Re: Recently Seperated Part 11

[Harrier]

What about the rings? Does she wear them now? Honestly, what is to be gained by asking her about the rings?

Does asking her about the rings now show her you are focusing on the future?

as for the OM. Have you talked about it at all? In my case, my W had a 3-4 EA. I have not brought it up to her in over a year. it really does no good...unless you think there is something going on now.

[Harrier]

In one of your first posts you said.

"She said I'm controlling and have trouble letting certain things go."

Think about that.

[ThisDayForward]

Kd I still have urges to snoop. Even with lots of counseling work. Not sure if it is because we do not communicate etc

[~ kd ~]

The urge may never go away.

It may forever be you making an active choice about what to do about that urge.

[ThisDayForward]

I know mr b is a fan of snooping but the first time I did it gave me extreme anxiety.

But I hate that we don't talk at all about our marriage

[MrBond]

I'm not necessarily a big fan of snooping. I believe initially it's good to gather your information to see what you're up against. For example, if the WAS is having sex with the OP, you should know ahead of time so you can protect yourself physically. Plus if you find out that your WAS bought the OP a car, you know you better start closing off your financial assets to them because in the end you'll lose out.

However, when you start snooping just to see the daily dirt and it gets obsessive, that's when all snooping does is to erode your self-esteem.

[ThisDayForward]

Is there a chapter that covers validation in detail

[Harrier]

Net...I don't say this to be a jerk.

But did you read DB? because it seems as if a lot of your questions are covered by the book.

[ThisDayForward]

I did read it and will read the second version again. I just don't remember a specific chapter on validation . I remember one small section

[roughenough]

I have read your thread. I know it sounds like you and W have a lot to work on however I am so happy for you and your family! I am actually a bit jealous. I truly hope you and your W do everything possible to make it the best Marriage ever. It’s also really nice to see that you received some great support and excellent advise from this site. Some of the people on this site are truly amazing. I know there’s the DB suggestions however every sitch is different. . Maybe I missed it but coming from a newcomer, what were some of the most pivotal things you did that helped kick start the reconciliation process?


Me(M):37
W:42
T: 14
M: 11
S: 8
D: 4
W wanted separation 5/5
Stopped living together 5/5
Currently in DB stage

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”.
Thomas Jefferson