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Oh, after the gym, he asked if the washing machine load was hot or cold (he usually puts his gym gear right in the machine if it's hot). I said hot, and he put his stuff in there even though it was obviously my stuff underneath. I pulled it out this morning. I'm not doing his laundry anymore.

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Had a really great visit with a friend today who has known H and I since the beginning. Talked about how silly self-help books used to seem and how much they actually make sense!

Feeling practically like a whole person today. Good day.

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Feeling practically like a whole person today. Good day.

so the trick i've found is to use that feeling later, when you start sliding - and feeling bad - pull up the feeling that you had today and "milk it' in your mind - imagine how good it felt and keep expanding it .

it takes a bit of practice, and then after a week or so, it starts coming more naturally - it's very effective, and oddly, you actually start feeling good, even when you supposedly shouldn't (grin!!)

so pleased to hear you felt that way today, and so now you know - if you can feel it once you can feel it again, and again...

zig


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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Thanks zig, that's a great way to think about it.

After I posted that, I had a little backslide. My parents sent me an email indicating that they might not be able to keep our cat permanently (which I think would be best for the cat). It made me sad to think that I'm going to have to explain to them again that there won't be a home for the cat to come back to.

This week was the anniversary of the date we closed on our house a few years ago. We had a 7-10 year plan to stay here before moving on. I just felt really sad. There are a lot of issues with the house, but it's MY house. In the end, I know it's just a house, but we were young when we bought it and that was kind of cool. Trying not to cry as I type this.

I'm getting out of town for a few days and have the rest of my weekend booked solid with GAL after I return. I don't know what H is up to. Don't care.

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It's not just a house it represents your shared dreams for the future. And I get it. We had to sell something that we'd bought together that I'd envisioned us having forever. It was hard. It's been a part of so many memories and represented our dreams. It's not silly.

What you're doing is greiving the loss of what didn't happen, what you'd hoped, and dreamed, what you wanted and what didn't happen. That's perfectly fine and normal.

I am trying and starting to look back at my life when things didn't happen like they thought they would and something better came along. Even small things...

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Thanks Brit, you're right. It is a metaphor for everything in our future plans.

This morning I'd woken up to some very short yet chipper emails from H wishing me well on my trip, asking for me to say hi to my parents and cat from him. Why?????

I've been feeling more awkward about wearing my ring in the past few days. Sometimes I notice that I'll hide my hand in my pocket or behind some clothing if I'm out with other people.

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About 3/4 of the way through the Passion Trap. Each chapter becomes more frustrating because it is so obvious how this could have helped my situation early on. H and I were both one-ups and one-downs at various times in our relationship and we were presenting some of these issues in MC but instead wasting time talking about how we felt about our issues and what parts of our childhoods we thought contributed to it.

My frustration is greater because I'm feeling really resigned to H being utterly done and never having a chance to use any of the techniques in TPT to have a new, better M with him. He's so black and white in his thinking and his decision is his decision and that's that. I'd like to have hope but I'm really not feeling it today.

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I sent an unsolicited picture of our cat sitting in my suitcase to H. He responded "He wants to come home frown frown "

Home to what home? I didn't respond.

Had a nice long talk with my mom yesterday about the situation. She seemed to approach it very matter-of-factly, without judgment. I think that really helped me because I was worried in particular about how my parents would take the news (whole other mess of childhood issues, being a pleaser, etc). It's good to be with family right now.

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Glad you're having a good visit.
I know exactly what you mean about them being black and white and wishing they could read the books or see where you went wrong. Sadly we can't force them to come to that realisation I'm accepting that more and more

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Hi V,

Before DB, when my W was still living with me, I found some books that I thought would be helpful. She would not read them. She did read a few articles I had given her.... but they made no difference, because she was not ready. She did go with me to two sessions of MC with an excellent therapist, but again, she was not ready.

I don't know much about your sitch, but for me, realizing that my W is not ready helps me not get frustrated when I read things that I think might help.

Enjoy your visit!


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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