One other thing, I stupidly sent her an email (which she rarely reads so she might not even see it for weeks or months, she does facebook and that is it) that stated that I wanted no contact and that I was done. I really should have just done it. She didn't need to know. She would see it. It is not her business and it showed her that I still cared somewhat. I wouldn't write that to someone I didn't care about I would just walk away.
It is really hard not to email her. I can talk myself out of the phone calls. Yes, I still want to beg her back. I think that it is more of a win or lose thing. A game to me in some way. I don't like it.You just think that if I word it a different way or maybe I didn't say the right thing-and you want to make contact. I hate it. Her OM should be home this weekend. I will be stressing over that even though I know there is nothing I can do about it. She told me they were only a week old and that he was not invested in her. I had a girl call me Monday when we were together and she got mad and cried. Now she is saying go out on a date, it might do you good. I guess I will.
Ok, X called and called and I finally answered, she begged to come back, made all the promises that I wanted to hear. I went and got her spent several days with her. We prayed together to make the family whole again (her idea) jumped into bed, and I really enjoyed it and believed it. She wanted to get married Monday, I was scared but agreed. We talked to her parents and she told them what was happening and they quized me. Talked to my boss and he said he wouldnt talk off the crimanal trespass that the city has on her so she could not move in with me since I live in a city owned house. She called Sun morning to tell me she missed me and then I called Sun night and she was with her om. She said that she told me it wasnt going to work out and she was in love with him. He called me and told me he slept with her the first night they met and she has been calling him all week telling him that she can't live without him. Om told me she was a whore and just a piece of ass to him. Her friend is trying to date me, ask my x if she could, x got mad. Her friend has been telling me all these bad things that my x has supposedly done with men lately. It wasn't like my x. I guess some of it has to be true. I told her I dont want to talk about x at all anymore. I really need help to just forget about her. She doesnt love me, doesnt care if she hurts me, doesnt care if she lies to me to just keep me around in case I am needed for something. I am being used.
Trust me....I know that feeling. Do you have friends that can come and hang out with you? Close by family? You must force yourself to get out and take your mind off things. You must. Do not allow the darkness to close in on you.
You need to focus on you right now. You cannot control what she does...Period. DO not answer calls, texts, emails, etc. Do not allow her to come over. You need to put as much space between you as possible. As long as she does not acknowledge that she has a problem, she poses a major danger to you.
Please work on YOU Par, you are the only one that can change you. Don't do it for anyone else....just you. You are worth taking care of, and worth being the best you!
My brother sent me 7000 dollars on april 19th as a gift, he is very wealthy. I can't believe it. I just got it today. If I would have gotten that last week I would have married my X. If she knew that I had that she would have stayed. It is like a God send that it came so late.