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Joined: Jul 2011
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M:35
W:33
M: 5 yrs.
Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 330
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I had a rough week with staying off the rollercoaster of my feelings but I am feeling better. More of W's friends are coming out of the woodwork and telling me that she has went completely bonkers. At least I know now that it wasn't just me. I thought I must have lost touch with reality. I still had faults in our M and I did my best to explore and remedy the issues recently. I have learned a bit about myself since all this has started.

I have been keeping busy with my new job. It is nice to go home at 5pm and relax knowing that I am not expected to be responsible for taking care of client's actions 24/7 and that other people can handle the client's in crisis. I do care about them, don't get me wrong, but now I can work on me.

Just a note on how forgetful/fogged up the MLCer may be: My W announced that she plans on taking D1 to her parent's home over the 4th of July week for an entire week. What is apparently is not remembering is that we have a court date for divorce (which she filed for) on July 6 which is right in the middle of her vacation.

I am not going to remind her of the date because she is grown up and is responsible for herself. If she does not show up to court, it will definately be an indicator of her level of being able to be responsible and will probably make the custody issue a whole lot easier for me.

Well back to work for me! I got people to help.


M:35
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M: 5 yrs.
Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12
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This weekend was a hoot! First I got the pleasure of having ex-OM come to my workplace and eyeball me for most of my shift.
When I got home I asked God for a sign for what I should do. Should I go for full custody? Is W trustworthy? Not even 30 seconds after my prayer I got a text from STBXW.

She texted me telling me that her accountant (my MIL)told her that she would get all these tax breaks for having primary custody that I wouldn't get if I had it.

Then she informs me that she is going to put our child in a licensed daycare (without my consent mind you) because she claims that our daycare person and I are "drinking buddies." She tells me that the new daycare would "meet my high expecations". This is funny because I am fine with the daycare already provided. Daycare lady does a great job and D1 loves her. As for the drinking buddies claim, on Wed. nights I usually go out for my free burger and a beer at a local bar. I see friends there and talk. It so happens that one week the daycare lady came in with her friends and I chatted with her for 5 min. asking about D1's day. Now STBXW is making mountains out of molehills. The funny thing is that STBXW chose her as daycare in the first place. I want the best for my D1, but right now my money is stretched REALLY thin and the hike in daycare expense will break the bank.

After informing STBXW that OM was eyeballing me at work she said "well that's what you can expect for working at an unsavory place, you will come across unsavory people." This is the same woman that was living with this D-bag not 2 months ago!!! After realizing that STBXW had absolutely no care for my well being and that I cared for her's after her incident I decided that I can not trust her with anything, including our child's well being.

I texted her to not contact me unless it involved Sophie's care and that I was done with working on the relationship. I told her that any other communication can go to my lawyer.

The next day she texted about 10 time about dropping off D1 at my place, which we already had an agreed upon time.

Today I am going to my intial mediation meeting and then I will try to see my laywer to discuss my options with trying to obtain primary custody and possibly full custody.


M:35
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M: 5 yrs.
Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12
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Keep taking the high road. And I wouldn't believe anything aabout the taxes unless i heard it from an expert who isn't related to anyone of you!

I hope you get what you want!


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
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I got done having my pre-mediation mtg. today. Apparently mediator told me that STBXW was glowing in her report about me as a father and a guy overall. WTF??? She told the mediator that she just wants everything split 50/50 and that's it.

I told the mediator that I was open to 50/50 but am currently struggling with going for full custody based on the past safety issues. I felt like I sounded like a controlling jerk, nut I want my daughter to be safe. As I have stated many times, I think that STBXW is a good mom, but I question her judgement with the people she hangs around and with whom she exposes D1.

Now I feel like the A-hole. I am hurt. I feel used. STBXW got the baby she always wanted, a home full of furniture that in order for me to enjoy I basically have to buy it back, and her parent's admiration for getting married and having a child.
I hate to admit it but there are times I think that she was just using me to get away from her past life and now that she has what she wants she is throwing me away like a piece of used tissue.

I am angry at her for that and probably more so myself for letting it happen. I know now that I will not be able to be in a relationship for a very long time, because this ruined my trust in others as well as myself.


M:35
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Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12
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TM, while your W said nice things and it is possible that she is doing so to look good in the eyes of others and therefore possibly attempting to manipulate you either directly (guilt, because she is being "nice") or guilt (because others might think you are being a jerk)...

What you told the mediator is appropriate.

And the mediator will sift through info on both sides to determine if your request is warranted or not... but the end result is... a mediator does not judge, nor do they set the end results... a mediator is supposed to help work the two of you through to an agreement...

which is why in high conflict, mediation can sometimes fail...

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Today appears to be a brighter day so far. D1 is really beginning to learn quickly and is starting to string words and thoughts together. It melts my heart to hear her say "Tank you daddy and Feezy Pop Peeze." (Freezy pop please)

Yesterday when I picked her up from daycare she gave me the best and biggest hug I have ever received in my life. The kind where she clung tightly to my neck and wraped her whole little body around me and held on for almost 1 minute.

I am learning to enjoy the little time I have with her. It is a joy to be a witness to her world and how she sees things.

As for myself I am laying pretty low right now. I am finding that When I lay low, I get very creative and my guitar playing gets a whole lot better. So I am trying to use that time wisely.

Apparently according to mediator, the D can be finalized within a week or two of the mediation, so the D might be coming faster than I realized. I am slowly coming to terms with it. I am conflicted because on one hand I don't want the marriage to end, but on the other I want peace and at least this way I have something to back me up if she starts bickering over custody or money.

I still love STBXW very much but am starting to feel it is time to move on. I have very little hope for her and the path she has choosen. I only hope that D1 will not make the same decisions and will learn from this. I will do my best to be a good father and role model. That is all I can do at this point.


M:35
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M: 5 yrs.
Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12
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Keep up the good work! The most important thing in the world is the daughter and the gift of her love! Sounds like you understand that and take it serious!


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Joined: Jul 2011
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ARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

STBXW just informed me that the new daycare will start June 18 and they want 2 weeks payment up front. The cruddy thing is that I get paid on the 1st of the month and I will have to not only pay our current daycare lady my half of the bill, but also pay the new daycare. I am already basically living off of Ramen; and mac and cheese due to all of these dang bills from atty., collection agency (from STBXW not paying medical bills for D1), past taxes, rent, etc.

When I explained to STBXW that it is really going to be a struggle this month to be able to afford this change because of the timing, She just said that "it was my period to pay and [she]could not afford paying for two periods in a row either."

So WTF? Why are we getting daycare that neither one of us can afford right now?

She better hope that she doesn't ever get in a bind, because right now the way I feel I may not be feeling so generous to help her out or be understanding as I have in the past.

I realize this is just a temporary setback and that in 2 years it won't matter, but right now I don't have enough income to afford all this and I have cut expenses to the bone. I have no cable, internet, nothing. No entertainment expenses to speak of. Even food has been cut to nothing, except for buying nutriuos foods for D1.

It just burns me how she is trying to act nice and says she's not being snippy and she's being friendly, but then is so cold at the same time.


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M: 5 yrs.
Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10
D Final: 8/7/12
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Tested can you call this new day-care and work something out?

Don't say no, unless you have already tried.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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