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She sure moved out quickly on the apt. I find it very interesting that 1) she hadn't begun to pack; 2)she just mentioned the apt. that is across the state line; and 3)did she even "hear" you when you advised her to speak to her lawyer about the state line issue regarding custody issues?

I find it hard to believe that they had an apt. that quickly, but it's been a long time since I rented one...I just find this all very odd.

However, leave the monster at the door this weekend and enjoy your time w/your little one.


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Apparently W moved in to her new apt. on Friday, not monday. Then she tells me that she would like me to go through our stuff anf take what I would like from her storage (after she said she wouldn't need storage after all).

It seems like she can't get her stories straight.

I had a beautiful weekend with D1 and played the whole time. STBXW and IL has D1 for lunch on Sunday for 2 hours, which I didn't mind because I had errands to run. STBXW asked me the night before to come with to lunch, even calling me "hun", but I respectfully declined. I feel real uncomfortable around the IL right now. They are starting to seem really phony to me.

Now STBXW is inviting me to check out her apartment next week and swim in their pool. I really don't want to do it right now, so I probably won't. I am working on detaching and GALing more.

So that was my week. Just sitting on the curb and watching her spin. I am starting to wonder if I should post her anymore, as it appears she may not be MLC, but just the Queen of the Drama Queens.


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TM,
She's in crisis because she's flip flopping all over the place. She can't remember what she's told you and that's starting to make her look a bit like a drama queen, but that doesn't excuse the fact that she needs to grow up and accept responsibility for her actions.

My sense of the situation, from your posting, is that she doesn't know how to pull you back into the dance. First she is crying about a place to live, you agree to allow her to move in and then magically she has a new place and moves on Friday. Now she's wanting you to go through stuff and take whatever you would like. The final bait trap is inviting you over to see her new place and swim in the pool. She's trying ever angle to get you interested in what she's doing and you aren't biting. She can't figure out why you aren't jumping through hoops to be w/her. BTW, she's not done trying.

I'm glad you had a great time w/the little one. I'm sure you did lots of fun things. I understand what you mean about the ILs.

Keep up the good work!


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When I said Queen of the Drama Queens, I meant that this is nothing new. She has always been like that since I knew her, but now it is like she is trying to make drama by making really bad choices.

I now realize the strong possibility that she may have a Histrionic personality or many traits. I don't believe that will ever change.

I agree that she needs to grow up. I have been saying this since day one that I met her. I guess I figured that she would grow up over time especially once things got more serious. I guess so far I was wrong. But that is only in the matter of MY timeline, not hers or what is going to be, if ever. I have accepted that now.


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It is a strong possibility that she does have the histrionic personality. She is exhibiting a few of the traits, but are they more pronounced now that she's in crisis? Do you recall if something happened to her as a child or young adult? Are her parents the type of people that didn't pay her any attention or affirmation?

Miracles do happen and who knows...living on her own w/o you there to rescue her, just might be what she needs.


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That's exactly it Snod. She was always the "fat" sister who syas that her little sister (track star, graduate school grad., etc) was always her parent's favorite. Whether this is perceived or real is not important I guess because it is her reality.

She has acted very childlike when she would not get what she wanted (slaming doors, pouting, etc). She even was having a fit during her sister's wedding, probably because it overshadowed her pregnancy, and basically feigned sickness to not be at the reception (and she was the maid of honor!)

I think that some of her childishness is coming out even more, but I also see times she is very responsible, or at least acts like she is.

She even said during her last visit that she was a little jealous when she heard her sister was pregnant (which is now a miscarriage) because she can't have anymore children. The claim about not being able to have more children is her claim, she has not been told that by a doctor.

I realized last night that our marriage was in trouble from day one because I was avoiding conflict and she would steamroll me with this type of behavior until I either gave in, or she would resent me for "not being caring."

I realize that I could always have room for improvement in the area of listening, but I think I shut off basically because this behavior was so intimidating/annoying/ frustrating to deal with. (not an excuse, just an explanation).


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Have you thought of trying to reward her good behavior? For example, if she is acting like a responsible adult maybe saying "wife, I think you did a great job with that". Sometimes we can help them just a bit by recognizing that they are in need of some attention. Just like a child, reward only good behavior or behavior that you feel is worthy of recognition.

There are some that like to stay in Peter Pan's world and I surely hope that she's not one of them.

Just my two cents worth this evening.


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I've got to keep coming back to the gastric bypass. It's well documented that some people, after bypass surgery, develop other addictions, like sex addictions or compulsive gambling. And even without that, gastric bypass can result in any number of vitamin deficiencies, which can cause depression or other mental illness. Does she get B12 shots, take lots of vitamins, do the things she ought to do to keep her nutrition sound? Has she had any tests of her vitamin status lately?

Then again, she might just have a personality disorder of some type. But in the setting of gastric bypass surgery, I'd sure wonder about a physiologic cause.

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For instance, here's the start of an article in Time a year ago: People who undergo gastric bypass surgery for weight loss have more than twice the risk of developing alcoholism, compared with those who have gastric banding surgery, preliminary research finds. This line of inquiry could shed new light on the causes of alcoholism — and how weight loss could prompt some people to switch from food addiction to substance misuse.

The new study, which relied on data from a Swedish health database and was presented at a recent meeting on digestive diseases, examined the records of 12,277 patients who had undergone obesity surgery between 1980 and 2006. They were compared to 122,270 people in the general population, matched for age and gender.

Researchers led by Dr. Magdalena Plecka Ostlund of the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm looked at treatments for psychiatric disorders before and after surgery. They found that obese patients were at greater risk for hospitalization for depression and other mood disorders both before and after surgery, compared with people in the general population. After surgery, the study found, patients’ risk of inpatient alcoholism treatment increased — but more so in a subset of patients. Those who had gastric bypass were 2.3 times more likely to require such care for alcoholism than those who had the banding procedure.

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KML,

I have also thought of that theory, but apparently MIL said she was acting like this before her gastric bypass. I am pretty sure her pregnancy raised some issues for her. She does have an addictive personality, I am sure of that.

As for vitamins, she claims that she takes them, but just like her anti-depressants, she never took them consistently when I was with her.


Snod-

I still praise her when she shows responsible behavior. Sadly, it seems like it is never enough for her though. She has even said that she knows she is messed up, but has no hope/motivation to do anything about it.

Last night was the first time in 3 weeks that I did not receive a text or call from her. It was actually a little refreshing, but I realized I was waiting for it to happened and was a little surprised when it didn't. Not dissappointed, just surprised.


M:35
W:33
M: 5 yrs.
Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12
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