time around I don't know that I ever achieved detachment. I know I felt like I could never see things clearly in my own situation.

This time, I feel like I have a loving detachment most of the time. It seems like a gift more than anything I did. Sometimes I think it means that I've evolved along the way (and sometimes I wonder if post-menopausal calming of the hormones isn't a better explanation). Whatever. I'll take it.

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