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Thanks Brit. I think I may not have clearly expressed myself earlier. I do understand that detaching is for me. I'm just taking it a level further, closer to LRT, now that he has filed.

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At home waiting for the papers. Trying to compose myself to not react when they arrive. Kind of lost it a bit at work today but thankfully my office has a door.

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Well, they managed to miss the service window tonight so I have to pick a new date. Left for some GAL one minute after the window closed.

Reading the Passion Trap tonight before bed. Only up to chapter 4 but wow - right on the money yet again. It's scary how uncommon my R dynamics were and I didn't even know it. Once again, if only I'd had these resources 2 years ago...

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I know what you mean about realizing that you weren't uncommon. H said something to me that really hurt when I was questioning our marriage but looking back I see that what he meant was our problems aren't that bad. But by then neither of us could communicate. I'm filing that away.

Look at this way you're learning now and not 20 or 30 years from now. They always say you do the best you can with what you have and when you know better you do better.

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^^oops, I meant "not uncommon" (need to get more sleep!).

I know it's good to learn this sooner rather than later (although earlier would have been so, so much better).

If anything, at least I will never tell someone in this situation "At least you don't have kids." Just being here, I know how that can complicate things but it really doesn't make me feel any better when someone says it.

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I read a comment you said on Tinker's thread about needing to really let go and be free and then maybe the WAS will stop and look at you differently. I really like that. I'm starting to find the happiness in being free.

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I'm glad you found it helpful. Sometimes it's easier to point out things like that in other people's threads than in my own. Again, need to take my own advice.

Still reading through the Passion Trap. This 5LL, HTIYMWTAI, and DB/DR have made me really angry at our MC. I should send her a gift package but I've already spent so much money going to her that maybe I'll just send a letter recommending she read those books.

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Having thought about this for 10 minutes, I like the idea of writing to my MC. She called a few weeks after our last session to check in on me but I never returned her call.

I feel like a letter would give me some closure. In our ending sessions (though I didn't realize that's what they were at the time), I kept saying that a lot of the things H was saying now were things that I had thought/said during my crisis, and then I was able to work through my issues and I realized our M was not the problem. Neither MC nor H really understood what I was saying. I think I was just blubbering something about "it comes back, the feelings come back." The Passion Trap's talking about recovering "dormant, not dead, romantic feelings" is EXACTLY what I was trying to describe.

I will, of course, give this 24-48 hours before I act on it. wink

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Had L consult today. It was oddly comforting, in a way. Had to chuckle when she talked about having clients reconciling both before and after D (that part wasn't comforting because H isn't slowing his D train down at all).

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Yesterday H sent me a few emails in the morning with interesting articles/links (he does this most days). Prior to him filing I would not respond right away. Now I generally don't respond to them. Then he sent me an email titled "family stuff" and indicated that both of his parents were having health crises at the moment. I responded quickly with concern. Later, at home, I told him that we could send his mother some flowers on the joint credit card. He seemed to be grateful about that.

After I finished dinner and puttered around for a little bit I went to the gym for the 2nd night in a row, without saying anything to H before I left. (I have a normal schedule of gym days, and those are not part of them). He ended up also going to the gym, so we overlapped but did not interact while we were there.

My bedroom has glass french doors that don't do much for privacy, so I finally installed some thick curtains that we'd bought a long time ago for this purpose. (He asked what I was doing with the power drill and if I needed help. I'm good, thanks.) H said they look good but now he can't tell if I'm in there and he doesn't necessarily want to knock to come in in case I am sleeping. I'm thinking at this point I should suggest that he might want to move some more of his clothing to the guest room where he is so that he doesn't have to come in. Thoughts?

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