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#2247282 - 05/21/12 10:31 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: ThisDayForward]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9821
Well this is my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.

Don't move back in. At least not yet. I would suggest telling her that while you are not worried about your commitment to get things working, you definitely want to find out what went wrong the first time so that you have a happier and stronger marriage and life together than ever.

In order to do that, suggest C or a program like DB counseling or Retrouvaille. Whatever you choose, tell her that the two of you will be doing it together hand in hand. No blaming or fault. And that it takes two to get it to work and to get rid of the fears and insecurities.

If she balks at that, then tell her that you are not willing to move back in.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2247298 - 05/21/12 11:07 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: MrBond]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 710
Loc: South Dakota
bond-

that is spot on

net-

good luck. keep moving forward. obviously its working!
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


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#2247338 - 05/22/12 07:15 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Yup. I am going to suggest that to her. This one is more Christian based:

http://www.familylife.com/events

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#2247463 - 05/22/12 03:29 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: ThisDayForward]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9821
Look up Joe Beam. He's supposed to be really good and has techniques very similar to DB.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2247852 - 05/23/12 03:23 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: MrBond]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9821
So what's the latest?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2248194 - 05/24/12 12:56 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: MrBond]
Dory Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/12
Posts: 75
Loc: West Coast Canada
Wow, Net.

I'm away from the boards for a few days and look at what happens.

Ummm, details please!

Please, please, please proceed with extreme caution!

I know it's not something you want to hear but I've got to agree with Mr. Bond. I'm not sure if you moving back home right now is a good idea. I can't help but worry that you're stepping into a snake pit of sorts. Things between you and your W have yet to stabilize and both of you are still clearly holding onto a lot of resentment and hostility towards one another. It's a dangerous mix. I guess my apprehension is that since none of this is resolved that it will inevitably explode in your face, making it not only devistating for you but also very confusing for your kids.

Please be careful, Net. I don't want to see you get hurt anymore than you already have been.

I really do hope I'm wrong.

What does your C say about this?
_________________________
M:36 WAH:41
M:16 T:17
D:12 SS:21
Bomb: IDLY 10/29/11
Separated same day, about an hour after the bomb.

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#2249565 - 05/29/12 06:25 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: Dory]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Net, check in. Let us know how you're doing...
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2257215 - 06/25/12 11:24 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: RoRoinMD]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Ok its been 5 weeks since I've lived at home. It is very strange. My wife is really trying. The difficult part for me is we have NOT talked about anything. I've moved back home and we just starting to carry on life as is.

It has been ok. I really want to talk to her more about how she thinks things are going. I do her initial motivation for having me back home was for the kids. I'm hoping that will not be the long term factor because we both know that won't work.

Sorry I fell off the face of the planet but all of this is a huge toll on me.

I would say overall things have been ok but I don't know to start discussions with her on stuff

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#2257216 - 06/25/12 11:38 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: ThisDayForward]
Harrier Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/10
Posts: 781
Loc: Connecticut
Net,

I am about 4 months ahead of you. I am kinda in the same boat about how to talk to my W at times.

What do you want to talk to her about? About the status of things I mean clearly she's in the house to so she's not blind as to what's going on.

You haven't given a lot of detail about what life @ home is like. Are you sleeping the same bed? are you intimate? in what ways? how does she treat you? do you spend time alone together?

From there you can base on what you want to talk about.

My W and I had a couple conversations about this. She always says this about starting conversations "You just have to." To my W, these conversations are also about rebuilding intimacy.

If you do bring things up, I'd be positive. I'd try to pick good times to talk - when you are both running out the door, or she is stressed or the kids are running around - are clearly not good times.

maybe you could started with a quick comment like "Hey, I just wanted to......" then leave it at that. Make it short to the point. if you want something from her be clear and direct. Tell you you don't want an answer right away, but to think on it.

just some thoughts.
_________________________
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau.

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#2257222 - 06/25/12 11:54 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: Harrier]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
We do sleep in the same bed and yes we are intimate. We have 2 kids ages 3 and 6 that tend to end up in our bed a lot. So on those nights I sleep in a different room.

I guess just curious if she is happy the way things are going. I know when i first initially moved back she felt uneasy and said she felt pressured to do it for the kids, her mother, and grandparent.

Even though we are intimate and things on the outside appear to be going great (and I sincerely mean this) my wife is the master of masking stuff.

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