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#2245848 - 05/16/12 10:07 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: ~ kd ~]
labug Online   content
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7791
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
oh darn, no edit:

"you feel that way about" : I honour and appreciate those are your feelings, not mine.

I specifically put inflection on "that way" because it keeps the feelings on the sender, not the receiver. In other words, it is an offer to indicate that the receiver is not attempting to own or understand the feelings of the sender, but rather validating that the sender has "those" feelings... what ever they might be...


This one.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2245863 - 05/16/12 11:37 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: labug]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
I think it is with the inflection, so if done in writing one would need to use a format that allows for it:

"I understand how you feel that way about (insert topic)."

Which, if responded to with a "You do NOT know HOW I feel", is followed up with:

+ "Yes, that is correct. I do appreciate that our opinions differ."

I know some would say that is over analyzing it, but in all fairness to NM, I believe he needs to approach and process it this way for it to sink in.

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#2246448 - 05/18/12 02:57 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: ~ kd ~]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
busy weekend with family wish me luck, strength, courage, and a sealed mouth

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#2246550 - 05/18/12 08:00 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Wife started complaining of headache. I grabbed kids and told her to have a good night. She bought me cologne cuz she didn't like the way mine smells (sensitive to smells after 2nd child) We spent a few hours together.

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#2246577 - 05/18/12 10:12 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: ThisDayForward]
Dory Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/12
Posts: 75
Loc: West Coast Canada
Ya know, I wonder if the WAS's even realize the mixed signals they send out...

Seriously Net, the cologne thing baffles me. I mean, if she wants nothing to do with you, then what does it matter to her if your cologne is appealing?

I'd take it as a positive sign.

Good luck this weekend! And I mean this in the nicest way possible: keep your yap shut! wink
_________________________
M:36 WAH:41
M:16 T:17
D:12 SS:21
Bomb: IDLY 10/29/11
Separated same day, about an hour after the bomb.

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#2246663 - 05/19/12 11:03 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: Dory]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Cologne was for her only. Sensitive to smells so I didn't get to excited. Last night she was flirting with me via txt and almost came over. But then said "I'm not ready yet" whatever that means

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#2246668 - 05/19/12 11:57 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: ThisDayForward]
Dory Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/12
Posts: 75
Loc: West Coast Canada
I don't know if I agree, Net. Of course you know your W best but from a woman's perspective I see it differently.

I completely understand the sensitivity to smells thing. I had wicked bad morning, noon and night sickness when I was expecting D12 and still to this day some things will turn my stomach. Usually cooking smells, though.

But cologne is a personal item. I just think about it's purpose - to attract & be noticed. If I found the cologne of a man I had no romantic investment in offensive, say a coworker or my brother, I would simply explain my sensitivity to it and ask them to refrain from wearing it around me. I certainly wouldn't be making a point of going out and buying them a scent I found pleasing. Let me put it to you this way: Let's say a number of years ago, when you and your W were happily M, your W came home with a bottle of Dolce & Gabbana and said it was for the guy in the next cubicle in her office, wouldn't you have a bit of a WTH reaction?

I can only speak of my own experience and I can say with absolute certainty that if I had bought cologne for someone other than my H, he would be extremely suspicious of my motivations. And I'd think he'd have very good reason to be.

Just my $0.02.
_________________________
M:36 WAH:41
M:16 T:17
D:12 SS:21
Bomb: IDLY 10/29/11
Separated same day, about an hour after the bomb.

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#2246692 - 05/19/12 01:48 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: Dory]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Dory what does it mean when WAs says they are not ready yet to come over for u know what. That happened last night through flirting txt

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#2246699 - 05/19/12 02:24 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: ThisDayForward]
Dory Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/12
Posts: 75
Loc: West Coast Canada
It means she's not ready to have sex with you. grin

Who knows, it could be for any number of reasons. It could be something as simple as that she's just not in the mood, it could be that she fears resuming a sexual relationship at this point would just complicate matters even further.

It's probably best not to mind read though. Just take it at face value.
_________________________
M:36 WAH:41
M:16 T:17
D:12 SS:21
Bomb: IDLY 10/29/11
Separated same day, about an hour after the bomb.

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#2246700 - 05/19/12 02:29 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 11 [Re: Dory]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2593
Loc: VA
I think the 'yet' is meaningful. She's either thinking about it or stringing you along. Still better not to mindread.
_________________________
Adinva 47 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

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